1. I will list your website in our search engine for free with static links to your website.
With thousands of our pages indexed by Google and Yahoo!, you will literally get hundreds of links to your content pages in relevant static pages.
I'd prefer to have pages with something other than just static on them, thank you very much.
2. I will generate reports of your site's ranking in every search engine (Google, Yahoo!, Google Images, etc.) for every single one of your keywords, so you always know your site's position everywhere all the time, automatically.
Or I could just Google it. You know, save you the trouble.
3. I will provide you with full statistical breakdown of your website's traffic, referrers, keywords and do it better than GA. These reports will also include specialty search engine data, such as Google Image Search (that's how I found your site btw), News Search, Local Search, Video Search, Google Maps, etc. etc. all automatically.
What image were you searching for? One of my butt? There are thousands hidden right here on the site. Hope you found one!
4. I will not charge you a penny. (Not a free trial, just free)
Yeah, but what's in this for me?
What I've listed above is what our Real Analytics tool does.
But you just said it would be YOU doing this Alex. So you are a liar, then
Why free? Besides the free program that I described above, we also have Advertising/Publishing solutions.
Oh, so you're going to give me free Googles and then I'll buy Googles from you. Makes sense.
Those are of course optional. Needs change, and some of our Real Analytics users may decide to participate in those paid programs at some point in the future.
Who needs change? The Googles?
So by providing you with some valuable freebies, we get a potential customer who has benefitted from our services. This is a common approach within the industry, Google certainly does it.
Oh, well, if Google jumped off a cliff, would you? (You probably should, Google makes some amazing business decisions.)
Please don't hesitate to email me with any of your questions or comments.
How about I just post them here?
Regards,
Alex Prikhodko
And now the proof of the lie: You really expect me to believe a name like Prick Hard Co is real?
No thanks to your Googles, sir.
