The Dessert Quesadilla
Prepared in much the same way as a conventional quesadilla, the dessert quesadilla replaces the cheeses and meats that usually fill the Mexican culinary treat with fruity fillings of cherry or blueberry or, in extreme situations, an oddly flavorful lemon meringue-style colloid. The outer shell, typically constructed of a tortilla, or, as they say south of the border "el tortilla," is replaced with a flavorful, crispy crust that somewhat resembles the crust of a standard pie. To be served at my Aztec-themed Tex-Mex restaurant chain, "Tacochtitlan."
Online Rock, Paper, Scissors Valu-TimeTM Internet Software Pack
For the low, low valu-priceTM of $9.95TM an hour*, hardcore online gamers are given the opportunity to play the ultimate game of strategy in the comfort of their own homes. Turn-based strategy has never before been so tense. Your opponent has just thrown "rock." What's your next move? Call together your council of advisors and work out a plan. Will paper be the proper cover? Can the scissors survive? Will you risk suicide by throwing "dynamite" or "God" or one of those other cheap cop-out plays? It's all up to you!
Hear No Evil Profanity-Free Porn
A few enterprising individuals have already made a gold mine off of editing cursing out of Hollywood films, but no one, as far as I know has tapped the lucrative adult film industry for the same thing. That's where we come in! We've removed every curse word from a huge library of pornography. No longer do you have hear filth come out of the mouth of the large-breasted young lady you're masturbating to! "Oh my heavens," she'll say, or "Goodness gracious, that sure is a big wee-wee!" or "Perform intercourse with me, you fine, upstanding gentleman!" Now you can feel safe letting your kids watch these otherwise wonderful films! It's for the whole family!
AlliterationCo Frozen French Fries with FlavorPak
Consumers these days want spice. They want flavor in their lives. That's why I've developed the greatest innovation in fry technology to date, the FlavorPak. Included in every bag of AlliterationCo fries, the FlavorPak is 12 full ounces of the mixed essences of up to 125 different flavors, from potato chip-style standards like "barbecue" and "sour cream and onion" to more unusual sorts of tastes like "dung beetle," "cowboy," and "diffidence." Simply pour the contents of the FlavorPak onto your fries after they've been cooked. Or you could just empty the contents of the Pak onto your taste-deprived tongue for a blast of over 223 flavors at once!
The Restful Night Infant Storage Unit
Parents all over the world know the frustrations that come with having a newborn in the family. Not only are there dirty diapers to change and annoying extended family members to contend with, there's also the nuisance of having a baby in the house, keeping you up all night with its crying and whimpering and general lack of regard for the fact that you've got work tomorrow, dammit. Not to worry, parents. The Restful Night Infant Storage Unit is here to help. A soundless, airless vacuum chamber originally developed by NASA, the Restful Night Infant Storage Unit will keep baby quiet and let you get the rest you need for your big day on the job. And it's big enough to store even those talkative and bothersome toddlers!
The Richard Grieco Instant Fame Machine
Invented in 1988, this device is designed to make you (yes, you!) just as famous as revered "21 Jump Street" star Richard Grieco. How does it work? Simply press the "instant fame" button and you'll be whisked away to grand notoriety and fortune in the sunny recesses of Hollywoodland! Just listen to what our celebrity spokesperson, star of the hit UPN TV series "Marker" has to say about or product!
RICHARD GRIECO: How--how much am I getting for this ad? Hey, you gonna eat that sandwich? I'm really hungry. No, seriously, I'm starving.
And you'll be hungry too! Hungry for more fame!
Invent Your Own Consumer Products and Win: How You Too Can Make A Million Dollars
An informative how-to book that gives readers tips readers on ways that they, too can make names for themselves in the product-development business. With these simple rules, anyone can create products that anyone with a buck would want! Here's just one of the rules you'll find in this infinitely useful tome:
RULE 1: Write a book that oversimplifies an incredibly complex and intricate process that requires great creativity and hard work. People eat that shit up.
That million dollars is in my pocket already.
*Game time is $9.95 per hour for the demo version of the software. For the full-use version which includes such features as "paper," well, let's just say you'd better start saving up.