by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third

Preacher is about Texas and why it is unwise to mess with the inhabitants thereof.
Transmetropolitan is basically pornography for journalism majors.
From Hell is about a time traveling Jack the Ripper who worships penises and the sun.
Nextwave is love.
The Authority is about how it's tough to be in charge of the world, even if you're superheroes who live on a sentient spaceship stationed in a giant uterus between dimensions.
Planetary is about five months behind its alleged publishing schedule.
The Dark Knight Returns is about how Batman is awesome and also television.
The Dark Knight Strikes Again is about Robin becoming a whiny bad guy and giant hands and feet.
All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder is about Frank Miller losing his goddamn mind.
All-Star Superman is distilled wonder.
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is basically pornography for English majors.
Top Ten is about how robots could be good policemen, if you give them a chance, and sometimes the police commissioner is the crazed head of a drug ring.
Doom Patrol is about Grant Morrison doing a whole ton of drugs and writing down the results.
Animal Man is a great comic book about why we should feel bad for enjoying it.
The Amazing Spider-Man is about how Aunt May’s in trouble and there isn’t much time.
Uncanny X-Men is about black people and gays who are straight and white, but have superpowers.
The Incredible Hulk is a deep psychological character study with emphases on modern anger and smashing shit.
The Punisher is basically pornography for gun enthusiasts.
The Boys is about fookin’ superheroes think they’re so fookin’ great and I bet they’re really just buggerin’ their sidekicks those poofs.
Miracleman is about how greedy comic publishers get in huge disputes about copyright, and how awesome comic books are nearly impossible to find as a result.
Y: The Last Man is basically pornography for people who hate all men except for failed escape artists.
Watchmen is about how psychic space vaginas are the only way to achieve lasting world peace.
Promethea is about… um, actually we’re not entirely sure what this comic is about. Sorry.
Supreme is a funny and lighthearted homage to classic Superman stories, except it’s written by Alan Moore, so you just know that someone’s going to die by the end.
Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow is an IMAGINARY STORY (which may never happen, but then again may) about a perfect man who came from the sky and did only good; it tells of his twilight, when the great battles were over and the great miracles long since performed; of how his enemies conspired against him and of that final war in the snowblind wastes beneath the Northern Lights; of the women he loved and of the choice he made between them; of how he broke his most sacred oath, and how finally all the things he had were taken from him save one.
Infinite Crisis is an in-continuity story in which Superboy kills many, many people and the Golden Age Superman beats regular Superman with a car after his Lois Lane dies.
Lost Girls is basically pornography for… well actually it’s just basically pornography.
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Comments
THIS. IS. GOLD.
Can I translate it to spanish and put it in my blog (crediting your villanously, of course), please?
Posted by: guayec | September 12, 2008 9:29 AM
Go for it.
Posted by: King Oblivion Ph.D. | September 12, 2008 9:48 AM
Nice.
Your X-Men synopses had me laughing out loud.
Posted by: Kevin Garcia | September 14, 2008 2:15 AM
Promethea is about… um, actually we’re not entirely sure what this comic is about. Sorry.
Whew. I'm not the only one.
Posted by: damnedyankee | September 19, 2008 2:24 PM
Funny definitions! :)
From Italy
smoky man
Posted by: smoky man | October 17, 2008 5:03 AM
I hope you don't take this as too demanding...
but I really think I speak for the whole interweb when I say:
MOAR.
Posted by: AERose | October 17, 2008 11:22 PM
Promethea is about -- ow, why do I have an ice cream headache all of a sudden?
Posted by: Mr. Gustafson | October 17, 2008 11:28 PM
Well, can you I add portuguese to the list of translations, sir? Of course, crediting you and the blog, for sure.
Very nice job, man.
Posted by: Junior | October 18, 2008 1:39 PM
Joins clamor for more. Suggestions:
Sandman
V for Vendetta
Bone
and any manga if you feel like that counts in any way (I don't really but I think it'd be funny).
Posted by: Jamie | October 20, 2008 12:11 PM
GREAT Synopses!
Hellblazer: Smoking kills.
Books of Magic: When a cool Miniseries goes wrong, people get hurt.
Strangers In Paradise: Katie Kaboom grew boobies.
Sandman: So much better than the noobs will ever know.
Posted by: ShirtlifterBear | October 22, 2008 3:10 AM
Every time I read through this the description of all star batman has me crying with laughter.
Others that have been suggested...
Ultimate fantastic four: Is about how reed richards is so smart he point blank refuses to get laid.
Spiderman: is about how having superpowers make you a whiney bitch.
Blade: Is about how blade is cooler than everyone else, or he will kill you.
Batman: Is about how a man who hasn't had sex in many, many years can cram roughly 2.3 years into one day.
Superman: Is about how not to have fun being a god and also having no policatical courage.
V for vendetta: Is wearing a mask and doing what you swore to do when you were 15.
Spawn: Is about how life can still suck even if you're an undead superpowered assassin
The Maxx: Is a stark warning about the long term effects of halucinogenics
Batman year two: Is a momuentual, nay couragous, effort to utterly fail to grasp the character you're writing and still having the balls to get it published.
Justice league: Is about how it's ok to admit your failures because batman and superman will still bail you out.
Posted by: Preacher Muad'dib | October 22, 2008 11:55 PM
Hilarious!
Grant Morrison claims that he wasn't on drugs (yet) when he did Doom Patrol, but he was for The Invisibles. After comparing the two I tend to believe him, though there are some late Doom Patrols that make me wonder. Especially the psychedelic bicycle bit.
Posted by: Elliot | January 30, 2009 2:31 PM