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"Reading the ISS is like watching a beloved relative die."
-Chris Sims of The ISB.
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Contributors:
Sympathizers:
Comics:
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July 3, 2009
July 2, 2009
ISS Mailbag: Instant Diplomas
Bobbi Eldridge wrote:
GET YOUR DIPLOMA TODAY!
Okay, okay, fine! I'll fucking get my fucking diploma! Jesus!
You are no fun, Bobbi! None!
If you are looking for a fast and cheap way to get a diploma, this is the best way out for you.
What? You goddamn nagging me to death, you merciless shrew? I mean, shit, you just never shut up, do you, stranger who sent me unsolicited spam?
Choose the desired field and degree and call us right now.
Alright then, I want an F.U. in Leaving me Alone.
Can you understand that, Bobbi? Huh?
"Just leave your NAME & PHONE NO. (with CountryCode)" in the voicemail.
Don't act like you don't know me, Bobbi. You're being childish.
Our staff will get back to you in next few days!
Yeah. You're right. We should take some time off. Try to cool down a little. Maybe...maybe we can put this whole diploma thing behind us.
Some day.
July 1, 2009
Villainous Recommendations: Matt and Marlene Devour the Culture
They're not supervillains, that's for sure, and we most definitely want to crush them, but these two wannabe critics did make fun of a guy in a fast food commercial for saying something that sounded like "big anus," so they might be near the end.
June 30, 2009
The ISS Takes on: Transformers 2
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
In news that comes as a surprise to absolutely no one, Transformers 2: Revenge of Yet Another Big Indistinguishable Explodey Thing is well on its way to becoming one of the most popular films of all time, despite its critical approval rating nestling comfortably somewhere between George W. Bush and being attacked by bears.
While the film's many, many shortcomings have been discussed at length ("it's stupid," "it doesn't make any sense," "it is utterly devoid of any artistic merit, a craft-free, soulless display of pandering to the lowest common denominator, the success of which has terrifying repercussions for cinema as an art form itself," "it's too long") there is one aspect of the film that we think deserves a mention here.
June 29, 2009
June 28, 2009
July 2009 Movie Preview, Part 1
July 1
Public Enemies
What it's about: Notorious criminal John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) robs a whole bunch of banks while slipping through the fingers of an FBI agent (Christian Bale), all in an apparent attempt to impress a drunk-looking French chick (Marion Cotillard).
What to expect: I'm sure this movie's going to be great and all, but does it sound to anybody else like Depp's doing a Matthew McConaughey impression in his Dillinger performance? Play the trailer, close your eyes, and see if it doesn't sound like he's about to break out into some shirtless bongo playing.
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
What it's about: A collection of mugging b-listers (Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary) and Simon Pegg voice ice-age era mammals who go on anachrotastic adventures in...I guess the Mesozoic era? Whatever period it's supposed to be, it's about 80 million years before the last ice age, f.y.i. Really, between this movie and "Year One," this is just not the summer for historical accuracy.
What to expect: Mediocre slapstick comedy that will misinform the whole family!
June 27, 2009
Villains Opine on: Things That Can Be Worn On and About the Head, Part 2
Bowler
The trouble with bowler hats is that they have this reputation. The reputation being, of course, that they are only worn by silent film comedians and comedy duos of the early talkie period. A fine group to say the least, but pretty limiting.
I know, I know, that's not the truth about bowlers, you're telling me. A versatile group of everyday gentlemen, just like you or I, wear bowler hats on a regular basis. Why, I'm wearing a bowler hat right now, you say. Well, I'm sorry, but I must assume you're Stan Laurel. I can't change that.
Minus 3 bullets.
Toupee/wig
Here's the good thing about toupees and wigs: They are hilarious. No matter what the context, a grown man in a pink wig is just damn funny. He could be telling you he just got diagnosed with Crohn's disease and it wouldn't matter, because he would be wearing a pink wig.
Toupees are funny on a slightly different level; you have to first notice that it's a toupee and then find all the obvious discrepancies between hair colors and snicker when it moves. Either way, both are hilarious, and I commend those brave souls who wear them.
Plus 4 bullets.
Continue reading "Villains Opine on: Things That Can Be Worn On and About the Head, Part 2" »
June 26, 2009
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