With the popularity of the Democratic YouTube Debate a few weeks ago and the soon-to-come Republican YouTube Debate, a number of other popular websites on the national internets have decided to get in on the act and hold debates of their own. Here, we look at the first of these upcoming presidential shout-offs, which is being produced in conjunction with MySpace.com.

Format

Each candidate receives 20 minutes to convince voters that they should “friend” him or her. Rather than sticking to specific issues or topics, the candidates are encouraged to cram as much information into a small chunk of time as possible. Tact and good taste are not recommended, even discouraged. To prompt discussion, a moderator will occasionally throw out a question that may or may not have anything to do with anything the candidate has ever said.

Candidates should look for busy, but colorful backgrounds to stand in front of. Music should also blare loudly during all statements. If candidates wish, they also may present slides in which the words are unreadable because of either a horrible font choice or the fact that they are red words on a background that is a slightly different shade of red.

In addition, a candidate named Sarah, who you've never heard of, is on the stage for some reason, and she insists that she's real and that you should check out here real profile by switching the channel to Cinemax.

Example questions

• "Have you heard about this war in Irqa? What up with that???????"


• "Why haven't u friended me? whywhywhywhywhywhywhy"


• "y don't u think im the real Mike Gravel?"


• "Wanna see my nude piXXX?"


• "What's that song I need to download it now!!!!!!"


• "whered u go??????????????? ur never online any more"


• "How would you seek to stabilize the world economy in the wake of worries about a lack of safety in Chinese food products and toys?"


• "hey bizzzitch whatchu doin'?"


• "haha...yeah..."

Odds

The Democrats
Mike Gravel:
2-1.
Those crazy kids love this crazy old coot. Hipsters might think he's being ironic.

John Edwards:
3-1.
Could be confused for some sort of sexy spambot.

Barack Obama:
5-1.
If he posts a video of his impression of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, he'll score a whole lot of points.

Dennis Kucinich:
7-1.
"Who let this 11-year old boy on MySpace?"

Hillary Clinton:
10-1.
Don't kid yourself. FOX still owns MySpace.

Bill Richardson
15-1.
"Hey, somebody gave the guy from CHiPs a MySpace. Boy, he has put on some weight."

Joe Biden:
20-1.
Page tagline: "I will literally grind your face into the dirt."

Chris Dodd:
50-1.
It's like if your dad had a MySpace.

The Republicans
Rudy Giuliani:
3-2.
Has a propensity for dressing like a woman. And the internet loves trannies.

Fred Thompson:
5-2.
Bonus points if he foregoes using his real name and just signs up as "Hunt For Red October Guy," unless that name's taken and he has to be HuntForRedOctoberGuy69.

Ron Paul:
6-1.
With a quick change of wardrobe and some warbling lessons, could easily be mistaken for fake reggae sensation Sean Paul.

John McCain:
8-1.
"Hey look, somebody posted a MySpace page for Bob Barker."

Mike Huckabee:
12-1.
Recordings of seven-minute-long bass solos can only get you so far.

Sam Brownback:
15-1.
Page tagline: I was a secretary of agriculture!

Duncan Hunter:
25-1.
Even MySpace won't get anyone to know who he is.

Mitt Romney:
75-1.
It's like if your dad's creepy Mormon minister had a MySpace.

treachery@the-iss.com