Halloween is here and that means you need a costume. Be it at a party, at work or just going out for a nice dinner at an Italian restaurant, sometime between now and Oct. 31 you are going to need a costume. In fact, you not only need a Halloween costume, but you need a current costume. Your “The Ghost of the Crocodile Hunter” outfit is sooooo last year.

Since time is running out, here are some trendy and easy Halloween costumes for 2007:

Couples division:

• He: Larry Craig’s left shoe.
  She: Undercover police offer’s right shoe.
  (Just because you keep a wide stance during the party doesn’t mean you can’t hook up afterwards.)
  
• Nintendo Wii remote and nunchuk
  
• Fred Thompson left and right jowls.
  
• Motor cycle accident George Clooney and “lady friend”
  
• Barry Bonds and Floyd Landis

Group division:

• Gays not in Iran.
  
• New York Mets not playing in October. (On second thought, this could be awkward if you actually run into one of the Mets not playing in October.)
  
• OJ Simpson Heist Squad
  
• Daft Punk vs. Justice DJ fight.
  
• Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Ben Whishaw, Richard Gere, Marcus Carl Franklin and Christian Bale as Bob Dylan
  
• Rudolph Giuliani ex-wives

If you can grow a beard, you can have a Halloween costume. For the facial hair growers:

• Chrstian Bale in “3:10 to Yuma”
  
• Jason Schwartzman in “Darjeeling Limited”
  
• Jason Lee in “My Name is Earl”
  
• Tom Selleck reliving the glory days
  
• Zach Galifianakis
  
• Devendra Barnhart

Modern takes on old favorites:

• Instead of a Doctor, try Lindsay Lohan’s Rehab Doctor
  
• Instead of a Baby, try Angelina Jolie’s International, Multi-Racial Baby
  
• Instead of a Zombie, try Zombie Ingmar Bergman
  
• Instead of a Wizard, try Out of Work and Desperate Harry Potter
  
• Instead of a Johnny Depp Looking Pirate, try Authentic Scaliwag

Unacceptable costumes this year include: Chuck from “Chuck,” a pumpkin.

MTyroneDarklord@the-iss.com