12 Ways the Ending to "Paranormal Activity" Could Have Been Better

by King Oblivion, Ph.D.

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"Paranormal Activity" is the scary-movie event of the year. It's made like $40 million so far on a $15,000 budget. It's regularly a trending topic on Twitter. And people apparently "DEMANDED IT!"

Too bad the ending (which we won't give away here, even though they do in the commercials) makes the movie amount to an hour-and-a-half version of one of those internet jump-scare videos. But there was a lot of potential there, so here's some ways they might be able to improve things in the DVD release (they can use any or all).

  • It turns out Katie's friend did it
  • The demon and that psychic guy finally get together, paying off on all that sexual tension
  • A title card that reads: "THIS WILL UNDOUBTEDLY HAPPEN TO YOU, AUDIENCE MEMBER MICHELLE WEISMAN! YES! YOU!"
  • It turns out the bed did it
  • Freddy shows up and starts all crackin' wise and shit
  • Instead of it's a demon, it's Joan Rivers! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
  • It turns out the camera did it
  • The demon bursts out of the darkness and pounces onto the bed holding a kickass vintage "metal axxe" wraith and busts out the solo from "Master of Puppets"
  • All his friends jump out from behind the couch and tell Micah this has all been one big birthday surprise
  • It turns out the creaky pipes did it
  • Once it's all said and done, Katie and Micah get hardcore busy
  • Three words: Vincent Price narration
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Comments

Argh, now I have to pay for this movie, just for the ending. Why couldn't you rather have let me complain about spoiling the ending instead?

Vincent Price narration makes EVERYTHING better.

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