We have made serious efforts to meticulously document the douchebag and/or bitch proclivities of a number of members of the superheroic community.

But that was just comics. What, you didn't think they were total jerks in the movies, too? Well, they are. And here's the undeniable proof.

Batman

A hero because: When the evil Ra’s al Ghul attempted to destroy Gotham by using the monorail to spread his fear toxin, Batman leapt on to the train to confront Ra’s while Gordon destroyed the train tracks with the Batmobile. (Wait, why did Batman even need to be on the train? Couldn’t he have just destroyed the tracks himself? So he's heroic, but maybe not that bright.)

A jerk because: You may recall the scene early on in the film where Batman refuses Ghul’s demand that he kill an unarmed criminal. (Executing a prisoner is basically the supervillain equivalent of a fraternity hazing). Predictably, Batman has a problem with this and he fights back against Ghul’s henchmen. This seems heroic enough, until you realize that Batman just burnt down the entire building killing everyone inside. Everyone, including the person he was trying to save.

It gets better. Later on, Batman’s girlfriend is poisoned and he must get her to the Batcave to give her the antidote. However, in his rush to get the antidote Batman runs over and destroys over nine police cars, nearly killing their occupants. Yeah, forget about the public servants who are working to protect Gotham, Katie Holmes’ life is far more valuable than theirs. And running over police cars makes far more sense than calling your butler and telling him to deliver you the antidote.

Wait, there’s more. After destroying the train tracks, Batman, who you may recall swore never to kill anyone, bails out without bringing Ra’s along. He justifies this by saying that while he won’t kill anyone he “doesn’t have to save him”. Although, even if that is true, we’re pretty sure that you should save someone from a deathtrap that you set in the first place.

Jerk.

Fantastic Four

Heroes because: They saved the world from Galactus. Well actually the Silver Surfer saved the world from Galactus, but they get points for trying.

Jerks because: Incessant, incessant bickering. An unstoppable cosmic being is about to destroy the entire planet and all any of them seem to care about is how it interrupted a wedding. No, really. That actually happens in the movie. They constantly whine about how the apocalypse came at a really inconvenient time for them and could Galactus maybe come back and eat the earth next week. The Incredibles bickered less than these guys did and they were half-composed of children.

Plus, in one of the film’s most idiotic subplots, the rest of the Fantastic Four decide to stop Doctor Doom by transferring all their powers into Johnny Storm. That’s right, in a film that’s all about teamwork, the rest of the Fantastic Four are content to sit back and let Johnny go into battle alone with powers that he has no idea how to use. I heard that Galactus was so upset with this film that he demanded that they digitally replace his character with a cloud so no one would associate him with this film. We don’t blame him.

Iron Man

A hero because: Iron Man saved a town full of Middle Easterners, not to mention saving the entire superhero genre by making the first Marvel film in years that didn’t suck.

A jerk because: He’s an enormous hypocrite.

We’re not going to count anything from the beginning of the movie because the whole point of the film is Tony’s redemption. No, we’re going to focus on his questionable tactics. So, Tony has come to realize that his efforts to supply the military with more powerful weapons have only resulted in escalating violence as opposing insurgents gain access to these weapons too. So how does Tony plan to deal with this? Why, by building a bigger, fancier weapon of destruction!

But that’s okay because Tony has been extra specially careful with this one, so there’s no chance whatsoever of it falling into the wrong hands…

D’oh!

Tony’s heart is in the right place, but he’d probably save more lives if he just paid attention to what’s going on in his own company and enforced a strict “no selling weapons of mass destruction to terrorists” policy.

Daredevil

A hero because: Wait, did Daredevil do anything heroic? I’m not asking this to be a smartass, I honestly can’t remember.

A jerk because: He’s a damn murderer.

When a jury fails to convict a rapist, Daredevil decides to do the only heroic thing: throw the defenseless man in front of a train. No seriously. He actually throws a guy in front of a train. To make matters worse, just before killing him Daredevil actually makes a terrible joke out of it, telling his victim that the light at the end of the tunnel is “the C-train.” Listen DD, we’re not saying that the guy wasn’t a jerk, but did you have to ensure that the last thing he ever heard would be a pun that would make Arnold Schwarzenegger cringe?

As if that’s not enough, later in the film Daredevil decides to ignore a civilian’s cry for help just so he can get some nookie. So instead of an exciting action scene where Daredevil fights evildoers, we get to watch Ben Affleck have sex. Yippee.

Superman

A hero because: Superman foiled Lex Luthor’s scheme to rule the world by acquiring vast amounts of land and rendering the rest of the world uninhabitable. After that, Superman went on to foil Lex Luthor’s other scheme to rule the world by acquiring vast amounts of land and rendering the rest of the world uninhabitable.

A jerk because: Despite being practically omnipotent, Superman is so lazy that he can’t even be bothered to use his powers. For example, after his girlfriend Lois Lane is killed by a nuclear bomb blast, Superman uses his powers to travel back in time and save her. That’s a sweet gesture and all, but who thinks that it would be better if Superman flew a couple more laps and stopped the bomb from hitting in the first place?

In addition to that, Superman decides to go on vacation to Krypton for five years, despite the fact that he’s in a relationship with a woman who can’t even open a can of soup without requiring a superpowered rescuer. Even Bill Watterson didn’t take five-year sabbaticals, and he didn’t have the continued safety of the planet riding on his shoulders.

It doesn’t help that shortly after his return, Superman makes up for lost time by foiling one bank robbery. Forget all that unpleasantness in Iraq. Protecting the insured possessions of wealthy Americans is the real job for Superman!

Frankly, Supes seems to be more interested in using his powers to spy on Lois Lane than he does using them for anything constructive.

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