Developer Jonathan Blow's new 2D Xbox Live platformer "Braid" is this year's gaming critical darling. It's been described by such hoity-toity outlets as NPR as "less shoot-'em-up than meditation on the meaning of life."

Discussion boards have become dedicated to determining the game's layered, up-for-interpretation meaning. But I, with my supreme evil intelligence, have figured it out. And so here I present to you the nine most important things you can learn from "Braid."

WARNING: SPOILERS throughout.

Sometimes, to get ahead, you have to jump on two enemies.
I plan on soon putting this on an inspirational poster which I will market toward mid-level managers.

Every once in a while, a cloud can take like, two hours to get across the screen.
But it'll lead you to a hidden star.

Bunnies are fucking vicious.
I was already aware of this, but the game certainly goes a long way toward confirming it.

Chandeliers are excellent weapons.
This is especially true if you can use their shadows, and if you're fighting a creature whose health is clearly indicated by spikes coming out of its head.

Reversing time, while often handy, doesn't always work, especially on something that glows green.
This ruins my whole time reversal machine marketing scheme. (Sub-lesson: Time progression based on forward or backward movement is fucking annoying.)

A suit and tie are the best possible apparel for any and all adventures involving platforming and time manipulation.
You get a special bonus if you have a big coif of red hair, too.

Little guys with shaggy hair come out of cannons.
Clouds, too! They never taught me this in high school biology.

If your ladder has a hole in it, solve a puzzle and a multi-colored piece of ladder will appear.
It may only apply when the puzzle has something to do with wine, though.

When you finish your quest to get to a princess, the next door you go through will lead you to a purgatory-like place with lots of books that are hard to understand.
This piece of advice is what will stick with me most.

KingOblivionPhD@the-iss.com