Seeing as how "Iron Man" just made all the money in the world, a sequel is pretty much inevitable. However, when they do make "Iron Man 2," they’re probably going to want to avoid using some of Iron Man’s villains.

Here are some classic Iron Man adversaries, along with in-depth analysis of why they suck.

Fin Fang Foom

Amazingly enough, Fin Fang Foom manages to be even less terrifying than his name implies. Triple-F is an invincible space dragon that confronts Iron Man in a battle to take over the world.

This description becomes somewhat less menacing when you realize that Fin Fang Foom is a giant green monster that enjoys stuffing people into his purple shorts, which essentially makes him a Hulk cosplayer with a very odd fetish.

To be fair, that picture over there to the right is a pretty horrifying image. However, it also makes his plans for world domination seem about as threatening as those featured on the classic television drama "Pinky and the Brain."

We’re not saying that it’s out of the question for Finny to appear in an Iron Man movie at some point. But if he does, we’re guessing that he’ll be given a completely different name, appearance, origin, powers, personality, costume, and modus operandi. We're thinking he'll maybe be an angry businessman with an axe to grind or something.

M.O.D.O.K.

MODOK, or Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing, is a psychic floating head created by the futuristic terrorist cell AIM (Advanced Idea Mechanics) as a weapon for taking over the world. This sentence neatly encapsulates everything we love about comics.

However, as much as we would like to see him in action, we just can’t think of a way to transition this guy to film. An all-CGI MODOK might wind up being the worst thing ever, and a more realistic version wouldn’t be able to capture both the surreal menace and goofy 1960s charm of the character.

Another problem may be that it’s a giant floating head with tiny, hilarious arms and legs.

The Unicorn

If you think that we’re going to not provide any concrete evidence for this villain’s terribleness and instead focus solely on his insipid name then… well then you would be absolutely right.

Seriously, you fire bolts of pure energy out of your forehead, and you can’t come up with anything better than the Unicorn? You couldn’t have named yourself Narwhal or something?

It makes you come across less like a supervillain and more like the design on a prepubescent girl's Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper.

It’s probably worth mentioning that not only can Iron Man also fire death-rays, but that he can do it without looking nearly as stupid as the guy shooting lasers out of his eyebrows.

Madame Masque

Madame Masque’s abilities include expertise in hand to hand combat and marksmanship, making her one of the few villains on this list that we’re pretty sure we couldn’t take in a fight.

However, we’re pretty sure that Iron Man is bulletproof, as you may have gathered from that scene where he gets shot at and the bullets bounce off of him. Or that other scene where he gets shot at and the bullets bounce off of him. Or that other other scene where he gets shot at and the bullets bounce off of him.

Plus, as impressive as your kung fu skills may be, we’re pretty sure that no amount of waxing on and off will help you when your opponent can blow up a tank by gesturing. Masque’s not a bad villain, she’s just a little out of her league with old Shell-head. Maybe she should start with someone like Ant-Man, and then work her way up from there.

Blizzard

Blizzard’s superpowered armor enables him to generate intense cold, freezing an enemy to a complete halt. This is a little less menacing when you consider that a major plot point in the first film was Iron Man specifically designing a new suit that wouldn’t freeze in cold temperatures.

In fact, Blizzard would probably have better luck if he just dropped the gimmick and bought a regular gun. It still wouldn’t hurt Iron Man, but it’s got to be cheaper that a subzero battle suit. Besides, an armored villain with cold powers might inadvertently end up reminding the audience of this:

And no one wants that.

Backlash

Backlash is an ordinary guy with a whip going up against Iron Man.

To put that in perspective, Iron Man has been known to knock military planes out of the air completely by accident.

What’s that you say? It’s an electric whip? Oh, well that’s completely different then! How is Iron Man going to get out of this one?

Seriously, any confrontation between Iron Man and this joker would play out like the swordsman scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Except instead of a gun, Indy gets an indestructible walking tank equipped with surface-to-air missiles.

While we’re on the subject, why did he call himself Backlash anyway? Doesn’t that name imply that he would be constantly hitting himself in the face with his own whip? Or criticizing his work after the initial critical acclaim?

Casual Drinking

Many of Iron Man’s most famous storylines concern the character struggling with his own personal demons, confirming our theory that Iron Man is so awesome that the only person who can hurt him is himself. Probably the most well-known of these stories is Demon in a Bottle, in which Iron Man struggles to overcome his addiction to alcohol.

The story is considered one of the darkest in Marvel comics history and marked a defining turning point for Tony’s character, which makes it tough for us to go back and reread it only to realize that it’s basically an after-school special. Throughout the story, Tony is shown only drinking moderately at social events, in a way that doesn’t interfere with his work at all.

Despite this, every single other character in the story including the villain’s henchmen express concern about Tony’s “out of control drinking”. I mean, we understand why you wouldn’t want someone who can fire lasers out of his hands to down three bottles of Grey Goose right before fighting the Mandarin, but for God’s sake, don’t nag him incessantly just because he has a few martinis on the weekend.

In fact, the way that the story alternates between telling us that alcohol is ruining Tony’s life and then showing him performing heroic deeds makes us wonder if the people who wrote this weren’t drunk themselves. If the Iron Man sequel does have an alcohol subplot, expect it to be handled more seriously than this, or perhaps expect the alcohol to be replaced with coke or even mercury, given the film's star.

Wong Chu and his deadly filing cabinet filled with rocks

In his first appearance, Iron Man built his armor to confront the evil Vietnamese warlord Wong Chu. After easily overpowering Chu’s legions of armed guards, Iron Man faces the dictator himself who promptly knocks him out with a filing cabinet full of rocks, which he presumably had lying around for just this purpose.

Now, we would think that a deathtrap like that wouldn’t even put C-3PO out of commission, but for some reason, this seems to do the trick and Iron Man is rendered completely helpless. We can’t figure out why this scene got left out of the film adaptation.

By the way, it’s worth pointing out that the picture above is not a printing error. The Asian Communist warlord is actually colored yellow. Yeah.

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