You know, people say that political discourse is all but dead in the United States, but it could be a lot worse. I mean, nobody's made a cartoon yet in which the president raped the Statue of Liberty yet, right?

Oh. Nevermind then.

Yeah, it's pretty outrageous that someone would equate passing a bill to raping a symbol of freedom (I'll have you all know that when we rape freedom, it will be literal and painful for all of you). And people have said as much. But let's be honest with ourselves here. This wouldn't be the first time that rabblerousers have used rape (or perhaps vampirism) as the most extreme metaphor they could think of for someone doing something they didn't like.

The more important questions here are these: Why the hell are they in a bedroom? Is the implication here that Obama date-raped liberty? Like, maybe he took her to a screening of "Hot Tub Time Machine" and slipped something in her Sprite during the previews?

Or did he break in through the window, ruffle some stuff up, knock over a lamp, mess up the mirrors, smash the torch, and then commit the rape in Lady Liberty's house? Doesn't that kind of stuff happen in like, back alleys and stuff? (Sub-question: She has a house?) Also, that would be a lot of preamble, don't you think? And it would leave a lot of evidence behind.

More importantly, why'd he take his shirt off? That was totally unnecessary. Also: He seems to have stayed overnight. That must have been awkward. Unless he broke in and committed rape in the middle of the day, which would be ill-advised (though it seems that Lady Liberty apparently has no interest in calling the police).

And then he says he's going to return to the scene of the crime! With other people!

What I'm saying here is that the issue isn't that our president is a rapist. It's that he's terrible at it.