April 2
Clash of the Titans
What it's about: Zeus (Liam Neeson) decides the humans have gotten too uppity and unleashes a bunch of huge monsters on them. Meanwhile, the humans beat the monsters by acting all badass and talking about how tough they are.
What to expect: Remember that game "God of War?" Like that, but without the emotional resonance.
Why Did I Get Married Too?
What it's about: Four couples go for a retreat on an island full of jarring tonal shifts.
What to expect: Remember that movie "Couples Retreat?" Like that, but with about 100 times the emotional resonance, deserved or not.
Furry Vengeance
What it's about: In a seeming waste of a title, this movie isn't at all about an online sex community finally having enough and not wanting to take it anymore. No, this one's about woodland creatures playing pranks on Brendan Fraser (Brendan Fraser) to try to get him to stop revitalizing the local economy.
What to expect:: About 80 minutes of mugging, followed by five minutes of message.
April 9
Date Night
What it's about: Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) and Michael Scott (Steve Carrell) get caught up in some wacky hijinks when they accidentally claim someone else's reservation in a restaurant! It's like "30 Rock" or "The Office," but with car chases!
What to expect:: See above.
Letters to God
What it's about: A kid with cancer is too stupid to understand that the U.S. Postal Service can't send letters to God with a regular stamp. That shit costs like, $900.
What to expect:: For every fucking heartstring you have to be pulled until it breaks. From emotion.
Comments
Kids these days have no imagination. Back in my day we used to send letters to God all the time. We simply read them to a priest until he could quote it verbatim. Then we shot him in the head. Afterward, he quoted our letter to God. Signed, sealed and sent. With a bullet.
Posted by: Villainous Godot | March 28, 2010 5:21 PM
(Insert highly witty altar-boy pedo joke here.)
Posted by: The Evil Giggler | March 29, 2010 1:05 PM
The last one also reminds me of God of War.
Posted by: guayec | March 30, 2010 1:46 PM