0:06 When I think "Christmas", the first thing that comes to mind is a half-naked woman walking through the desert. Of course, that's usually the only thing on my mind, so I may not be the best barometer here.

0:11 Did Michael Bay just jump cut to the same shot?

0:22 Oh don't mind me, I'm just lounging around the house in scanty lingerie, a pink fur robe, and high heels just like the real women who purchase and wear our products do.

0:26 Airwolf is totally looking down that woman's dress.

0:35 Add your own pun involving the word "rack" here.

Because "rack" is a thing that pool players do, and it's also another word for breasts you see.

0:37 Clowns, fires, and half-naked girls? Uh-oh, I'm having a "Gathering of the Juggalos" flashback here.

0:47 I can only achieve an erection if I'm strangling a helpless and adorable small animal. What number fantasy would that be?

0:49 Is she wearing makeup with diamonds in it? The tastelessness of such a display aside, she kind of looks like the Twilight vampire crying tears of joy after a successful sex change operation.

0:52 Yeah, if your fantasies involve tying women down and throwing knives at them, I would seek professional help.

0:56 Nothing says sexy quite like a PRIMAL BANSHEE YELL.

1:01 A Victoria's Secret commercial with constant jump cuts, strobing lights, and shaking cameras? Michael Bay doesn't really get masturbation, does he?

1:09 Boy, I'm glad that they sprung for the plane in the background there. That really made the video for me.

1:14 Really Michael Bay? Really?

1:15 "Surely this explosion-and-boob filled ad from the director of Transformers 2 will help market our product to women!"

1:20 ONE THOUSAND FANTASIES, ABOUT THREE OF WHICH ANY WOMAN WITH HEALTHY LEVELS OF SELF-ESTEEM WOULD ACTUALLY AGREE TO PARTICIPATE IN.

1:24 Oh hey, breasts. That's new.

1:32 Well, that still wasn't as weird as the time Bob Dylan showed up in one.