October 23
Saw VI
What it's about: Blah blah blah Jigsaw Killer blah blah new set of traps blah blah blah stealing the opening sequence from the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
What to expect: To see the same goddamn movie every year for the rest of your life.
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
What it's about: From the directors of classic parodies like "Date Movie" and "Disaster Movie" comes "Vampire Movie," starring John C. Reilly as John Twilight and a bunch of other people as characters from completely different genres even though, according to the title, the vampire genre is what the whole thing was supposed to be about.
What to expect: Upon actually paying attention the the trailer this time, this is apparently not a broad, terrible genre parody, but is intended to be a movie in its own right. Could have fooled me, though. I mean, come on, look at John C. Reilly there and tell me he doesn't look like Dracula bit Dewey Cox.
Amelia
What it's about: A woman (Hilary Swank)?!? Flying an aeroplane machine? Have you ever heard of such a thing? What a work of preposterous fiction! Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
What to expect: She'll probably make it around the world. This looks like one of those feel-good biopics.
October 28
This Is It
What it's about: Michael Jackson (Michael Jackson) prepares for the 50 concerts that never happened in London. Meanwhile, people who are apparently psychic talk about him like he's already dead.
What to expect: He'll probably do those concerts and they'll be a big success. This looks like one of those feel-good documentaries.
October 30
The House of the Devil
What it's about: A college student (Jocelin Donahue) takes a babysitting job from some weird people whose house is apparently owned by Satan himself. You'd think the devil would go with something a little more imposing than a two-story suburban home with yellow siding, but maybe that's the idea, I don't know.
What to expect: In every way, it looks like this movie just straight-up traveled through a time warp from 1981. That makes since, though, given that that was when the devil lived.
Gentleman Broncos
What it's about: From Jared Hess, the director of "Napoleon Dynamite," comes a movie that makes his other movies look like they were totally quirkless! This one's gonna quirk your shit, man! It'll quirk your ass up!
What to expect: The plot from that episode of "Stella" where the famous author steals a book from Michael, Michael and David, but stretched to three times as long.
Comments
"This looks like one of those feel-good biopics."
WIN.
Posted by: Darth Obvius | October 17, 2009 1:35 PM