January 22
Extraordinary Measures
What it's about: Brendan Fraser (Brendan Fraser) has two sick kids. He asks Dr. Han Solo (Harrison Ford) to cure cancer for him. And against all odds, he does it! This is based on a true story, by the way.
What to expect: Lots of emotional manipulation disguised as warm-hearted, wholesome entertainment. It, frankly, makes us jealous we didn't make it.
Tooth Fairy
What it's about: The Rock continues to pay off the bet he lost which forces him to star in shitty, unfunny kids movies in which he plays stars of various sports. Apparently Stephen Merchant lost a similar bet. Billy Crystal, this is pretty much his speed nowadays.
What to expect: A really, really unbelievable premise. A black hockey star? Come on now!
Legion
What it's about: So God is pissed off (probably about the gays or something) and he decides he's just going to send a bunch of angels to Earth and put this whole humanity experiment to bed. But wait! A waitress (Adrianne Palicki) is pregnant with some kind of super-baby who can save humanity! So a rogue angel dude (Paul Bettany) decides to protect her from in the diner instead of, I dunno, somewhere safe.
What to expect: Crazy shit, like old ladies climbing around on walls and guys with stretcho-arms or Dennis Quaid's country accent!
January 29
When in Rome
What it's about: Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) is a real klutzo! She goes to Rome, where she meets another klutzo (Josh Duhamel) who seems perfect for her. But that would only make the movie like 15 minutes long, so she also steals a bunch of coins from a fountain so that some caricatures would fall in love with her and say badly written lines.
What to expect: She puts the coins back and gets together with the only guy who is named in the trailer. That's 12 extra dollars in your pocket, right there. Also: A movie so light on content that they had to stretch out the trailer with ads for its horrible soundtrack. The trailer!
Edge of Darkness
What it's about: Mel Gibson takes his characters from "Payback" and "Ransom," throws them together in a blender and adds in a horrible Boston accent. Whole new character! He takes that brand new character and tries to avenge the death of his daughter, who was apparently a terrorist or something.
What to expect: One hell of a torture scene. That's pretty much a given.
Comments
The part about the Edge of Darkness trailer that gets me more than anything else is the fact that Gibson ACTUALLY SAYS "I'm a guy with nothing to lose." That's just sad.
Posted by: Spleeny | January 17, 2010 2:04 PM
Glad to see I'm not the only who thought The Rock's sport was the most unbelievable part of the trailer.
Also, what in the world do angels and Armageddon have to do with somebody's jaw unhinging about two feet??!
Posted by: Darth Obvius | January 21, 2010 11:55 AM