More Real Estate Tips From the Joker

by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third

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A real estate blog recently posted this article on why real estate agents should model themselves after the Batman villain the Joker. Apparently, someone didn’t think that real estate agents were evil enough as it is (we actually have several on staff).

So, as a public disservice, we compiled a list of more lessons that real estate agents could learn from a homicidal clown.

Supervillains must know how to lie
In "The Dark Knight," the Joker gives multiple contradictory accounts of how he got his scars. Similarly, a good real estate agent will know how to devise a convincing story to explain away a home's ugly "scars" such as exposed electrical wires or asbestos flooring or the murder/suicide that was committed there.

Supervillains have their own unique style
The Joker makes himself stand out from the crowd using flamboyant gimmicks. Doing the same can help you draw attention from potential clients. We recommend stunts such as wearing brightly colored outfits, having a unique calling card or forcing your potential clients to helplessly watch a video of you murdering their loved ones.

Supervillains take care of the competition
The Joker efficiently dispatches a rival mob boss by breaking into his home and slicing his mouth open with a knife. You will want to employ a similarly direct strategy to dissuade rival real estate agents.

You don't necessarily have to kill them for this to work, but it does help.

Supervillains destroy buildings
During his reign of terror, the Joker destroys many Gotham City buildings. Destroying property might seem incompatible with a career in real estate, but consider this: If you destroy people's houses, they'll have to buy new ones. Reduce supply, increase demand. That's just good business sense.

Supervillains don’t leave loose ends hanging
While committing a bank robbery, the Joker proceeds to kill his unnecessary henchmen. Killing your employees can be a great way to unwind after a hard day’s work, although it may harm company morale. Counteract that with a casual day or ice cream in the break room (bonus: You could lace the ice cream with strychnine, and basically keep everything even).

Supervillains kill a mafia goon by stabbing him in the eye with a pencil
Try to apply this to real estate in some way.

Supervillains abruptly go crazy, appear in the film for ten minutes, and then die
Wait, that can’t be right.

Oh! Sorry. This actually came from the "Two-Face Guide to Effective Mary Kay Sales."

Supervillains accumulate massive amounts of wealth
In the film, the Joker amasses a huge pile of money, which he proceeds to set on fire. As a real estate agent, your goal is to do the same thing, except without the part where you burn it. Try spending it instead, maybe on a nice car or a chinchilla or more money, which you can then set on fire.

Supervillains commit heinous acts of mass murder
Throughout "The Dark Knight," the vicious and amoral Joker murders countless citizens. You should do the same thing, but replace "murders" with "sells houses to."


cautionarytalesofswords@gmail.com

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Comments

Outstanding. You took it a little bit further than I would have, but your Real Estate tips are far more specific.

And by "tips" I mean "tips", and by "specific" I mean "graphic in nature than I could ever use on a real estate blog."

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