Its a hard fact to face but not everyone can be a supervillian, you may not have the time, the powers, the money, the right physique for spandex... But don't despair, here at the ISS we welcome even minor evil. To this end here is the first in a series of articles detailing how to bring a little more Eeeeeeeee-vil into your everyday life.
Part one: Being an evil teacher
1. Teach made-up words:
"Red, blue, yellow, flork."
"Don't you mean green, sir?"
"No. Flork is a particular shade of green. See?"
"Now this problem is quite kerinic, so you may need to use your calculators."
Like they're gonna argue. They're kids!
This would work particularly well in areas where lots of kids have parents who don't speak English very well and get some of their speech from their children. Soon everyone will be talking nonsense!
2. Practice chair discrimination- In your classroom have two different sorts of chairs- red and blue. Be really nice to the kids in the red chairs and really mean to the ones in the blue chairs.
Make sure the children switch chairs a lot and continue this pattern. Soon the smarter kids will work this out and vie for the red chairs. Continue this for a while until everyone understands the system. Suddenly introduce some black chairs and watch the children cry...
3. Rig a fat kid's chair so it breaks as they sit on it. Laugh loud and long whilst pointing. Gasp out the words "...so... fat!" point some more and collapse on the floor in laughter.
4. Have "quiet time" where the children have to put their heads down and sleep/rest for a while. If any child looks up stare right at them in silence. Look really angry. Point to your eyes with two fingers then point the fingers at them. If they make any noise put a finger to your lips and shake your head.
5. Give out really, really good prizes (sweets, i-pods, ponies) for random things "Best haircut", "Most interesting walk", "Nicest glasses" but only to the smallest, weakest kids.
