May 22
Terminator Salvation
What it's about: An all-grown-up John Connor (Christian Bale) starts his war against the machine uprising, the members of which have apparently watched a lot of "Battlestar Galactica."
What to expect: For no one in the theater to get past a single one of Christian Bale's line without saying "It's fucking distracting!" and so on.
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
What it's about: A museum security guard with a name that's suspiciously similar to Larry David (Ben Stiller) deals with the marginally funny, mostly headache-inducing zany antics of the Smithsonian's exhibits, which all come to life at night for some reason.
What to expect: I don't know what you'll get in any other theater, but if you see it where I'm seeing it (and I won't see it), you'll hear a very long screed about how a T-Rex skeleton would not be able to generate air like that from its mouth it doesn't have lungs oh my Jesus that is fucking retarded.
Dance Flick
What it's about: No. No! No no no no no no no no no no no. Really, Amy Sedaris? Really? Noooooooooo!
What to expect: Keenen Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Craig Wayans and Damien Dante Wayans all have writing credits. And you know what they say about how awesome having lots of cooks dealing with your broth is. Especially if they're Wayanses!
May 29
Up
What it's about: A cute old man (Ed Asner) takes his cute little house to the skies using a big bundle of cute balloons. A cute little kid stows away, and he and the cute old man go on cute adventures.
What to expect: It'll be sort of this precious thing that'll make you smile, but not necessarily belly laugh. I'm having a hard time finding the right word, though.
Drag Me to Hell
What it's about: "Evil Dead" creator Sam Raimi returns to the horror genre with this film in which a crazy old lady haunts and curses the bank employee (Allison Lohman) who foreclosed on her house. Timely social commentary, you guys!
What to expect: I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL! I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!
Comments
Bold choice by Raimi getting Ronnie James Dio to play the old woman.
Posted by: The Indomitable Professor Universe | May 5, 2009 4:43 PM
I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!
indeed
Posted by: Monica | May 6, 2009 5:25 PM