Last week, we did you a public service and provided you with some ideas for ways to wreak havoc without breaking the bank. Now we're giving you more! It's like we're doing you a favor or something.
The Protoray
If you're taking some time off from building a deathray, build a small scale model of a prototype deathray (or protoray) instead! This smaller model can allow you to tinker with the deathray design and can make a lovely wedding present during the latest supervillain nuptial. Or you could use it to make breakfast in the morning, and it can easily settle scores when you find someone cheating at Monopoly. Plus, on those warm summer nights, you can aim your protoray at the sky, fire, and hope the laser strikes a passing alien cruiser giving you access to its technology. If all else fails turn it into an alarm clock and you'll never be late for anything again.
Benefits: By building a protoray instead of a deathray you can do many things possible only with a miniature version. The best part is that you get to test your smaller model and work the bugs out before you invest in getting the full scale model into orbit. This way you can test the device to make sure all the bugs are worked out and can (finally) remember that "Reverse" might just not be the best feature on a machine capable of vaporizing a small city. Plus, you can program your protoray in myriad different fashions. For example, make the beam transform everything it hits into shrimp-flavored gelatin, give the device a "Disco" setting, and/or see if that sample of radioactive isotope actually creates a beam powerful enough to solidify gases. You might just open an interdimensional portal and befriend a mythical god/goddess who can help further your plans for world domination. And that would be awesome.
Drawbacks: There's a reason why supervillains don't normally build prototype devices. Mainly, that is because supervillains still run the risks in building a full-size deathray when building its miniature companion. You remember that rare isotope the news featured which could potentially power a city the size of New York combined with Los Angeles for a decade? Well, chances are that you're better off stealing all of the isotope rather than a pinch, especially if you had to break into a secured government facility to get it. After the first break in, security will be even tighter or the isotope will be moved to a different location. So, by the time your protoray can turn your couch into a puddle, the isotope might just be out of your reach. There is also the chance that you'll accidentally leave the protoray in the open (say, as a paperweight) where one inept henchman with delusions of grandeur can "borrow" it and unsuccessfully rob a bank. When he/she's invariably caught, the heroes will know that he used your technology and will come gunning straight for you.
How to make it better: Mail the protoray to the heroes with a note stating that you are building a much larger and more powerful version, and then laugh when the heroes figure out that you built a completely different model while they're trying to disarm your newest superweapon.
The Charity
Charitable organizations are, perhaps, the least likely thing to show in a supervillain's portfolio since they involve actually helping people. But, this is an untapped resource for the modern supervillain to engage in covert villainy. All you have to do is find a cause that you are passionate about and find a way to get people to pay you for it. As a supervillain, you'll want to forgo the typical charities to help pay for muscular dystrophy, cerebral palsy or those jars lining convenience store counters and think big - and evil. Plus, you can easily scam people for easy cash. Just set up a rainforest destruction company and then a subsequent charity which donates money to prevent your company from torching the rainforest. You can sit on COBRA Island, sip lemonade from a coconut and watch as you make money by not destroying the rainforest. Then, use the money to build a deathray to destroy the rainforest.
Benefits: Charity organizations are pretty easy to set up so long as you have the organization to do so. If you have a couple battalions of henchfolk, this should be no problem. You can have them marching in the streets, going door to door and setting stands outside of businesses in order to promote your charity as well as giving your henchmen something to do (and exercise). And once you get your charity up, running and on the eleven o'clock news (after the deadly restaurant fire you may or may not have set) you can watch your electronic coffers fill with electronic currency. And, the best part, is that, if captured at some point in your supervillain career, having a charity will give you sympathy from your captors because, hey, who doesn't love a philanthropist?
Drawbacks: Like a pyramid scheme, a charity requires a lot of work to set up. In addition to that, governments typically do investigate charitable organizations, especially if you apply for tax incentives. As such, you might just find yourself in more trouble than expected when the Heroine Scouts and their Liberty Cookies simultaneously show up at your doorstep with the government official investigating your "Guns for Food" charity that gives firearms in exchange for delicious morsels of sustenance. The real problem occurs if your charity actually makes a positive difference in someone's life. Chances are you'll then lose much cred with the supervillain community and that can haunt you for many schemes to come.
How to make it better: Set up a charity with the sole purpose of purchasing brains to feed to your corpse in order to prevent it from rising from the grave and assaulting the living
The Walton
Where would the United States be without Wal-Mart? It's a legitimate question. Go kidnap a few economists and bring the information back. In any case, Sam Walton created a super chain of stores which, according to some documentaries, borders on villainy. So, what's a supervillain to do when he/she has time on his/her hands? Go get a job at Wal-Mart that's what! Once in Wal-Mart, your objective would be to go undercover to determine exactly what makes the super chain such a success. Once you have that down, you can do whatever you wish. A good idea is to use the store as the cover for one of your diabolical laboratories. A Wal-Mart could make an excellent cover with all the consumers, deliveries and slave-labor goods.
Benefits: Considering that Wal-Mart is a multinational super chain of retail outlets, there is much room for a supervillain to gain valuable experience in being just a little more evil. By stealing and studying management training guides and paying a close eye on company policy, you can learn the little tricks to dealing with uncooperative henchmen and those who unionize or demand benefits packages. Plus, since this is such a large corporation, there are many different stores around the country to which you can transfer. Did a new vein of radioactive super ore show up in Arkansas? Transfer there. Is there a second gold rush in California? Transfer again. Are the heroes hot on your trail? Transfer somewhere else. Plus, you have something which you can place on your alter-ego's resume just in case you need to fill out a form or something. And nothing builds supervillainous rage like inept consumers!
Drawbacks: You work at Wal-Mart. That in itself probably is a drawback inherent while working at Wal-Mart. But, it might just depend on the person, and, since you're a supervillain, you might just be opposed to taking orders from Manager John. This means that you'll probably be fired pretty quickly when you draw a laser pistol and turn the entire management staff into piles of ash. Or you might be promoted. Who knows? Chances are that you'll alert the heroes to your location or, even worse, is if the heroes are in your particular Wal-Mart since heroing might not pay the bills as well as it did before. Worse than that is being blindsided by an unknown hero such as The Rednecker while stationed in Tennessee. And, if you're captured, other supervillains will definitely question your plans after they found you working at Wal-Mart. Would you take deathray plans from a supervillain who was apprehended in Wal-Mart blue? You probably wouldn't. However, if he/she offered you plans on a deathmop, look into that.
How to make it better: With the comings and goings of massive amounts of consumers you should never be at a loss for unwilling subjects in your newest ethically ambiguous experiments.
Now, you should have the knowledge to make sure that mental apathy doesn't sap that supervillainous mind of yours. What once could have been a supervillain who fell from a deathray into a bank vault might just become the next supervillain capable of chaining increasingly destructive deathrays to further the supervillainous quest. Just think of what these slight suggestions might do for your next scheme. Even if you never enact on these suggestions you might just ignite that lone ember which smolders into the mental inferno which catapults you to supervillain stardom and world domination. Then who will be laughing when you use hordes of mosquitoes to infect the world's populace with a clown inspired virus which causes unstoppable laughter, hemorrhaging, and acute hallucinations, use your newest charitable organization to raise funds to distribute an antidote/vaccine via pyramid scheme, and develop a universe crushing protoray - all while observing the chaos from your job at Wal-Mart?
