June 5
Land of the Lost
What it's about: A bumbling idiot scientist (Will Ferrell) somehow manages to open a portal to another dimension where Tyrannosaurus Rexes comically react to criticism and giant bugs suck out all your blood without killing you.
What to expect: Danny McBride's in it, and he's funny, right? Eastbound and Down is awesome. So maybe in between all the goofy dinosaur chases and slapsticky boob grabbing there are some funny lines, who knows?
The Hangover
What it's about: So these four dudes go to Vegas for a bachelor party, right? And dude, they get totally wasted, dude! And then, aw dude, they like, wake up and find out all kinds of shit happened. Like, the groom's not there and there's a baby and stuff. It's like, dude.
What to expect: Zach Galifianakis is in it, and he's funny, right? Plus, you pretty much can't go wrong with Mike Tyson singing Phil Colllins, even if it is maybe 30 seconds in an otherwise "dude"-filled movie.
My Life in Ruins
What it's about: A young woman (Nia Vardalos) is raised from birth in the ruins of the ancient city of Babylon and grows to vow revenge on the ancestors of Alexander the Great, its conqueror.
What to expect: Nah, I'm just joshin' ya. Vardalos plays some tour guide who falls in love with a Greek bus driver and hangs out with quirky tourists all day. Oh, and don't you know there's cultural misunderstanding up the wazoo! Nobody does originality like Nia Varalos and the director of "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days!"
June 12
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
What it's about: Some dude with a fu manchu (John Travolta) decides to take on the fatcats who operate the New York transit system by taking a bunch of hostages on a subway train. Meanwhile, a dispatcher guy (Denzel Washington) talks all tough because that's what people in Tony Scott movies do.
What to expect: The camera moving around all the time! Action sequences that make your head hurt! Grainy film stock! And many more examples of the directorial genius of Tony Scott! But, unfortunately, no cameo by Sesame Street's The Count, who demanded one-two-three points on the back end.
Imagine That
What it's about: A workaholic dad (Eddie Murphy) discovers that his daughter (Eddie Murphy) can predict shit about companies merging or stocks or something. And, of course, being the great father he is, he decides to extort that. Meanwhile, Ronnie Cox wonders why Paul Verhoeven hasn't called him lately.
What to expect: Eddie Murphy's best film since "Pluto Nash." Poor, poor Eddie Murphy.
Comments
Poor Eddie Murphy indeed.
Posted by: Darth Obvius | June 2, 2009 3:41 AM