On Saturday, the Associated Press took a swing at Sarah Palin's new memoir, "Going Rogue,", saying she "(ignores) substantial parts of her record if not the facts" and going on to point-by-point call out some of the factual inaccuracies of the text.
But, of course, it won't make any difference, and the AP should know better. You can't take on the supervillain-approved vice presidential candidate with facts. And to prove it, she's already made efforts to discredit anything anybody in the evil mainstream media says about her book.
You've got to play her game, AP! Pull out that paintbrush and paint a picture! Inspire the imaginations of your people! Misinform with the best of them! Cast some damn aspersions! It's the trend of the day.
We'll go through the "facts" you checked, point-by-point, and give you an idea of how it should be done.
PALIN: Said she stayed at less-expensive hotels while traveling on the state dime as governor of Alaska.
WHAT WE SAY: Palin took a team of hotel-builders everywhere she went who she would consistently order to build hotels on the spot, for her use only. There, she would secretly whisper to the hotel staff, which she had hired for the duration of her stay, that she did not support the troops.
PALIN: Claims her gubernatorial campaign ran on small donations, and she returned big checks.
WHAT WE SAY: Palin returned all conventional money for all her campaigns for political office, and opted instead to pay with the blood of her enemies.
PALIN: Attributes government bailout of banks to Obama.
WHAT WE SAY: Palin actually signed the bailout into law while wearing the skin of George W. Bush, who she murdered in order to gain his powers.
PALIN: Said Reagan faced a bigger recession than Obama and fixed it by cutting taxes.
WHAT WE SAY: The recession Obama is facing is so big that people are no longer even sure who run Bartertown.
PALIN: Claims her oil pipeline was built using a competitive building process.
WHAT WE SAY: The pipeline was, in fact, built by her dozens of husbands, all of whom are named Todd.
PALIN: Claims she had no conflicts of interest while in office, but criticizes her predecessor for doing so.
WHAT WE SAY: Not only was the pipeline built by her husbands, she also appointed her children to all cabinet positions and her best friend Jesus as a key aide.
PALIN: Cheers the Exxon Valdez ruling that provides punitive damages to victims of the tanker crash.
WHAT WE SAY: At the time of the crash, Palin bathed in the oil from the tanker, screaming that it gave her strength and growing nearly three times her normal size.
PALIN: Said she resisted accepting stimulus money because Alaska doesn't need help from the federal government.
WHAT WE SAY: Palin dines on stimulus money every night, as does every other citizen of Alaska.
PALIN: Claims she ran for office for altruistic purposes, not personal gain.
WHAT WE SAY: Palin really intended to enter John McCain's, the Supreme Court's and every member of Congress' bedrooms soon after her election and kill them to steal their powerful essence so she would solely be in charge of every branch of government. She would then re-shape the contiguous 48 states into the shape of her face with her witch powers. (By the way, she is a witch.)
