Superheroes and regular law-enforcement types are always trying to read villains the so-called "riot act."
And when they do, a problem arises when said supervillain, in response, can only string incoherencies into a pseudo-schizophrenic gibberish even the Superfriends' Bat-computer couldn't decipher.
Eventually, every supervillain will be captured or will recite his/her nefarious scheme via a network television broadcast. As such, this necessitates every supervillain to craft a lucid, concise and almost bafflingly insane yet plausible thesis on why he/she developed and utilized an orbital death cannon aimed at the Mount Rushmore Theodore Roosevelt's lower jaw.
Step 1: Discover Your Villainous Theory
While every villain may phrase his or her reasoning differently, those who understand his or her villainous compulsions often show superior odds at either gaining sympathy or supporters after a successful rant. Take, for example, Magneto, Master of Magnetism. His quest to liberate mutantkind from homo sapiens domination through any means necessary, usually in the form of advancing mutant/human segregation and/or interspecies war, didn't win him any sympathy from his nemesis Professor Xavier but recruited impressive ranks of disenfranchised mutants to serve the cause. Also, he can destroy bridges and stuff. You might want to look into that.
Without a concrete reason for villainy, one ultimately resorts to the cliché. Granted, there is no requirement that every villain found a pseudo-noble cause. Yet, one can only advance to a certain status before tales of "miner's gold," pedestrian revenge, and/or hero slight become passé to the point that the judge administers a sentence with a disdainful shrug. Whether via evil meditation, evil psychoanalysis, or evil irrational hatred of a past event, an aspiring villain must discover his/her villainous core, the one segment of personality crossed with insight that serves to found a villain's entire purpose. And don't make it like, your dead wife or something. That shit's played out.
Step 2: Locate Unmistakably Evil Role Models
To commence with this, one needs only to list his/her top figures of unremitting evil. Then, one must realize that a portion of these figures are probably not what they're cracked up to be. After all, villains go to college for overstatement. Any popularly known figure serves predominantly as a base for entertainment media characterization or as a means of instantaneous assumption by the populace. This creates inherent drawbacks for every aspiring supervillain. Examples of these failings should emerge when one researches the History Channel, the Discovery Channel, and/or late night infomercials.
The sources one wishes to utilize are those of seemingly respected persons. Rather than seek pulp, one should immerse oneself in the depths of philosophy, religion and morality – the last of which serves only as a means to warped justification. Not only does this add an aesthetic quality to one's maniacal ravings but presents one's ambitions as valid though, perhaps, filtered through skewed perceptions. And would it not yield positive results to suffer one's enemies with intricate weaves of Aristotelian rhetoric and Darwinian musing?
Once you find someone to admire, kill him or her (if not already dead) and assume his or her identity. You'll find it makes working your way up the ladder a lot easier.
Step 3: Analyze the Procured/Stolen Source Material
A firm foundation of knowledge serves a villain's purposes more adequately than hordes of henchmen. This is not to imply the impotence of the hordes (they are impotent, however), but without the proper knowledge how may one maintain mental lordship over the ranks? When a henchman vocalizes an obvious inconsistency or contradiction in one's reasoning, aside from those developed through villainous contemplation, the perception of one's listeners alters. There is seldom concern if these listeners are members of the general populace or superheroes, but one invites disaster should said listeners develop among the ranks. Every instance where a henchman presents inquiry to the contrary results in one laser pistol discharge and the dissemination of doubt through the ranks. While a henchman can be silenced, error whispers from every shadow. While a laser pistol eventually depletes its charge, dissent spreads as contagion.
The basic concept to utilizing acquired sources is to present just enough to validate one's position. Yet, one must advance with caution to avoid jeopardizing the message with unintentional positive affirmations. Instead, one must splice quotes to preserve only that which furthers one's cause while diminishing portions contradictory to the message; one must select those quality morsels from a work which nourish the argument and pervert retaliation; and one must certainly manipulate and associate the meaning of a source to suit one's ends. An aspiring villain must compile these findings to form one's modus operandi ex anima. An added benefit of such tactics is the potential slander of your figures. Superman, out of context, is regarded by some as a "dick." Imagine the possibilities when afflicted upon one's enemies.
Step 4: Investigate the Audience
There exists a fundamental difference between audiences. Would not a lecture to henchmen require different adaptations than a broadcast of intent through a compromised satellite network? Would one simplify in the former and incite dread in the latter? Failure to consider the audience when stating one's purpose is an error worse than typical villain foibles. At best, an unresponsive audience will exhibit apathy, worse contempt, or, perhaps the utmost dishonor to a villain, laughter. Consider those examples of mistaken identity wherein a protagonist voices his/her contemplations to a mistaken other only to receive ridicule upon revelation. When one's persona is that of a Machiavellian tyrant, a mistake in adjusting to an audience can yield devastating results. Foresight in this matter can shield an aspiring villain from painstaking attempts to reestablish an identity.
Following this procedure should yield results unmistakably sublime. Whether one's villainous mantras inspire terror among one's enemies or resolve through one's ranks, a decidedly clear yet complex analysis and recitation of purpose strengthened by adequate source material serves a villain more resolutely than thousands of minions. Replacement henchmen are easily acquired from a suitable distributor of such wares. Replacement creeds develop only through chance or sheer villainous force of will. When one next encounters an inconvenience to Project Mindslave in the form of a superhero will one lash with verbal tedium or convince the enemy through rhetoric that the populace would suffer less under shackled consciousness? Regardless of whether the hero ultimately accepts the notions, the considering hero can be vanquished with an accurate laser bolt or the wily villain can abdicate to a more defensible position. Remember to laugh, too.
