To recap the last couple of weeks or so, for those of you who somehow missed it:

A lady who resembles your Aunt Hilda if she never groomed her eyebrows went on the reality TV show "Britain's Got Talent," danced an incredibly disturbing dance and sang a pretty okay rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" from "Les Miserables." CNN acknowledged that it happened here:

That display of extreme not-badness kicked off the melodramatic shitstorm of the decade. Professional sourpuss Simon Cowell spewed hyperbole all over the place about how her voice was "extraordinary." Cable news stations have been all over her jock pretty much every day (until the pig flu kind of turned a little attention away from her). Millions of people have watcher her performance on YouTube.

And the really shitty part is that we're going to have to endure an entire reality-show season of this. That song was in just the first round.

Of course, we all know what this is about, though a lot of people seem hesitant to say it. This is about shallow people feeling good about themselves because they found talent in an unattractive person.

Don't believe me? You read about how the attractive blonde judge on the show said a makeover would "spoil" her, right? She got one anyway, though, which means she has almost lost all her novelty.

Show's over folks. She now looks exactly like your Aunt Hilda.

So it's time we found a new person with a pretty all right talent to laud so we can feel smugly superior while also appearing to look anything but completely superficial. Here's some ideas:

• An even less-attractive woman who can do the whole Macarena without messing up once
• A man with only half a face who happens to be able to build stuff with Legos so it looks just like the picture on the box
• A dwarf with a hook-hand who has memorized the entire script of the 1991 Ed O'Neill classic, "Dutch"
• A burn victim who can finish a Rubik's cube in less than a day
• A half-man half-frog creature who can eat an entire large pizza in one sitting
• A guy with a butt for a face who can play "Reveille" on a bugle (actually this one would be pretty astonishing)