International Society of Supervillains: Mean-Spirited Obituary Headlines Celebrity Bloggers Will Likely Someday Use

We here at the ISS could learn a hell of a lot from some of the tabloid-style celebrity bloggers on the National Internets.

With the incredibly mean things they say about celebrities flashing their genitals and hating each other and doing coke in rehab and being ugly and unhealthily drunk, we might as well just call them honorary supervillains, if celebrities weren't already kind of villainous themselves.

But how would they handle a celebrity death? Yes, we have one example, but what if the person who dies doesn't go under circumstances that one would think could only happen on a three-part Dynasty season finale?

Here, we make some guesses.

Paris Hilton on hell: 'That's hot'

or alternate:

Paris Hilton flashes vagina to angels in big, opening limo door in the sky

Thetan separates from Tom Cruise's meat body, Xenu prepares to invade

Jessica Simpson's corpse still has boobs

What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld having congenital heart failure?

Kirsten Dunst now even less attractive

Kevin Federline finally starts successful career as fertilizer

Tara Reid still alive, oh, wait, scratch that

Matthew Perry: Could he be any deader?

Lindsay Lohan finds good excuse to not show up to work