by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
Tintin is about hilarious racism.
52 is about proving that a comics company can release a weekly book with a semi-coherent story and art that doesn't look like someone puked on a page.
Countdown isn't about that, but it is about Paul Dini pissing away the goodwill he got from "Batman: The Animated Series."
Grant Morrison's JLA is about Martian invasions, Solaris the Tyrant Sun, everyone on earth gaining superpowers, World War III, and Earth's greatest heroes struggling for the future of all mankind.
Brad Meltzer's Justice League of America is about sitting at a table and talking about membership requirements.
Empowered is an awesome comic about a large breasted superheroine who often gets tied up and- WAIT COME BACK IT'S A PARODY I'M NOT A PERVERT.
Wanted is about how high concepts can always be improved upon by film versions that drop everything unique about the idea, rip off The Matrix in ways that make Underworld look subtle, and add an omniscient spinning jenny.
V for Vendetta, contrary to popular belief, is not about how everybody put on Guy Fawkes masks at the end.
Kick-Ass is about making a movie before even one of the comic's storyarcs is complete.
Swamp Thing is about what would happen if demigodlike powers were bestowed upon Ralph Nader.
Will Eisner's The Spirit is about hilarious racism.
Suicide Squad is a really good comic, and I wanted to mention it, but I can't think of any jokes to make about it. Sorry.
Fables is about all your favorite storybook characters suddenly now being badasses.
DMZ is about as heavy as shit gets.
Marvel Adventures is about superheroes teaming up and fighting crime, the way they used to back before every single comic book had to have someone being dismembered, raped, or both.
Ultimate Adventures is basically "All-Star Batman and Robin" before it was cool, but with analogue characters and much less hilariousness.
Marville is about cheaply pandering to, then totally alienating the readers.
House of M is about three issues too long.
100 Bullets is basically pornography for- have I exhausted this yet? Yeah? Okay. 100 Bullets is about shooting people.
We3 is a sad and happy and cute and horrifying and insane and brilliant story about about animals and people.
Ultimate Spider-Man is like a Livejournal entry with a fight scene every six issues.
Invincible is about Superman, if he was Spider-Man.
Starman is about a superhero, and is not about letting the children lose it, use it, and boogie.
The Ultimates is The Avengers, but now they're all assholes, because that's so fucking edgy.
Maus is about racism that isn't hilarious at all.
cautionarytalesofswords@gmail.com
Comments
Forgot one:
Brand New Day is about Marvel giving the finger to all of its readers.
Posted by: Liu | October 23, 2008 7:52 PM
Brand New Day was going to be on there, but then I made a deal with the devil and it never existed in the first place.
Posted by: Doktor Puppykicker | October 23, 2008 7:58 PM
Secret Six is like Suicide Squad, except with lesbian supervillain sex, cause that's how Gail Simone rolls.
Posted by: Wrye | October 24, 2008 3:50 AM
Suicide Squad is about nasty jobs being done by nasty people in very very nasty ways where they often get killed, but the good news is that sometimes the motivating cause is completely petty and stupid.
Posted by: Edward Liu | October 24, 2008 10:48 AM
Iron Fist is about getting a chance to say things like "Brotherless Dog Heartless Strike" & "Two Thousand Fists Reign Hate Down."
All-Star Superman is about what you always knew: Superman is better than Jesus.
Posted by: mordicai | October 24, 2008 2:58 PM
And, like, 50 bajillion comics are about how Jesus can give people badass superpowers while his Dad's busy shopping.
Posted by: Dr. Short Attention Span | October 25, 2008 2:28 PM
Starman is about making superheroes seem literary while actually being complete drek.
Posted by: AERose | October 26, 2008 9:59 PM
Way to snag the best email address ever.
Posted by: Maul | January 21, 2009 3:38 AM