International Society of Supervillains: The ISS Takes on: The World Superhero Registry, Round Two

Oh we're not finished with them yet. Not by a long shot.

scorpion markI.JPG Green Scorpion

I am here to chew gum and kick ass, and I'm all out of gum!

YOU DON'T GET TO SAY THAT THE LEGENDARY MISTER "ROWDY" RODDY PIPER IS THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO SAY THAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOU UNORIGINAL FUCKNUT

Also, his crime fighting weapon is a stick. A stick.

Polar Man

Polar Man shovels elders' steps and walkways, entertains children and prowls the streets some nights keeping an eye out for vandals.

Fifty bucks says that this guy speaks almost exclusively in cold-related puns.

Also: Since when did either pole have walkways, children or vandals?

Queen of Hearts

The Queen of Hearts' goal is to quell Domestic Violence by teaching our youth and others how to recognize and prevent it.

You know what else would help prevent domestic violence? If our women stopped all this uppity "public service" bullshit and started making me a goddamn sandwich like I asked.

Am I right fellas?

Life

I am Life: a Real Life Superhero fighting for justice, peace and doing my best to fix our world. I do what I can in both my personal and superhero personas.

Life's one weakness? Death.

Nyx

I am Nyx, masked protector of the night... Like the night, I cannot be proven or disproven to certain degrees; and also much like the night, when morning comes there will be no trace of me.

That is so deep.

You must think really hard when you're posing on your dad's backyard deck.

Fox Fire

A troublemaking revolutionary dedicated to shifting the dominant paradigm, I also have a knack for the wizardly arts. I aspire to be a "guardian of Light", which is, in modern terms, the same thing as a superhero.

Man, fucking furries, I swear.

The Eye

The Eye Sees All!

When the American experiment in democracy inevitably gives way to a fascistic Orwellian police state, this guy will have it fucking made.

Nostrum

I am a firm believer in Moral Absolutism and will fight for the greater good of society as I have done in secret for several years now.

Nostrum, I fought against Rorschach.

I knew Rorschach.

Rorschach was an enemy of mine.

Nostrum, you are no Rorschach.

Master Legend

I am a real life super hero born with powers of the veil and voodoo teachings. I have studied psychology all my life and use my abilities to defend the helpless and help the desperate as a specially trained fighter in many forms that I have developed my own.

Superhero Combat 101: when your bullshit homemade fighting style fails horribly, make sure that you have a psychology degree to use in case things get really dangerous.

Oni

They helped me realize my mission in life is to help by playing a positive and active roll in society and to keep the streets safe for all of our future children and their children.

I am like, ninety percent sure that this guy is actually some kind of Pokémon.

Mr. Silent

I roam the streets of the city looking for those in distress or danger and I do my best to help them. If those in need of help are being mugged or hurt in anyway, then you can be assured that I will do something about it. One may ask, how I can call myself a superhero when I can't fly or run at mach 3. The answer is simple. I am idealistically super. I see what, in my opinion, needs changed in society and I work towards that goal. I can't say if I will ever fight an army of giant robots or a criminal master mind, I just don't know. What I do know, however, is that I will fight injustice in whatever form it takes.

For a guy named Mr. Silent, he sure doesn't seem to ever shut the fuck up does he?

Amazonia

This is what Amazonia's myspace picture looks like.

And this is what Amazonia herself looks like.

No comment.

Superbarrio

I can't stop a plane or a train single-handed, but I can keep a family from being evicted.

Ha ha! Just look at this loser! Anonymously standing up to corrupt officials to defend the rights of people in need! What a... wait, that actually seems like a really admirable goal that legitimately helps his community. Huh.

Oh, well how about his uniform, huh? I mean a luchador mask? That's... well actually that's kind of awesome too. I mean, everyone loves Mexican wrestling.

Okay, a point for them, but we're still way ahead.

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Comments

If more superheroes were luchadors, I might not feed so many to hellkittens.

Posted by: professor Innocuous | May 12, 2009 2:22 PM

We need more luchador superheroes.

Posted by: Ade | May 12, 2009 11:21 PM

These "superheroes" are so pathetic the only reason I haven't destroyed them all is because I'm laughing too hard.

Posted by: Darth Obvius | May 13, 2009 4:40 AM

Luchadors: the single biggest reason you never hear about many successful Mexican supervillains.

Posted by: Overlord K | May 13, 2009 5:38 AM

Actually, the Eye is pretty cool. I've been watching his blog for a year or so now.

I wouldn't say he's a danger to Super Villains, but he does pose a threat to muggers, burglars, and other low-level street criminals. From a certain point of view, he's helping weed out the henchmen-wannabes that could cripple a Super Villain's plans by being inept. You;ll get better henchmen because the Eye catches the idiots you might otherwise get stuck with.

Posted by: Vila | May 13, 2009 7:51 AM

Hm...delicious scorpion.

When I...I mean we. Sure. We. When we rule the world, we have to make Roddy Piper ambassador to other planets. And all we give him is a shotgun.

Posted by: The Termite | May 14, 2009 2:54 PM

If Polar Man is the same Polar Man I met in Iqaluit, Canada, he's actually an escaped psych patient, deemed too harmless by local authorities to lock up. No joke. So while I hate these spastics and rejects who think they are "superheroes", I could never think ill of Polar Man. He bought me stamps once.

Posted by: Havelocke | July 23, 2009 11:07 PM

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