Subject's name: Thanos of Titan
Subject's Powers: Super strength, super speed, energy blasts and... Screw it. We're talking about the Infinity Gems here. Thanos has the ability to control everything in the universe by simply wearing a glove containing the Gems.
Why this power seems good: What couldn't you do with a glove which grants you the power of God? That's a somewhat rhetorical question. Basically, the Infinity Gems allow you to do pretty much everything from bitch slapping Captain America dead to imprisoning the personifications of the universe's constants. Then you could eat a sundae while killing the dinosaurs and turning the universe into various shades of pastel and neon just to mess with people.
Why it might actually suck: Your power is tied into a glove. Seriously, even Thanos had trouble with this one. The only reason he lost the Infinity Gauntlet was because he put it down on a table and a zombie woman stole it. This means that you can never safely remove your glove without the possibility of someone taking it from you. And that's not the worst part. The trouble comes because, by wearing and using the Gems, you've just become the enemy of everyone and everything. You might be able to keep Jimmy from Down the Street at bay by locking your door but that won't stop Mephistopheles from helling his way into your room or the personification of space from blasting your ass.
As far as using the glove goes, you have an insane learning curve. Sure making a delicious sandwich from cockroaches and soap scum is easy. Trying to rewrite the laws of physics and nature will probably take some getting used to. You may be able to reverse gravity with relative ease but you'll probably forget a simple variable which screws everything up. So when you decide to make the atmosphere turn to bourbon you might forget that people can't breathe whiskey and you wind up killing all the strippers you made for company.
Let's not forget the psychological pressures associated with the gems. How long can you focus on any given task? Probably about an hour if you're really into it. If you're not into the task you might just start letting your mind wander and that can really muck things up for you when you're trying to kill a legion of angry angels. Or you might accidentally will the Gems off your body if you aren't paying attention and Sexy Heroine challenges you to a pillow fight in her bed. And if you've managed to "pacify" the universe via violence and have done everything you can think of, what is left for you to do? Unless you have some objective, things could get very, very boring, especially if you haven't used your imagination since that time you forgot Mother's Day and needed an excuse as to why you didn't call.
Your rise and fall: One day you decide to answer a television advertisement about going to school to get a degree in criminal justice (so you can learn what the law is up to these days). After robbing a few classmates for books (they're expensive) you dump an unconscious classmate into a garbage bin. You kick the can for good measure and it goes spiraling down a hill, but a strange gemmed glove falls out of the classmate's backpack. You think you might be able to sell the glove for some cash so you take it. Since the pawn shops all closed for the night by the time you get home you decide to try the glove on. It fits, perfectly. When you sit down to watch television you wish that Letterman was interviewing Malin Akerman rather than the D List celebrity currently on air. The celebrity vanishes and a nude Akerman (because you thought that as well and if you didn't shame on you) has replaced Miss D List to the confusion of everyone. You wonder what happened and wish your refrigerator was full of beer and food since you're broke, thirsty and hungry due to the recession. Much to your surprise the refrigerator door bursts off its hinges and beer and fried chicken spill onto the floor. You decide that the glove has some mystical powers and that classmate was totally holding out on you. The next day you return to campus to "ask" the classmate about the glove and wreak havoc. Along the way you find that you can fire energy blasts, toss busses and cause an entire lecture hall to strip and sing Rick Astley after you turn the hall into an architecture piece best described as Lovecraft meets Escher. While you laugh at the people running in terror you almost miss that classmate you stuffed into a trash can sneaking behind you. He reveals himself to be The Scholar, defender of campuses. He tries to use his knowledge attack by describing the laws of physics. To screw with him, you alter the laws. Now gravity moves left and liquids can be compressed. As he is being crushed against a car due to the new gravity pattern he mumbles something about your clothing being homosexual in nature. You quickly use the Gems to remove your clothes and replace them with a killer (literally) suit (of death power armor). However, you forget to alter the glove on your hand and the armor underneath shreds it. The tattered remnants careen into The Scholar who then uses them to undo everything that you have done, and, for good measure, transports you directly to jail while keeping you from collecting $200.
Rock Bottom: After washing your smelly glove you accidentally throw an Infinity Gem away with the crap in the lint filter
Diamond in the Rough: For a time not only will you be the most powerful being in the universe but also the one wearing the best bling in the universe. Street cred, yo!
Comments
Hilarious, man :)
Nice work. I think one of the best villains is the Shocker. He is actually reasonably competent.
Posted by: Colonel Masters | October 18, 2009 5:05 AM