Yes, yes, we all know the story. Some group of dastardly villain-types take over the world and re-shape it into their image and a protagonist's life is horrible because of it.

But did you ever think it might not be so awful? We did. Here's some examples of why you'll love us someday, depending on how we decide to steer things.

1984
In George Orwell’s harrowing classic, he describes a horrific and nightmarish future in which a corrupt government organization monitors your every move. Except if you move among the proles. Or go outside for a walk. Or borrow a shopkeeper’s house. Or if you’re a high ranking official who can turn the screens off. Or if you sit in the corner under the telescreen. Or…

The bright side: Telescreens are put in your house by the government. When’s the last time that the government did anything efficiently? They couldn’t even do something as simple as faking a terrorist attack on the World Trade Center without random strangers on the internet seeing through their elaborate lies. How long do you think they’ll be able to do maintenance on every single television in Oceana? Time Warner Cable can’t be bothered to fix my TV, and I paid them for it. Within the first week of these being installed, the black market will be full of devices that loop footage on the screens like at the end of "Speed." Besides, the public would never consent to this. What society would possibly want a bunch of loud, obnoxious devices that constantly broadcast misinformation in their homes?

No, the bad thing about this would be all the hack comedians in Eastasia telling jokes like, "In Soviet Oceana, telescreen watch you!"

Be sure to… hate whomever they tell you to hate. Maybe we haven’t always been at war with Eastasia, but come on, they’re a bunch of Nazis who’ve got it coming to them. Don’t romanticize other countries just because the grass looks greener on the other side of the electric fence that the government built to keep you inside the Ministry of Love. (Note: This advice also works well in North Korea.)

The Matrix
Humanity has been enslaved. Unfeeling war machines are on the verge of eliminating the last free society once and for all. And our last hope for freedom is…Keanu Reeves? We’re boned.

The bright side: Do we really want to be rescued from the Matrix? I mean, think about it, in the real world, you would be living in a spaceship, attacked by machines, and worst of all, living in close quarters with Keanu Reeves. In the Matrix, you can go about minding your own business until some Gen-Xer in a trenchcoat guns you down for standing in his way.

Be sure to… be on the lookout for suspicious behavior. Look out for something as unorthodox as people at a rave wearing skintight spandex while passing around mind-altering drugs.

Well, maybe that’s a bad example.

V for Vendetta
In the aftermath of a devastating nuclear war, Britain has become a place where shadowy figures destroy buildings, kidnap and torture young girls, and incite riots. And that’s just our hero!

The bright side: If you live in a society like this, you’ll want a job as a police inspector. In one scene in the book, Detective Finch decides that in order to anticipate an insane terrorist’s next move, he’ll have to think like him. So, how does he place himself in that mindset?

By overdosing on LSD and running around naked.

Can you imagine if all crimes were solved this way?

“Jaywalking? The fiend! I’ll have to enlist the aid of my sidekick crack cocaine.”

“Unpaid parking tickets? Well, this case is unsolvable. I’ll go do a line of coke off of a stripper’s naughty bits to see if that helps.”

Be sure to…maintain a low profile so that the fingermen don’t arrest you. I recommend blending in by wearing a long flowing cape and a Guy Fawkes mask while loudly quoting poetry and breaking out the slow motion kung-fu every five minutes.

Fahrenheit 451
In Ray Bradbury’s cautionary tale, teams of firemen are assigned to confiscate and destroy books by the government. Apparently, the government was worried that the people would be incited to rebel after reading such provocative works as Harry Potter, Japanese tentacle rape comics, and this week’s copy of ASS! Magazine.

The bright side: Let’s face it, who has the time to read anymore? Just look at the New York Times bestseller list. Odds are the top books are something by John Grisham, another fucking Star Wars novel, and "This One Time, Our Dashingly Handsome Hero Saw the Pope Kicking a Puppy" by Dan Brown.

This way, you won’t have to try to appear smart by saying things like, “Oh, I love Moby Dick! My favorite part was the part with all the water!”

Be sure to… Obtain the valuable knowledge that literature has granted over countless generations…by renting the film versions of the books.

Brazil
In this story from director Terry Gilliam, Sam Lowry must fight the bureaucracy in order to WARNING: INFORMATION CLASSIFIED. PLEASE FILL OUT FORUM 276-1B TO PROCEED.

The bright side: No matter how bureaucratic it may be, you’re living in a world made by Monty Python's Terry Gilliam. How cool is that? I’d take the Ministry of Silly Walks over the Ministry of Truth any day.

Be sure to… avoid the law. The government is constantly rounding up innocent civilians and prosecuting them as terrorists. In fact, it seems like the only way to make sure that no one arrests you is to actually be a terrorist.

Brave New World
Get it? We’re the savages! That sound you just heard was your mind being blown.

The bright side: There are some things that are too horrific for me to make light of. There is absolutely nothing positive about a society with such horrors as free drugs, virtual reality sex machines, and mass orgies with genetically perfect women.

Be sure to… indulge the government. Sure you may be an accessory to the government’s horrible crimes, but a coke-and booze fueled sexfest designed to distract the populace from governmental brutality is still a coke-and-booze fueled sexfest.

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