November 6
Disney's A Christmas Carol
What it's about: It's Charles Dickens' classic story, but made better with the voice talents of Jim Carrey, 3-D, and lengthy, unnecessary action sequences. It's what Dickens would have wanted, but didn't have the technology to do at the time.
What to expect: A Christmas movie that finally overtakes "The Polar Express" for the award for most horrific, disturbing animation of all time. Congrats, Disney!
The Fourth Kind
What it's about: In this sequel to the Spielberg classic "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," Richard Dreyfuss shows those nice aliens how to make shit out of mashed potatoes.
What to expect: Actually, it's a movie about Milla Jovovich intervieing people who have been abducted by aliens, and then they float and shit. It also includes a lot of "okay-we-get-you-already" assertions that this really happened, no, for serious.
The Box
What it's about: A mysterious dude with a scar (Frank Langella) offers tow down-on-their-luck parents (Cameron Diaz and Cyclops) a million dollars if they'll just push a button that will kill someone, somewhere that they don't know. For some reason, that's a difficult decision for them.
What to expect: It's from the same director as "Donnie Darko" and "Southland Tales," so it's reasonable to expect it will make no goddamn sense.
The Men Who Stare At Goats
What it's about: A reporter (Ewan McGregor) finds out all the details of an Army project in the 1980s to give soldiers superpowers from one of those very soldiers (George Clooney). There is also music by Boston!
What to expect: At least one Captain America joke. There's got to be one, you guys.
November 13
2012
What it's about: THE WORLD IS EXPLODING OMG LET'S ESCAPE IT IN A CAR
What to expect: THEN WE WILL GET ON A PLANE AND FLY TO THE MOON THIS IS A GREAT PLAN YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME
Pirate Radio
What it's about: "Arr! Ye be listnin' to WRRR, all pirate radio! It's the top o' the hourrr, and right after this news of doin's on the high seas, we'll be back with 16 straight rum-drinkin' hits!"
What to expect: Philip Seymour Hoffman's gonna save Britain or something by getting on a boat and playing rock music. Look, just pretend it's all like that quote above and we'll both be better off.
Comments
For serious, that uncanny valley shit in Polar Express and A Christmas Carol (NOW WITH CRAZY MAYHEM!!!!) is freaky.
My own Deathbot project robots look nothing like almost-Humans. Although I might put the works from one into a Real Doll for April Fool's Day.
- Rache
Posted by: Operative Rache | November 1, 2009 7:55 PM
I bet the twist is that the person the button kills is the last person who pushed the button!
Posted by: Senor Taco | November 2, 2009 11:22 AM
Well, that was the (implied) twist in the Twilight Zone episode. The original short story had the twist that it killed the dude's wife as no-one really knows anyone else that well.
The Twilight Zone version worked better than the Mattheson version that time, I think.
Posted by: Battler Belize! | November 2, 2009 6:57 PM