We here at the International Society of Supervillains recognize that not all purveyors of treachery are...shall we say, properly suited for the task.

Here we present to you 11 so-called "super" villains as portrayed in the hero-centric pages of the comical book medium, all of whom make a mockery of our historied profession.

The Spot

History:
Dr. Jonathan Ohnn was a C-list scientist working for A-list supervillain The Kingpin trying to figure out how the powers of B-list superhero Cloak worked. After some generic sciency mumbo-jumbo happened, he got sent to another dimension and emerged looking like a dalmatian.
M.O.:
Can teleport using the black, circular portals all over his body. But instead of using them to transport into banks and steal money or to blackmail the Kingpin and take over his empire by learning all his business secrets, he instead decides to use his immense power to simply go directly to Spider-Man so he can lose to him in a fight. Brilliant.

Fisherman

History:
A regular old angler was transformed when an alien parasite that looks like a weird helmet attached to his mustachioed head and made him evil and (supposedly) intimidating. The parasite may have also spurred his interest in form-fitting purple shirts. That's a little harder to tell.
M.O.:
In a method more than appropriate to his name, the Fisherman uses specialized lures and fishing rods to ensnare Aquaman and other foes. No, seriously. A new, deadlier version of the character recently debuted in the pages of the newest Aquaman title. Apparently, he uses the deadly Spinner Lure, as seen on TV!

Ten-Eyed Man

History:
Philip Reardon, a Vietnam vet who was partially blinded when he got hit with some grenade shrapnel, went totally blind one night when he accidentally mistook Batman for a warehouse robber. The warehouse blew up after his fight with Batman, burning his retinas. Afterward, a scientist somehow re-attached his optic nerves to the tips of his fingers.
M.O.
The shrapnel must have also damaged Mr. Reardon's brain, because he thinks it's a good idea to go after Batman, who he blames for blinding him, under the moniker Ten-Eyed Man while wearing a costume calling attention to the fact that he can only see through his fingers. As a result, Batman, being the world's greatest detective, deduces that he can simply throw something at the Ten-Eyed Man, shout "Catch!," blind the guy, and win.

Magpie

History:
Some lady with no discernable powers decided it would be a good idea to commit crimes while drawing no attention to herself whatsoever by dressing as a character from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Really, the three-point mohawk, very inconspicuous. Then she went and named herself Magpie, after the clearly incredibly threatening bird.
M.O.
Keeping up with the bird theme, Magpie steals jewels and other valuable items named for birds, and replaces those items with decoy booby traps. Get it? Booby? That's just how Magpie rolls. Also, she chooses to fight Batman and Superman with a handgun and a length of chain.

Typeface

History:
War veteran Gordon Thomas became a sign maker after his wife left him. But when another guy bought the company he worked for, he got all upset and became a supervillain. So, to recap -- wife leaves you, go find a job making signs; lose sign-making job, become a supervillain. Thomas drew letters all over his body with a grease pen and dubbed himself Typeface, because in addition to reacting to things inappropriately, he is also apparently very uncreative, which could account for why he got fired as a sign maker.
M.O.:
Thomas attacks the new owner of the sign-making business and Spider-Man (who is involved for some reason) with the giant letters he apparently stole from the place where he used to work, again displaying his less-than-desirable attributes as an employee. In a true display of lameness, he is defeated not by Spider-Man but by the fellow who bought the business, when the guy sets off a bomb destroying the building he had just bought. So essentially no superhero was necessary in the story of a bad, disgruntled employee and what is clearly a terrible businessman.

Crazy Quilt

History:
Nothing apparently set Crazy Quilt off on his life of crime, he simply was a famous painter who also happened to commit crimes. He was blinded when one of his henchmen double-crossed him. He had his eyesight restored in prison, but the colors he saw were so vivid, he went crazy and started wearing your Aunt Gladys' patchwork quilt while committing robberies and fighting Batman and Robin.
M.O.
Before he started wearing the cover you have to use when you sleep over at your grandparents' house, Crazy Quilt left clues for henchmen in paintings he made. After he began wearing the bright colors all the time, he became obsessed with Robin and started wearing a mind-controlling helmet. So, yeah, going crazy really did not help the dude.

Terra-Man

History:
After an alien killed Toby Manning's father, the alien took the young man in and raised him as his own. Once Toby grew up, he killed the alien and returned to Earth, adopting the name Terra-Man because, no joke, he was from Earth.
M.O.:
When he killed his alien-Dad, Manning stole a big store of advanced alien technology that just happened to resemble the six-shooters and lassos and whatnot of the Old West. He also got a winged horse from somewhere. With those things and a ridiculous-looking cloak and cowboy hat, he fights Superman. Yes. Superman. With a high-tech lasso.

Signalman

History:
Phil Cobb nearly got laughed out of town when he came to Gotham City and, with no reputation to speak of, tried to recruit a criminal gang. Dejected, he used his brilliant criminal mind to create a gimmick for his criminal doings based on the road signs he saw people obeying. So he created a bright red and yellow costume covered in symbols because he thought that would stop people from laughing at him. Poor fool.
M.O.:
Signalman's symbol gimmick was pretty much just a gimmick, as he preferred to commit regular hooligan-style crimes. Unfortunately, his garish costume managed to attract the attention of Batman rather than the thugs he originally set out to impress. Most of Signalman's criminal exploits, then, were quickly halted when Batman decided to take a few seconds to kick him in the face.

Asbestos Man

History:
Chemist Orson Kasloff became a criminal after years of being a respected scientist failed to pay off the way he expected. He envied his fellow scientists, who he often saw riding around in Maseratis and banging supermodels, like, every night, because that's obviously what scientists do all the time. He didn't get much respect as a criminal, though, and decided the best way to quickly gain a rep would be to defeat the Human Torch. So he challenged him to a fight in a letter and created an asbestos costume.
M.O.
The Asbestos Man created a flame-retardant asbestos suit to fight the Torch and used a fancy net to rope him in. The Torch rendered him instantly useless when he broke his net. Then he laughed at him for wearing a suit that would cause him to inhale particles of a known carcinogen. That's just stupid, kids!

Hypno-Hustler

History:
A mysterious fellow known only as Antoine became the Hypno-Hustler and began stealing valuables from club owners and audiences when he played shows with his band, the Mercy Killers. Presumably he did so because he knew disco was on its way out, and he wanted to make sure he had a nice nest egg for the following years, when he would probably be working at the Gap.
M.O.
The Hypno-Hustler used a pair of special hypnotic goggles to mesmerize club owners and audiences on the nights of his shows and force them to hand over all their money and jewelry to him. Unfortunately for him, Spider-Man discovered the secret to foiling all his well-laid plans: covering his ears. How could he know?!?! Spider-Man managed to avoid the Hustler's big guns -- gas from his belt and spiky boots -- and make he and his band hypnotize themselves by removing their earmuffs. How he managed to see into the heart of the Hustler's foolproof plan is still unknown.

Kite-Man

History:
Charles Brown was a two-bit hood who devised a way to escape from the sites of his many petty thefts: fly away on a kite strapped to his back. It should be noted that he thought this idea to be better than possibly flying a small plane or developing some rocket boots or figuring out a way to move really fast underground. Nope. A kite was his first choice.
M.O.:
In addition to flying away on a kite, a terrific way to attract the attention of Batman, Superman and Hawkman, by the way, Kite-Man really stuck to the gimmick by throwing small kites at his enemies as an attack. Just imagine the horror of having a barrage of kites hurled at you. "The sticks...if they hit you just right...are kind of pokey! Aaaaaaaaaggh!" Just the thought of it would likely make many curl up into a fetal position and shiver uncontrollably.

KingOblivionPhD@the-iss.com