As the Chicago Cubs prepare for the 2007 MLB playoffs, sportswriters across the country are trotting out commentary on The Curse of the Billy Goat and why the Cubs haven’t won a World Series since 1908.

For those unfamiliar, in 1945 the Cubs were playing the Detroit Tigers in the World Series. The owner of the Billy Goat Tavern was not allowed to bring his pet goat into – or he and the goat were kicked out of - nearby Wrigley Field during game four. The Cubs lost that game, and the series, and haven’t been to the big show since. They’ve come close several times, but unusual circumstances seem to befall the club.

To win this year’s World Series the Cubs will have to overcome the Curse of the Billy Goat, and a few other factors. As a guide we present:

Other, lesser known curses affecting the Chicago Cubs.

• Exatly 1,908 leaves in the ivy that lines the outfield walls is actually poison ivy. This follows the decree of the shaman that found Hack Wilson sleeping with his wife.

• No Mascot Malaise: The Cubs will be without an official mascot until hair of the Phillie Phanatic is mixed with the blood of Mr. Met and poured on the steps of the home dugout.

• Harry Caray Harangue: On his deathbed, Caray told his widow that the Cubs wouldn’t win the Series until he sobered up. It is no coincidence that nine years after his death the Cubs still have not won the title.

• One kitten dies for every opposing team home run ball thrown back at Wrigley Field. This dates back to 1976 when Raul Jimenez, longtime Cubs fan and witch doctor, was beaten to death in the left field bleachers for trying to keep a Mike Schmidt homerun ball as a souvenir.

• No hot water in the clubhouse showers until an offering of cigars and rum is made to Yosh Kawano.

• Bane of the Ticket Brokers. They want $65 for a standing room ticket? For day game? In April?

• Pat Hughes will continue to take one inning off during every Cubs broadcast until Ron Santo agrees to hold hands in public.

• Scourge of the Fans Pissing in the Alley Near Wrigley Field: For 3 months after the season’s final games the streets of Wrigleyville will still smell of urine.

MTyroneDarklord@the-iss.com