April 17
State of Play
What it's about: A wild-haired reporter (Russell Crowe) and his young colleague (Rachel McAdams) who apparently can spend all their time working on one story and not worrying about city council meetings or house fires, try to track down the real story behind the murder of a staffer for a congressman (Ben Affleck). It's also apparently how a whole bunch of shit is connected or something...in Washington!
What to expect: Lots of shots of people dramatically closing curtains or hovering over chairs or sitting in front of computers while other people talk about how deep this goes and how this information could change everything. Because that's all reporters, politicians and cops ever say, clearly.
Crank: High Voltage
What it's about: Professional death-defyer Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) returns from what was his almost certain death in the first movie to spit in its face all over again. This time, he's trying to find his heart, literally, after some dudes took it to sell on the black market.
What to expect: The height of inexplicably enjoyable ridiculousness. I mean, you pretty much just have to accept that that's what they were going for when the movie includes a scene where the protagonist hooks himself up to a car battery and grinds against an old lady to keep his mechanical heart running.
17 Again
What it's about: A 37-year-old dad (Matthew Perry) somehow doesn't die when he falls off a bridge into what appears to be a whirlpool. Instead, he magically de-ages 20 years into someone who looks nothing like Matthew Perry (Zac Efron). He then weirdly hits on his own daughter and, of course, dances.
What to expect: "Big," but in reverse. And with an ending in which, instead of becoming a child again and realizing he has his whole life ahead of him, the main character returns to middle age and commits suicide.
April 24
Obsessed
What it's about: A loving wife (Beyonce) and a crazy temp lady (Ali Larter) duke it out for the affections of Stringer Bell (Idris Elba).
What to expect: Some pretty okay "Fatal Attraction"-style suspense stuff up until the point where Beyonce and Ali Larter fight, when it then becomes the finest film ever made.
The Soloist
What it's about: A noble reporter (Robert Downey Jr.) who apparently has enough money to up and buy a cello for a guy he barely knows, attempts to help a crazy homeless man (Jamie Foxx) who can also play instruments real good. Schmaltziness commences.
What to expect: Imagine somebody masturbating and crying for two hours straight. You just saw the movie.
Tyson
What it's about: "Iron" Mike Tyson defends himself in his own words, and even expresses some regrets. (NOTE: He still wants to eat Lennox Lewis' children, though.)
What to expect: You will be shocked when Tyson describes how his humiliating defeat at the hands of World Video Boxing Association Champion Little Mac was essentially the end of his career.
Comments
"Imagine somebody masturbating and crying for two hours straight."
yeah i´ve seen that movie
Posted by: Monica | March 31, 2009 2:10 AM