Here at the ISS, we occasionally get e-mails. Some of them compliment us for our continual destruction of all that is good and noble in the world. Some are from superheroic douchebags who don't get us.

And some of them try to sell us on terrible crap. Here, a former vice presidential candidate tries to get us to do some online dating.

Sarah wrote:

Hmmm. What do I need? That's a pretty big question. I guess if you go by that whole pyramid of self-actualization, I need food, water and shelter first. Then probably acceptance, love, all that stuff. Self-esteem, life satisfaction, a spiritual grounding. So yeah, all that. Why do you ask?

Oh, no time for that, I guess. You have another question for me. But first, a question for you: Why would that special someone have no luck? I mean, everyone's searching for that special someone I suppose, buy why would you specifically look for someone with no luck? That seems like a pretty futile excercise, not to mention that you're severely limiting your pool of possible special someones there.

Sarah Palin? Is that you? Wow, you found another avenue quickly, there.

Another question: how can your brand new site be designed for people looking for a date, a lover or a long-time partner? That seems like a pretty confused user. The fact that you've designed your site toward such schizophrenia seems like a bad business move.

What happens if I don't give it a shot? What if I don't want to have fun this evening? You have no idea what I want! You have no clue what I'll like! You just...you don't know! How can you expect me to start a relationship with you if you don't even know me!?! I just...I can't do this!

I'm sorry, governor. I'm just...it won't...

I'm sorry.

That's...a weird thing to say.

That's a weirder thing to say. And don't think I didn't get what that "blanch.bronco" crack was about, Sarah! Just because you lost doesn't mean you have carte blanch to make fun of my crooked nose, little miss maverick!

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