0:00:
It's always a good idea to start a video by revealing something about the speaker's personality. Here, we see that Blunty3000 is clearly schizophrenic.
0:07:
Zack Snyder has finally answered fandom's call for drama and action set to KC and the Sunshine Band.
0:24:
This part's pretty accurate, because in the book it specifically states that the Comedian has a completely unidentifiable accent.
0:54:
It appears that Blunty only has the one shirt.
1:09:
I don't think he knows what a hyphen is.
1:12:
"I don't know what to say about this movie."
And yet, here you are, posting a video review. Maybe you would have been better served had you expressed your feelings through pottery or self-flagellation.
1:13:
"But let's look at it from a movie-making perspective."
Instead of what? A tailoring perspective? A mapmaking perspective? A shit-taking perspective?
1:34:
To paraphrase: There is hardly any slow motion at all in the movie! You won't even notice it! But in all the action scenes, Zack Snyder does slow it down, just to rub how great a director he is right in your stupid face.
1:40:
"By and large, it unfolds in a regular, real-time kind of thing."
You mean, the parts where people are talking and stuff? That happens in real time? Man, this
is going to be a great movie!
2:09:
For a second there, he couldn't remember what books were.
2:11:
"With the possible exception of Nite-Owl. He is an even more engaging character in this movie because...just the journey he takes."
So he finally got that ring into the fires of Mordor, then?
2:19:
"It feels just so much more real when you can see the emotions playing out across the actor's face. I wish I could remember his name off the top of my head right now."
I hate how they don't make cast lists for movies readily available anywhere.
I will give you one thing, though, Blunty. The emotional parts probably will be better in the movie, since none of the drawings of the characters in the book actually had faces.
2:42:
"(The music) is brilliant and is used very, very subtly at times."
I know when I hear "Boogie Man," I always think subtlety.
2:45:
"It just adds another layer to this immensely dense and exciting and rich film."
It truly is an innovation for a movie to have music. Also, you're pretty proud of yourself for "rich," aren't you?
3:00:
"Intrinsic?"
3:08:
"I'm gonna watch it at least a half dozen times before it hits DVD and then I'm gonna buy it on Blu-Ray and special edition with all the extra bits thrown in."
You're a press release disguised as a man, aren't you??????
3:22:
"Again, for those 'Watchmen' purists out there, I'm speaking to you, because I am one of you."
So that's why you've spent pretty much your whole review so far talking about visuals and sound rather than story, right?
3:25:
It's actually kind of cute that he seems to think filmmaking involves taking the source material and physically shoving it into a movie screen.
3:33:
"The stuff they leave out, you don't notice it's missing."
Thank you,
'Watchmen' purist.
4:19:
"I liked (the movie ending) better than the ending of the book."
You sure are a '
Watchmen' purist, fella.
4:25:
"The thread of this ending runs all the way through the film."
Because, boy, Alan Moore sure didn't put the squid creature in the book until the very end, did he?
Also, thank you for the hand motions showing me how something goes all the way through something.
4:37:
"...a beautiful jigsaw puzzle of ultimate glorious doom!"
Aw, now he's making me feel bad for mocking him.
4:43:
"Is there anything about the movie I don't like? I don't know!"
Isn't knowing what you like and what you don't a pretty important skill to have if you're going to review movies? Just putting that out there, Blunty.
Also, does that giggle not make him sound just a little bit like a teenage girl who's talking about a boy she likes?
4:55:
Why would I want a movie to hit me in the face? Unless it's an Ike Turner biopic. I'll make an exception for that.
5:12:
"It's just an overwhelming experience that just floods over all your senses except, you know, taste."
So tell us about the touching and smelling you did. On second thought, please don't.
5:19:
He is so amused with himself right now, he can't even stand it.
5:34:
"This is not only my favorite comic book movie of all time, as it currently stands, but it is at least right up there in the top three of my favorite movies of all time."
I wonder what his other two favorites are. I'm going to guess "Delta Force" and "Delta Force 3: The Killing Game."
6:12:
A darkness washes over Blunty's face, as if to indicate a change of heart, perhaps? Might this be some symbolism in Blunty3000's "Watchmen" video review? Maybe he now regrets telling people to spend the remainders of their lives watching the "Watchmen" movie and masturbating all over Zack Snyder's unshaved face? Or perhaps he'll reveal how this was his evil master plan all along?
6:22:
Oh, no, he just doesn't have any lights, and apparently can't wait until another time where there is light to continue, even though he clearly has editing equipment he can use. Okay then. And now he's going back into telling people for the 90th time to go see the movie.
6:57:
Hey, I'm not judging here, but he seems way more excited about the dude who plays the Comedian than the girl who plays Silk Spectre. But that's his choice.
7:16:
"I want to see what other people think."
I am now testing the boundaries of that statement.
7:44:
"Watchmen...friggin...rocks!"
You know what I said about feeling bad for him earlier? Nevermind.
7:56:
OMG I AM BLOWN AWAY WITH ALL MY SENSES AND THERE'S ALMOST NO SLOW MOTION BUT THERE IS TO SHOW HOW BEAUTIFUL THE CHOREOGRAPHY IS AND THE ACTORS ARE PERFECT RARRRGGGGHHAGGGH!!!!!!!!!!
treachery@the-iss.com
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Also, thank you for the hand motions showing me how something goes all the way through something.
Everytime I read this line I LOL. It's a useful sentence to remember.
Posted by: kincsem1874 | February 28, 2009 4:53 PM
he couldn't remember what books were. well, if you're going to analyze a movie BASED on a novel...yes a novel ( i don't care that it's graphic) then you should probably know what those pages with words all grouped together form. you shouldn't touch, smell or hear crappy music out of a good book, which is apparently what you get out of viewing of this P.O.S movie, so this will most likely make Watchmen's cinematic debut SSSSUUUUCCKKK!
Posted by: Prof. Francesca Caccini | March 2, 2009 12:57 PM
"You're a press release disguised as a man, aren't you??????"
Yes, and one that doesn't know how to fully act like one.
Posted by: Darth Obvius | March 2, 2009 1:03 PM
I will never trust anything that comes out of the mouth of a man who calls himself "Blunty." He could be explaining how to dismantle a time bomb sitting in front of me, and I'd still think he was full of shit.
Posted by: Matt | March 3, 2009 5:27 PM
Questions:
Does the rule that forbids you from wearing a t-shirt for a band while you are attending said band's concert (Wayne's Law, if I am not mistaken) crossover to wearing a t-shirt for the movie that you are attending? If so, someone should tell Blunty3000.
Also, if someone wears a t-shirt for the movie that you are watching, and it sucks, is it fair game for people to heckle that person afterwards? I say yes, but would be interested in reading differing perspectives on the matter.
Posted by: 10FootBongz | March 3, 2009 8:48 PM
Yes, the rule does apply. For example, if it's the midnight showing of the first Spider-man movie in 2002, you don't need to wear your Spider-man shirt. You're at the midnight showing.
Posted by: bg | March 4, 2009 2:04 AM
I think he's a press release disguised a man disguised as what it thinks is a shmendrick that would appeal to da masses.
They changed the ending? This guy needs a prank sodomy contest.
Posted by: Masamonkey | March 6, 2009 8:11 PM
Rorschach was an especially well developed as a character; i hope the actor that played his role is nominated for some kind of an award (when that season comes around again)
Posted by: coffee | March 15, 2009 1:59 PM
Quoting you:
[4:55:
Why would I want a movie to hit me in the face? Unless it's an Ike Turner biopic. I'll make an exception for that.]
Er... great article. But... you'd like to have been Tina Turner, then? Nothing wrong with it, just wondering...
Posted by: TheCatatsropheSyndrome | May 29, 2009 11:43 AM