The ISS Takes On: Sex Robots

by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third

In a piece of news seemingly taken directly from the "are sure you didn't read this in The Onion?" collection, a Nevada adult expo saw the debut of the world's first interactive sex robot.

Now, while we here at the ISS are known fans of anything that hastens the inevitable decline of civilized society, we can't help but feel that machines such as *sigh* Roxxxy detract somewhat from the actual purpose of robots, namely cheap, expendable cannon fodder.

Also, it looks like this:

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Gah!

Some notable excerpts from the official press release:

-Roxxxy TrueCompanion is anatomically consistent with a human

Thank God. For a moment there, I was worried that this might not be the creepiest fucking thing ever

-She can hear you, speak to you, feel your touch, carry on a conversation, and have an orgasm

I'm sure that the ability to carry on a conversation with their fuckdoll is a high priority for your clientele.

-Artificial intelligence engine lets Roxxxy learn your likes and dislikes

Most people are uncomfortable with the idea of their credit card information floating around the internet. I don't think the world is ready for a robot that knows all about your "being tied up and beaten by a girl dressed as Batman" fetish.

Perhaps I've said too much here.

-Comes preloaded with 5 separate girlfriend personalities

The idea that a "girlfriend personality" is something that can be uploaded into a woman-shaped bodily fluid receptacle is somehow even more sexist than simply treating women as lifeless slabs of meat.

Now enough chat, let's meet our roster of fightin' fuckdolls! This year's starting lineup features...

-Frigid Farrah (reserved and shy)

Wait, a sexrobot that doesn't want to have sex with you? Is this like an Andy Kaufman routine or something?

-S&M Susan ("ready to provide your pain/pleasure fantasies")

Programming a robot to hurt you is a Good Idea. Especially if you're planning on shoving your dick in it.

-Young ("she is oh so young (barely 18) and waiting for you to teach her")

Well, I'm going to go ahead and scream for the rest of my life. Anyone care to join me?

-Mature Martha ("she is very experienced and would like to teach you")

Learning about sex from a robot with an alliterative name just might be the most undignified thing in the entire world. Of course, anyone caught using one of these probably didn't have all that much dignity to begin with.

-You can design your own personality profiles and share them online

Wow, you can trade robot sex personalities with other users! It's just like Pokemon! Except it's a horrible affront against the natural order of things!

Finally, a few words from the creator himself on the motivation for this epic undertaking.

Well played sir. Well played.

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Comments

This shit is fucked up.
I like it.

Horrifying.

...So, where's my man-shaped sex bot, hm? Actually, y'know what--skip it. I want a man-shaped kill bot instead. Someone get on that, fill it with kryptonite, and then ship it to me.

Umm, Gal Sabre? Did you get a good look at the sex doll's Face? It's a strap-on and an adam's apple from being that male sex bot.

And hopefully someone will program a Lorena Bobbit Sex-Kill bot personality for it.

No good can possibly come of this.

...All my life I have tried to make the most terrifying machine ever.

And I got one-upped by these guys. I always assumed it would be Japan. Maybe I should hang up the lab coat and ridiculous goggles...

World's first sex-bot and she looks like Catherine Tate just got kicked in the back of the head?

This will NOT do at all.

What, no personality called "Virginia Dentata"?

I think I'll join you in screaming for the rest of our lives.

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