International Society of Supervillains: Are They Training to Destroy Us?: Olympic Athletes and Their Superhero Counterparts

So we've been watching this year's Olympics, and though NBC thought they could get it by us, we've noticed that the whole ordeal seems to be, and maybe has been for decades, a training ground for superheroes.

Think about it: What's Carl Lewis doing these days? You don't know. You know why? Because he's probably been out jumping from rooftop to rooftop and beating poor defenseless hoodlums in alleyways.

With that in mind, here are our prime-suspect superheroes from this year's Games, and a superhero he or she (or they) might try to emulate.

Athletes: U.S. Men's Basketball team

Superhero: Batman

While their combined wealth may not rival the Wayne fortune, they aren't doing too bad for themselves in terms of riches. Plus, we all know NBA players will keep the playboy image alive. Also, the theme for this year's team is Redemption, since their parents (The 2004 Olympic team) were gunned down by a mobster named Joe Chill (Puerto Rico).

Athlete: Beach volleyball player Kerri Walsh

Superhero: Rorschach from "Watchmen"

All the attention the mysterious black spot on her shoulder has been getting is distracting viewers from the real allure of women's beach volleyball: the butts! Along with the strange mark on her shoulder, Walsh is strong, agile, able to withstand harsh conditions (like sand in the b-crack) and seemingly has admiration for our highly conservative president. The Olympic games give us a chance to show our nationalism, and a major threat to Walsh's chance to win gold come from the Chinese teams. Those commie bastards.

Athlete: Gymnast Nastia Liukin

Superhero: Robin (Carrie Kelly from "Dark Knight Returns")

Her father was a loser (sure, being a silver medalist isn't exactly on par with being a forgetful, idiot stoner who isn't sure if he has a kid or not, we'll call him a loser just the same). She's on a short list (only the third US woman to grab an all-around gold medal vs. one of the few female Robins). And although she's 18, she could probably pass for a 13-year-old, which for many is called "The Jackpot."

Athlete: Swimmer Michael Phelps

Superhero: Captain America

You thought I was going to say Aquaman, didn't you? I bet the entire time you've been reading this article, no, ever since you saw the title, you've been thinking "Oh, I bet Michael Phelps is Aquaman." You're just sitting there in your cubicle, wasting time on your employer's dollar, thinking you're the king of it all. Well, nope, Michael Phelps is not Aquaman, and you know what, you're boring and average and predictable for thinking so. I bet your friends hate hanging out with you. I'm sure you bring nothing interesting or thought provoking to the table when you are around. You just sit there, breathing up all the air, nodding your stupid head in agreement to everything your friends say. You wouldn't want to spark up a debate or say anything interesting, now, would you? Keep it up, lemming.

Anyway, he's Captain America, and I'm not going to even explain bothering to tell you why, because you wouldn't understand.

Athlete: Runner Usain Bolt