by King Oblivion, Ph.D.
Austin.
Austin!
Listen to me, young man, you get down off that ceiling fan right now or I will be very disappointed in you! How many ceiling fans do we have to go through before you can understand this? You remember what Dr. Harralson said. When you hang off of rotating ceiling fans, you cause bad feelings in me, and that's not healthy for either of us.
Austin Williamson Aaron Johnson! You will obey me right now!
I will not tell you again!
No! Son, you will not set off that fire alarm! This is the Smithsonian's American History Museum, and if those sprinklers go off you will ruin the flag that flew over Fort McHenry during the War of 1812 and that led Francis Scott Key to write the Star Spangled Banner. And portions of the Merrimack! And Archie Bunker's chair! America will hate me! Especially about the chair!
Don't you do it, young man! I thought Dr. Paulson said the Ritalin was helping!
You can't – wait -- there's no way you can eat that entire giraffe! Don't – don't you even try it, young man! Get that torso out of your mouth right now, mister! The people at this fine zoo are staring! You're embarrassing me, Austin! That snout is not meant to be eaten by a boy your age!
Wha—what are you doing now?
Don't you do it! Don't you threaten to fire missiles at the United States from your strategically placed military bases in Cuba, starting the botched Bay of Pigs incident that nearly turned the Cold War into a hot one! John F. Kennedy and I will not be very happy about that, young man, you can be assured of that!
I – I am counting to three! Right now, Austin! One!
...One!
Look...wha? No! No sir!
I forbid you to send that vaguely Austrian-accented cyborg back in time to kill Sarah Connor and stop her from giving birth to John Connor, the leader of the resistance movement attempting to bring down the violent regime of the machines, who are bent on the extermination of mankind! What will the other parents in our weekly support group think?
Hey!
Hey, young man, this is the last time I am going to tell you!
Don't you dare open the seventh seal, creating a silence in heaven about the space of half an hour! And don't even get me started on you sending out those four ugly horsemen or causing seven years of plenty and seven years of famine!
Don't you turn those rivers into blood and make the stars fall from the sky! I am warning, you, young man!
If you so much as try to put the Whore of Babylon atop the seven-headed beast I will --
Austin!
That does it!
That is a time out!
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