International Society of Supervillains: The ISS Takes on: CNN's Assessment of the Tiger Woods Car-Crash Incident

Because no news really happens on Black Friday besides people running each other over to get a $500 HDTV, Tiger Woods' little early-morning car accident outside his Florida home, in which he backed into a fire hydrant, then hit a tree, became the non-shopping story of the day.

First, his injuries were "very serious." They were quickly downgraded to "cuts and bruises," but there now seems to be more to the story, with news that his wife smashed out the car's back windows to get to him, and now he's refused to answer the police's questions about it three times.

Because of the extraordinary difficulty of why someone famous wouldn't want to talk to police about something embarrassing they did, CNN brought in their senior legal analyst, Jeffrey Toobin.

Let's see what he had to say.

Tiger Woods is under no legal obligation to speak with police. The Fifth Amendment gives everyone an absolute right to refuse to talk to them. He may be counting on the fact that if no new news emerges, everybody will move on.

Okay, give this a try. Next time the cops pull you over for speeding, tell them you don't need to say how fast you were going. It's your Fifth Amendment right to refuse to answer their questions! See how far that gets you.

The police don't have a lot of options. If someone doesn't want to talk to you, you as a police officer can't do anything about it.

Note: The "someone" in this sentence specifically refers to the most famous professional athlete in the world. All the other people get their asses stomped and thrown in jail.

In theory, they could get a search warrant, but you need probable cause that a crime took place, and at this point, I don't see anything that would justify it.

Yeah, those theoretical search warrants are a bitch to get.

Woods may not talk to them because there is possibly something unpleasant and embarrassing that he doesn't want to share with them, and he has that right.

Ohhhhhhhh! So that's the reason! I thought he just didn't like guys with mustaches!

Based on what is publicly known, Woods has a public relations problem much more than a legal problem. He's arguably the most famous athlete in the world, and his team's overall strategy is a gamble that his general statement of responsibility won't be overtaken by events or other disclosures.

Don't you hate it when events get all up in your general statements of responsibility?

...he needs to figure out a way to show the public what happened, or explain why he won't be talking about what happened. Obviously he doesn't have that answer yet.

Thank you for that penetrating insight, Mr. Senior Legal Expert.

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