This Semester's New Enrollees at Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters

by Laser Sharkbear

Not every class at Professor Charles Xavier's famed School for Gifted Youngsters can include standouts like a Wolverine or a Colossus or a Marrow, but Professor X gives them all his love, all the same, and Storm is still flirty with pretty much all of them. Here's the list of the young mutants who enrolled this year in the school. Whether any of them will have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with Mr. Sinister is still to be seen.

1. Brian Tillman - communicates psychically with traditional Latin pastries. Code name: Empanada.

2. Shelley Mrsaps - disappears briefly, every other Friday. Code name: Flicker.

3. Carl Appleton - ability to alter appearance to that of a retired taxi driver from Brooklyn. Code name: Schmuel Liebowitz.

4. Nathan Nash - conjures a mediocre eggs benedict from thin air. Code name: Sous Chef.

5. Robbie Stanz - can predict when someone is about to refer to something as "the bee's knees". Code name: Humblebee.

6. Tiffany Chandlier - sound of a distant marching band constantly emanates from inside her. Code name: Majorette.

7. Gabriel Yakminov - can fly, but no more than three feet above the ground. Code name: Lo-Fli

8. Steph Treegone - can live entirely on a diet of wood shavings and lip balm. Code name: Dinosaur Robot Sandwich*.

9. Steven Lan - ability to spray a powerful stream of thick gravy from fingertips. Code name: Turkey Sauce.

10. Ronald Jay - confuses the color blue with the sound of whale song. Can create this confusion in others. Code name: I Like Apples*.

11. Jorge Jorge - can defeat Contra without using the secret extra lives code. That's gotta be a mutant power, right? I mean, that game is hard. Code name: The Wizard.

12. Michelle Griegg - knows the ending of every movie before seeing it, often before the filmmakers know, themselves. Code name: Spoiler.

13. Jerry Hepler - has the incredible ability to give life to inanimate objects. Code name: Lord Stinkypants**.

*Student insisted on his/her own code name.
**Remarkably, this code name was chosen by Professor Xavier.


scott.martineck@gmail.com
lasersharkbear.blogspot.com


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Comments

Actually, there's a manga named "Child" which the protagonist have the same power as #13 and its quite awesome. Anything non-living objects he spills his blood on come to life and obey him completely.

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