Punisher Max is a story about damaged individuals trying to cope with OH MY GOD THAT IS THE MOST FUCKED UP THING I HAVE EVER SEEN HOW THAT GUY EVEN STILL ALIVE.

Sandman is about how being the all-powerful king of a realm of limitless imagination is apparently really fucking depressing.

Daredevil is about how being a successful blind lawyer who uses a sonar sense to see better than most sighted people really fucking sucks.

Civil War is about Earth’s mightiest heroes acting like dicks to each other for a little while.

Final Crisis is SO CONFUSING I SKIMMED IT ONCE AND DIDN’T UNDERSTAND IT MORRISON’S A HACK A BLOO A BLOO A BLOO.

Batman RIP is about the devil, Thomas Wayne, a washed-up actor, and possibly Bruce Wayne himself, but apparently not the fans, learning that Batman will never die.

Secret Invasion is sort of about Skrulls, but it's mainly about setting up the next big event comic.

Avengers: The Illuminati is about superheroes sitting around a table and voting on just how douchebaggy they should be.

Jack of Fables is about how fiction's greatest asshole inadvertently saves fairy tale characters no one's ever heard of.

Dark Reign is about supervillains sitting around a table while everyone else in the world forgets who Norman Osborn is.

Batman Year One is basically "Batman Begins," minus that part about ninjas destroying the city with a train that explodes water and turns it into fear.

Green Lantern is about intergalactic street gangs whose gang colors represent the only emotions that gang's members feel.

Spider-Man: Brand New Day was going to be on this list, but I made a deal with Satan and it disappeared.

Punisher: Welcome Back Frank is about the Punisher punching a polar bear and other, somewhat less awesome, things.

New Avengers and Mighty Avengers have recently been about every single person on Earth except the Avengers.

The Walking Dead is about how we’re the real monsters, which is a theme that has never been explored in any work of fiction concerning zombies ever.

Joker is "The Dark Knight" without any of that pesky "tragic yet ultimately life-affirming story of heroic individuals" crap.

Ultimatum is about… *sigh* I don’t want to talk about it.

Marvel Two-in-One is about the Thing teaming up with people that don’t matter as much because they aren’t the Thing.

Crisis on Infinite Earths is the epic and groundbreaking story of DC comics’ quest to introduce a bunch of characters they practically stole from their competitors.

Marvels is about everyday life in the Marvel Universe for people who are too stupid to get the hell out of New York already.

Shazam vs. The Monster Society of Evil is basically what the (awesome) title implies.

Every single comic ever published by Avatar Press is about *author is suddenly and graphically slaughtered, his exposed organs pulverized into a fine, red mist*.

Comics Synopses 1
Comics Synopses 2
Comics Synopses 3

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