Someone once asked me, "Why supervillainy?"

After I disintegrated them out of hand, I actually thought about the question. Why, indeed, would someone purposefully pit their wits and abilities against those who claim to be on the side of right? It sounds a bit insane if you look at it that way, and I don't consider myself insane in the least. Three out of 4 psychiatrists I interrogated agreed with me before dying. The ratio would have been better had I been warned about that fourth shrink's pacemaker.

But back on topic, it's not an easy choice to take up arms against those "heroes" that the public idolizes, for little to no profit, most of the time having one's plans thwarted by one lunkhead in spandex or another, and with no thanks from the people who most benefit from your actions: the Insurance adjusters who make millions marking up people's policies and increasing deductibles based on the havoc you wreak.

I thought long and hard about the reasons for choosing such a challenging life, working with the dregs of humanity, hiding in shadows and secret lairs and sometimes sewers that smell like a cross between the fifth circle of hell and the swamp of eternal stench. What could push a person to such an extreme? Could it be a disdain for the conventional boxes that society tries to put us into? Perhaps a man can only be pushed so far by people, constantly making jokes behind his back, demoralizing him and humiliating him even though it's economically advantageous to live in your mother's basement, and if I want to use the money I save on comic books, it's MY OWN BUSINESS!!!!!

Ahem.

Back onto the subject, I took an extended pause to think about all the reasons there could be to attempt to hold the world for ransom, or detonate the moon, or subjugate the human race, or replace world leaders with clones of yourself in disguise, or any of the endless schemes that could be hatched. When I was done, I had a response. I will give you the same response that I gave that warm pile of ashes left on the ground after my disintegration ray powered down.

My response was, "How dare you presume to question me! Feel the pain of my power and fury in ray form! And never, EVER, conduct a television interview without providing me a list of questions beforehand!"

Take that bit of wisdom to heart. Especially you, new channel 6 program director.