The last season of "Battlestar Galactica" has begun, and nerds everywhere who actually watch the show for the plot and not the hot chicks beating each other up are speculating wildly about what might happen in the end. Will the crew find Earth? What's all that religious mumbo-jumbo? Who's the last Cylon? We have a few guesses as to how things might turn out.

• After completing his mission of guiding the Galactica crew to Earth, Dr. Sam Beckett jumps out of the body of Kara "Starbuck" Thrace and into the body of Roland Haliwell, a black sharecropper who is facing a lynch mob in 1920s Alabama. "Oh boy," he says.
• Upon their arrival to Earth, the crew and the Cylons discover that the planet has become inhabited by highly intelligent apes. Upon realizing they are actually in the crappy Tim Burton version of the movie, they decide they were better off just wandering through space and leave.
• That robot dog from the 1978 "Battlestar Galactica" series awakens to discover he had dreamed the whole thing.
• In a huge twist, the final Cylon is revealed to be everybody. Then, everyone also turns out to be a werewolf.
• A final external shot of Galactica zooms out to reveal that the ship is actually an autistic boy's toy. Then, the autistic boy turns out to be a Cylon and a werewolf.
• The 14-episode-long "Who shot Admiral Adama?" plot finally concludes with the revelation that Colonel Tigh did it, just like the way it was shown in the first episode of the season. Because the writers took so long to resolve this sub-plot, all other plots (the war with the Cylons, the search for Earth) are dropped and the show ends anticlimactically.
• The crew finds Earth to discover it is the mid-1980s. They do their best to fit into human society, and a spin-off show featuring Lee "Apollo" Adama begins, in which he and two roommates have to convince their landlord that they are Russian immigrants or they can't keep their apartment. At the end of each episode, Apollo looks at the camera, shrugs his shoulders and grins goofily before the frame freezes.
• The Cylons take off their masks and a curtain raises to reveal that the crew was really in a studio the whole time and this was all a big prank set up by friends in honor of President Laura Roslin's birthday. Everyone has a big laugh and a piece of cake.
• The Galactica turns out to be a werewolf. Also, space is a werewolf.


KingOblivionPhD@the-iss.com


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