Here at the ISS, our superpowers involve amazing rhetorical abilities, stunning good looks and the ability to please a woman with a glance. But not all supervillains are so lucky to be endowed with such powers. Still, some do pretty well for themselves.

These guys, for instance.

The Joker
Known for: Being Batman's arch nemesis, murder via gas and/or fish, having the largest "HAs" in laughter history
Why he's a badass: Not only can the guy go toe-to-toe with Batman despite weighing about 80 pounds, the Joker also has an incredible ability to not die. Seriously, I think you could shoot him right in the face, burn his body and dump him in the ocean and still he'd somehow come back.
If he had a superpower, it would be: Insanity. In fact, DC lists it as a superpower, as if mental states are somehow meta-human. Which, if that's the case, I'm suiting up and going out as Captain General Anxiety Disorder tomorrow.

The Kingpin
Known for: Being humongous, somehow managing to find dapper suits despite being humongous, ruining Daredevil's life as much as possible
Why he's a badass: He didn't even have to get his hands dirty to put Matt Murdock, a.k.a. Daredevil, in jail. He got the FBI to do his dirty work for him, getting them to arrest Murdock after convincing them the blind lawyer was Daredevil and promising to give them the non-existent "Murdock Papers." Any supervillain who gets the FBI to do his deeds must have some serious mojo.
If he had a superpower, it would be: He's one of those fat-looking guys who's actually all muscle, so I'm gonna go with super strength.

David Cain
Known for: Being Batgirl's dad, training Batman, being some kind of crazy-awesome assassin
Why he's a badass: Cain got hired to frame Bruce Wayne for killing his girlfriend, Vesper Fairchild. Why'd he agree to take the job? Because he wanted to see if Batman was worthy of spending time with his daughter, who just happened to be going around town dressed in a Batgirl costume. That's messed up. Also, he has proven that 1) he can escape from prison whenever he wants and 2) he won't die, despite being shot point-blank.
If he had a superpower, it would be: If you can break into Wayne manor and kill Batman's ladyfriend, then you must be some kind of ghost. So ghostery.

Justin Hammer
Known for: Having a really cool name, being a billionaire industrialist, spending his free time fucking things up for fellow billionaire industrialist Iron Man
Why he's a badass: After finding out he was about to die, Hammer decided he would put off death for a little while, at least not before ruining Tony Stark and his little wispy mustache. So he built a space station for himself and decided to inject Iron Man with nanites that made him cry like a little girl. Also, the guy has financed approximately 80 hundred other villains.
If he had a superpower, it would be: The ability to magically conjure money.

Rupert Thorne
Known for: Political corruption, figuring out Batman's secret identity, Batman: The Animated Series
Why he's a badass: Thorne, not content to just unsuccessfully torture that little weasel Hugo Strange to figure out Batman's identity, went to great lengths to finally get it by taking some photos of Batman changing costume from Vicki Vale. Who knew it could be that easy? Also, he had enough sway to start an anti-Batman campaign through the City Council, get his puppet elected mayor, and get Commissioner Gordon fired.
If he had a superpower, it would be: Political acumen, the same superpower that Barack Obama has.

Crossbones
Known for: Wearing a stylish skull mask, occasionally banging the Red Skull's daughter, killing Captain America
Why he's a badass: Um, he killed Captain America. Okay, so he didn't exactly do it single-handedly, but he did manage to get in the first shot, so that's pretty impressive. And Captain America's still dead, which is more than can be said for the accomplishments of Crossbones' highly super-powered peer Doomsday, who is actually a total punk.
If he had a superpower, it would be: The ability to laugh while being punched in the face by Bucky.

Lex Luthor
Known for: Baldness, owning a kryptonite ring, managing to retain his position as a legitimate businessman despite being a known criminal who wears brightly colored costumes and everything
Why he's a badass: He's a regular, bald-headed dude who decides it's a good idea to take on an invincible alien who can burn you to a crisp with his eyes. It seems kind of stupid, but, hey, Luthor's gotten some pretty good jabs in on Superman, and even managed to get elected president. Oh, and he was responsible for the entire destruction of Gotham City, which is a pretty big deal.
If he had a superpower, it would be: The ability to return to legitimate business somehow, no matter how many nefarious plots he cooks up.

Cobra Commander
Known for: Regularly yelling "retreat!," running a terrorist organization so confident in its methods that members wear bright red logos on their chests, once being a man
Why he's a badass: After his former right-hand man shot him in the back, Cobra Commander got a little pissed. And you know what he did? He basically jumped right out of his grave, imprisoned everybody who had ever pissed him off and buried them under a volcano. Now that's drama. Also, he tried to use cloned dinosaurs to take over the world, as well as giant beams that stole all the gold from Fort Knox.
If he had a superpower, it would be: Raspiness.

Dr. Doom
Known for: Being ridiculously awesome, a stylish metal mask, being really annoyed with Richards
Why he's a badass: There are about a billion examples here, like when he sent Reed Richards' kids to hell and then showed Richards that he did it via the Fantastic Four's computer, but how about this one: Dr. Doom tricked Dr. Strange into nearly sacrificing himself so that he could free his mother's soul from hell. I can't really say much more than that.
If he had a superpower, it would be: Yes, I know, Doom's armor gives him like 80 powers beyond what a normal human can do, including time travel. But if there was one power innate to Doom, I would have to say it's just general kickassedness. And the ability to speak in ALL CAPS.

KingOblivionPhD@the-iss.com