International Society of Supervillains: Evil Reality TV

Reality TV. I love it.

As a villain I enjoy few things more than witnessing the downfall of society and these hideous, brain-melting shows illustrate it in a way few other things can.

Here's fun- take a sociology professor in his mid to late 60s, strap him down in front of any of the zillions of shows featuring insane nobodies whoreing themselves out for their 15 minutes of poxy fame and the promise of a pittance prize and watch him literally cry himself to death. Fun!

But one thing does irk me- I like to be the one bringing about the destruction of social order and these shows are beating me to the punch. Therefore it falls on me to thrust my own shows into the slack faces of the bleating masses.

Coming soon from ISS TV!

Ho my bitch up. Prissy, uptight girlfriends are sent to West Coast Pimp Shack to be "Whored Up". The team focuses on the exterior but makes sure to fine tune what's "under the hood". Snoop Doggy Dogg hosts.

Limbo.12 contestants are tricked into thinking that they are in limbo as their souls hang in the balance. They are told that their thoughts and actions over the next few days will determine if they go to Heaven or Hell! Will they resist temptation? Will they make it to the pearly gates? Will they bash their own brains out when they realise that they totally could have banged the "Temptation Hotty" sent in on day two? Starring Morgan Freeman's voice as God.

Romancing the Stoner. 6 girls have to convince some hardcore pot smokers to clean themselves up enough to take them on a fancy date in the Ritz without getting thrown out! The 'twist' is that one of them is not actually stoned... he's retarded! Owen Wilson guests as himself.

Straight eye for the Queer guy. A team of hardcore manly men take a particularly camp gay guy and "man him up" by teaching him to fight, swear, spit, learn about sports and not give a shit about his hair. Ben Stiller is swiftly beaten to death by way of an example.

Fear%20Factor%20Live.jpg Toddler Fear Factor. Whichever parents can prevent their child from crying long enough as their covered with venomous millipedes is the winner!

The Surgeon - You're cut! Wannabe Harley Street docs battle it out to become "The Surgeon". Tasks include blindfolded-appendectomy, drunk-vasectomy and triple-heart-bypass whilst being fingered in the ass by a stripper. Dr Cox off-of Scrubs hosts.

I can F$%king Sing, You F$%king F$%k! "Talent" show where wannabies attempt to convince a morphine-addled Simon Cowell that they can sing by screaming abuse at him whilst hitting him with a wiffle bat.

Extreme Survivor. Two teams are released on an island filled with
vicious animals and weaponry. The winning team get $1,000,000. The losers get, well, killed. Ryan Seacrest is contractually required to be on the losing team.

Bully 4 U. 16 people enter a Big Brother style house little knowing that the "tasks" that they will have to do have been dreamt up by the people they used to bully at school.

I'm the Leatheriest Bitch of all these Leathery Bitches. 16 awful, awful women prove how hideously awful they are by actually being so desperate for any sort of television exposure that they will actually compete for the affections of living man-purse Brett Michaels. The twist is two of these women are actually lovely liberal ladies who have been told that if Brett picks them $1,000,000 will be donated to Oxfam.

Brat Camper Some 'troubled' teens are given a makeover to look like unconvincing members of the opposite sex and then send to an inner city school.

Fool around... with my dog. How low will some people go for some TV exposure and a few bucks? No, I'm kidding. What seriously? Surely they wou... Oh Jesus. Oh my... I...