Though his presidential candidate went down in flames this year, Chuck Norris has been making a resurgent comeback. He's got a column on some conservative website, even.

In honor of this, we decide to go back and re-write some of the Internet-based jokes for which he was so popular a few years back. Enjoy.

• There is no chin under Chuck Norris’s beard. Wait, yes. Yes, there is a chin under Chuck Norris’s beard. Sorry for any confusion caused by my previous comment.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He just stares them down until he gets the information he wants. That usually doesn’t work, so he reads the Spark Notes.
• I saw this Chuck Norris movie, and this European guy was all like “time to die Chuck Norris” and Chuck was all like “no YOU die” and then he kicked him right in the face holy crap it was awesome.
• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t pushing himself up. He no longer has to thanks to the unique fitness regiment that’s only available as part of the Bowflex™ Home Training System. And now YOU can too with only ten easy payments of $14.99!
• Chuck Norris’s chances of appearing in a good film looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
• I have a friend who works at McCain campaign headquarters who swears that he saw Chuck Norris hanging outside begging for work.
• Chuck Norris’s tears can cure… oh, you’ve all heard that one? Well how about guns don’t kill people Chuck… that too huh? I’ll just see myself out then.
• Chuck Norris (born Carlos Ray Norris Jr.; March 10, 1940) is an American martial artist, action star, and Hollywood actor who is known for action roles like Cordell "Cord" Walker on Walker, Texas Ranger, his training with Bruce Lee and for his iconically tough image.
• Chuck Norris once wrote a book in which the protagonist roundhouse kicks a gator to death. Oh wait, that’s not a joke.
• You know why Chuck Norris jokes are dead? Chuck got pissed off about all the people talking about him so he roundhouse kicked them all to death. Also, everyone on earth has been forwarded them nine times.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t just accomplish common tasks; he goes about them in a humorously exaggerated manner that emphasizes his rugged nature.
• Chuck Norris is currently filing suit against us for profiting off of his likeness.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t have anything on Swayze.

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