by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
In a piece of news seemingly taken directly from the "are sure you didn't read this in The Onion?" collection, a Nevada adult expo saw the debut of the world's first interactive sex robot.
Now, while we here at the ISS are known fans of anything that hastens the inevitable decline of civilized society, we can't help but feel that machines such as *sigh* Roxxxy detract somewhat from the actual purpose of robots, namely cheap, expendable cannon fodder.
Also, it looks like this:
Gah!
Some notable excerpts from the official press release:
Thank God. For a moment there, I was worried that this might not be the creepiest fucking thing ever
I'm sure that the ability to carry on a conversation with their fuckdoll is a high priority for your clientele.
Most people are uncomfortable with the idea of their credit card information floating around the internet. I don't think the world is ready for a robot that knows all about your "being tied up and beaten by a girl dressed as Batman" fetish.
Perhaps I've said too much here.
The idea that a "girlfriend personality" is something that can be uploaded into a woman-shaped bodily fluid receptacle is somehow even more sexist than simply treating women as lifeless slabs of meat.
Now enough chat, let's meet our roster of fightin' fuckdolls! This year's starting lineup features...
Wait, a sexrobot that doesn't want to have sex with you? Is this like an Andy Kaufman routine or something?
Programming a robot to hurt you is a Good Idea. Especially if you're planning on shoving your dick in it.
Well, I'm going to go ahead and scream for the rest of my life. Anyone care to join me?
Learning about sex from a robot with an alliterative name just might be the most undignified thing in the entire world. Of course, anyone caught using one of these probably didn't have all that much dignity to begin with.
Wow, you can trade robot sex personalities with other users! It's just like Pokemon! Except it's a horrible affront against the natural order of things!
Finally, a few words from the creator himself on the motivation for this epic undertaking.
Well played sir. Well played.








Comments
This shit is fucked up.
I like it.
Posted by: Skullmaster | January 12, 2010 1:38 PM
Horrifying.
...So, where's my man-shaped sex bot, hm? Actually, y'know what--skip it. I want a man-shaped kill bot instead. Someone get on that, fill it with kryptonite, and then ship it to me.
Posted by: Gal Sabre | January 12, 2010 10:20 PM
Umm, Gal Sabre? Did you get a good look at the sex doll's Face? It's a strap-on and an adam's apple from being that male sex bot.
And hopefully someone will program a Lorena Bobbit Sex-Kill bot personality for it.
Posted by: ComputerKing | January 13, 2010 8:22 AM
No good can possibly come of this.
Posted by: Darth Obvius | January 14, 2010 7:25 AM
...All my life I have tried to make the most terrifying machine ever.
And I got one-upped by these guys. I always assumed it would be Japan. Maybe I should hang up the lab coat and ridiculous goggles...
Posted by: Prof Innocuous | January 14, 2010 7:23 PM
World's first sex-bot and she looks like Catherine Tate just got kicked in the back of the head?
This will NOT do at all.
Posted by: Senor Taco | January 15, 2010 3:27 AM
What, no personality called "Virginia Dentata"?
Posted by: Jon H | January 15, 2010 2:26 PM
I think I'll join you in screaming for the rest of our lives.
Posted by: The Evil Giggler | February 19, 2010 3:18 PM