We accept the fact that superheroes (and supervillains) need catchphrases. They're a calling card, something that separates you from every other spandex-clad do-gooder out there trying to make a name for him or herself.

But some of the most popular heroes' favorite things to say just don't work, folks. Here's why.

The Thing

Catchphrases:
"It's clobberin' time," "Wotta revoltin' development this is," "the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing," "Aunt Petunia's favorite nephew"

Why they're a problem:
They're highly impractical.

I mean, what sort of battle tactic is it to stomp in and clue in your opponent to the fact that it is, indeed, "clobberin' time?" Kind of ruins the element of surprise, and wouldn't they be aware of that, you know, after the clobberin'? And why do your Aunt Petunia such a disservice as letting everyone around, including your enemies, know who she is? That could really put her in danger. And as for the "revoltin' development" line, that's just pessimism. Way to drag everybody down, Thing.

Robin

Catchphrase:
"Holy (something), Batman!"

Why it's a problem:
Oversaturation. Sure, it was fine and kind of funny when Robin kept saying it on the 1960s "Batman" TV show, but that was because it was intentionally silly and the awkwardness of the exclamation was purposely ridiculous.

Now, it gets shoehorned into every strained reference to Batman or Robin in pretty much all media. If the local news is reporting on something Batman-related? You're going to hear it. If Joel Schumacher is making a Batman movie? You're going to hear it. If the Pope canonizes or anoints something, and Batman and Robin happen to be there? Well, I guess that's acceptable.

The Human Torch

Catchphrase:
"Flame on!"

Why it's a problem:
For one, this is another example of the whole "announcing what you're doing, probably to your detriment" thing. Wouldn't it be better if your opponent was surprised by you suddenly being covered in fire? Why telegraph that, Johnny Storm?

Maybe he's banking on the notion that his enemies will mistake him for a very enthusiastic participant in a gay pride parade, who thinks that everyone there should wear sweaters tied around their necks and/or bondage gear and talk is very sibilant s's.

Luke Cage

Catchphrase:
"Sweet Christmas!"

Why it's a problem:
Racism. In fact, "Sweet Christmas" has become such a symbol of how black characters have been treated in comics that there's even an anthology of essays about race in comics named for the phrase. And attempts to retcon the phrase — he told the Heroes for Hire that he said it because his tough, noble grandmother wouldn't let him curse, (just like Will Smith) — haven't helped. (Also, he curses all the time now, because he apparently has grown to hate his grandmother.)

But take note: The racism factor has not kept the phrase from often being completely hilarious.

Green Lantern

Catchphrase:
"In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight! Let those who worship evil's might beware my power, Green Lantern's light!"

Why it's a problem:
It goes on for about a year, and gives us supervillains plenty of time to punch the Green Lantern(s) square in the face as he, she or they rattle it off. (These are problems for them, not us, by the way.)

Also, it rhymes. And for my money, the only rhyming advice worth taking is that involving the relationship of bros to hos and the effects of combining beer and liquor in sequence.

Judge Dredd

Catchphrase:
"I am the law!"

Why it's a problem:
Call it the Stallone effect.

It's the phenomenon that occurs when a clever phrase, often used by a character who is emblematic of a nation's fears of authoritarianism and a police state, can be all-but-instantly turned into a joke that makes one laugh aloud every time they hear it.

Doctor Strange

Catchphrase:
"By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth!"

Why it's a problem:
"Hoary?" And where the hell is "Hoggoth," anyway?

But more than anything, this is a mouthful, especially when you consider that it's what Doc Strange exclaims when he's surprised by something. I mean, I'm not even really sure how he manages to get all that out when he sees some of the crazy stuff he does, like hellbeasts and interdimensional vaginas. Speaking for myself, I'd probably just say, "Oh shit!"

The Incredible Hulk

Catchphrases:
"HULK SMASH," "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry"

Why they're a problem:
Well, one has become the comic book cliche to end all cliches. How many times have you heard someone, when they're describing an overly angry person or are pretending to break something, intone, "Hulk smash!" like it was the first time anybody ever said it? Too many times? That's what I thought.

As for the "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry" bit, well, it pretty much was brought to its full and ultimate potential when the Eric Bana Hulk movie came out, and a friend of mine kept saying, "You wouldn't like me when I'm Ang Lee."

Superman

Catchphrases:
"Up up and away!", "This looks like a job for Superman!"

Why they're a problem:
They're total dick moves, further proving, as we and others have mentioned before, Superman is dick.

Think about it. There you are, having a conversation with someone, possibly someone in blue spandex and a cape and who has the ability to fly. And rather than saying, "Take care, see you later," or even just a standard "Goodbye," dude says "Up, up and away!" and peaces out. That's not cool. Likewise, to announce that something appears to be a job for you and only you is really goddamn elitist. You think you're better than me, Superman? Huh? Just because you can shoot laser beams out of your eyes? Asshole.

Wolverine

Catchphrases:
"I'm the best there is at what I do," "bub"

Why they're a problem:
We've previously made our opinions of Wolverine's catchphrases pretty clear, but we just wanted to reiterate just how much we hate them.

That said, we can't dispute the fact that his longer catchphrase is more or less accurate, if you consider that what he does is to be incredibly fucking irritating.

KingOblivionPhD@the-iss.com