If you're observant, then you may have noticed that everything can go wrong with every woman on the list. If you're paranoid (and you are), then realize that none of your romantic endeavors will ever work out and that you'll die alone clutching a rotting bag of potatoes adorned with a mop head you used in lieu of the woman you're pining over as you draw your last breath. Now go out there and capture the woman of your dreams in your net of love.
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"Reading the ISS is like watching a beloved relative die."
-Chris Sims of The ISB.
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Contributors:
Sympathizers:
Comics:
Etc.:
March 12, 2010
The Women We Know: A Guide to Supervillain Girlfriends, Part 2
March 9, 2010
The ISS Takes on: Internet Comics Journalism and the Amazon Price Glitch
A "journalist" we don't wanna name sure does love bragging about how much money he makes off his "news."
March 5, 2010
The Women We Know: A Guide to Supervillain Girlfriends, Part 1
March is here for us supervillains. But what exactly does that mean? Well, if you're the villain who celebrates love in some sort of way, then you have to get busy since March is the official month of love (as soon as our calendar takes effect - get on board early). You may already have your romantic target in your sights, or she might already be in your bedroom. No matter the case, she probably expects you to get/do something in celebration of your evil love.
March 2, 2010
The ISS Takes on: Making Disney Executives into Marvel Characters
Maybe this Marvel/Disney deal wasn't such a good idea after all.
February 20, 2010
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Death Adder
Having a spiked tail and poison talons isn't all it's cracked up to be.
January 27, 2010
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "You Been a Pal"
This moment is a spoiler. Read at your own risk!
January 24, 2010
Cheap-Ass Game Review: YuGiOh: Dungeon Dice Monsters
YuGiOh: Dungeon Dice Monsters is a game based off of a very minor subplot in an anime created by a Japanese guy who thought board games translated into quality entertainment. We're not so sure about "quality," or "entertainment" for that matter, but, dammit, that guy made more money than if the Parker Brothers mugged Milton Bradley. But, for those uneducated types, if you must know about the origin of this dice game, go to www.yugiohtheabridgedseries.com and look for the episode about playing dice. No, we won't tell you which episode. We're not your keepers. Do some research.
January 20, 2010
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "But We're Supposed To Sit By While This Administration Commits Crimes"
John Horus had a point to prove, and he had to kill the president and vice president to prove it.
January 16, 2010
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Clayface
Presenting: The Clayface/Beyonce Corollary.
January 13, 2010
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "This Is Going To Hurt You a Lot More Than It Does Me"
The Joker: Man of the people.
January 8, 2010
Re-Packaged Pulp Fiction: The Honest Approach
If message boards wrote pulp fiction novels.
December 12, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Multiple Santa
Not everybody gets awesome powers. Some people have to live with powers like the ability to make clones of themselves whose weaknesses are noogies.
November 25, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: Bullseye Out-Daredevils Daredevil
Bullseye made a pretty good Daredevil. You know, except for the killing.
November 22, 2009
8 Things About Life I Learned From Grant Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony
Playing Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony was a learning experience.
November 21, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Brainwave
Telepathy and telekinesis ain't all they're cracked up to be.
November 13, 2009
8 Things About Life I Learned From Brütal Legend
Brütal Legend is a game that rocks hard and hates jumping.
November 4, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: Dr. Doom Saves His Mother's Soul
Dr. Doom went to hell to get his mom's soul back, and all it cost him was her love and respect.
October 24, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Ghost
Some people get awesome powers. Some don't. Others, it's not so clear. Here's why intangibility and invisibility could be great. Or terrible.
October 17, 2009
Villains Opine on: Video Game Genres, Part 2
Hey did you like reading that thing we did on video game genres? 'Cause we wrote more and you should read that, too.
October 14, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "You Have Done Well, My Thunderbolts"
Baron Zemo played the pose-as-a-hero gambit for keeps.
October 10, 2009
The ISS Takes on (Bonus Edition!): Don't Copy That 2
If you pirate software, a rapper who lives in cyberspace will get all confused about how profitable piracy is and rap at you about it.
October 9, 2009
Re-packaged Pulp Fiction: Double Shot!
The joke is that rocketship look like penises.
October 5, 2009
Villainous Recommendations: Let's Be Friends Again, Vol. 1, "Under Pressure"
Let's Be Friends Again has a book! Buy it!
October 4, 2009
Watchmen in 4 Panels
"Watchmen" in...um...four panels.
October 3, 2009
Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Thanos
Not everyone has awesome powers. Or sometimes their powers are almost too awesome.
October 1, 2009
ISS Mailbag: Aquaman's Lament
This song about Aquaman so genuinely good, we can't even snark about it. I know!
September 30, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "Die, Arrogant Earth Scum!"
That one time when Serpentor screwed up he was awesome.
September 29, 2009
The ISS Takes on: The 1994 Marvel Swimsuit Issue
King Oblivion Ph.D. was on War Rocket Ajax this week, talking about superhero crotches.
September 26, 2009
Villains Opine on: Video Game Genres, Part 1
Six video game genres, rated in bullets. (Bullets are good, because we're villains. Get it?)
September 20, 2009
September 19, 2009
Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: The Mandarin
Rings. Why is it always rings?
September 16, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "Here lies Spider-Man, slain by The Hunter"
Kraven didn't fuck around this time.
September 15, 2009
The ISS Takes on: Motion Comics
Motion comics. They're the wave of the future! Get it? They're comics! That move!
September 13, 2009
Villainous Recommendations: Achewood Vols. 1 and 2
Give your money to Chris Onstad (if you have any left from when you give a bunch to us).
September 11, 2009
9 Things Marvel Will Likely Do Now That They Own the Rights To Marvelman
Publisher Dan Buckley says Marvel's in talks with Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman and Mark Buckingham about what to do with Marvelman now that the big M owns the rights to him. But that's not really saying much. They've got to have plans for him. And knowing Marvel, these are likely what they'll be.
September 5, 2009
Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Doctor Octopus
Some people get awesome powers. Some don't. Others, it's not so clear. Here's why 4 mechanical arms could be great, or it could be terrible.
September 4, 2009
8 Things About Life I Learned From Batman: Arkham Asylum
Playing Batman: Arkham Asylum was a learning experience.
September 2, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA KKKRRRAAAAAKKKKK"
You remember that time The Joker snapped his own neck and killed himself just to get Batman's goat? Man, that was great.
September 1, 2009
The ISS Takes on: The Disney/Marvel Internet Explosion
The crazed fanboys who floated all those theories that Disney was going to run Marvel into the ground might have been onto something, and we've got the memo to prove it.
August 28, 2009
Train Your Pokemon the ISS Way, Part 2
A week ago, we gave you some important tips to help you train your Pokemon. But don't think you're out of the woods yet, friend! There's more to learn. Oh, so much more.
August 22, 2009
Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Taskmaster
Not everyone's blessed with perfectly awesome superpowers. Like this guy, who just mimics everybody.
August 21, 2009
Train Your Pokemon the ISS Way, Part 1
You thought they had gone away, but you're wrong. There are two brand new Pokemon games coming out in just a few short months. Which means you'd better get your shit together.
August 18, 2009
The ISS Takes on: Stan Lee's 'Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2' Promotional Video
Here's a question: Why would you get a 1,000 year old man to advertise your new video game?
August 16, 2009
Villainous Recommendations: The Variants
There's a new web series about a comic shop. It's fun.
August 12, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: "SNAP!"
Norman Osborn's crowning achievement was making a superhero accidentally kill his girlfriend.
August 10, 2009
Re-packaged Pulp Fiction: Prudish Machines
Machines in pulp fiction books never want anybody to see titties.
August 8, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Ratcatcher
Not everyone's blessed with awesome superpowers. Like this guy, whose only friends are rats.
August 5, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: Sephiroth Kills Aeris
The long-haired weirdo villain from Final Fantasy VII had at least one extraordinarily badass moment.
August 2, 2009
A Quick Question About: The Lantern Spectrum
An important question about the Red and Blue lanterns.
July 31, 2009
The ISS Takes on: Rich Johnston's "Sexy Muse"
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
Female empowerment through tarting yourself up for the approval of nerds.
July 28, 2009
The ISS Takes on: Comic-Con
It's an open-and-shut one this week.
July 25, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Kang the Conqueror/Immortus
Time travel and manipulation. Sounds awesome, right? And it is, until you have to deal with...you.
July 22, 2009
Villainy's Greatest Moments: 'I Did It Thirty-Five Minutes Ago'
We kick off our new weekly feature with quite possibly the most badass supervillain moment of all time.
July 21, 2009
The ISS Takes On: Evony
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
In this week's installment, the ISS is utterly shocked by the presence of breasts on the internet.
July 20, 2009
4 Things Comics Get Wrong About Supervillains
I wrote a guest blog over at Newsarama today on four of the most common misconceptions comic publishers, the world's most biased proponents of superherodom, have about supervillains and our ways.
July 17, 2009
Re-Packaged Pulp Fiction: The Newest Immobile Sensation
Who says you have to be able to move to be a hero?
July 14, 2009
The ISS Takes on: Blackest Night
We haven't paid attention to Green Lantern comics since...ever, I guess. But even we haven't been able to avoid the promotional train for DC's ring-based summer uber-event.
July 11, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: King Snake
Not everyone's blessed with awesome superpowers. Like this dude, who has a reinforced spine. Yeah, you heard me.
July 3, 2009
Re-Packaged Pulp Fiction: Science Fashion
An old pulp fiction novel, re-imagined as a science fashion novel.
June 26, 2009
June 21, 2009
"Batman: The Long Halloween" in Four Panels
"Batman: The Long Halloween" in...um...four panels.
June 20, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Miss Arrow
Not everyone's blessed with awesome superpowers. Like this lady, who can turn into spiders and extend stingers from her wrists.
June 5, 2009
The 14 Most Abominable Superhero Creations of the 1990s, Part 2
As we all know, the 1990s were the worst thing to happen to comics. Here's the second half of our list of some of the most execrable examples of the superheroes that the decade shat out.
June 3, 2009
ISS Interview: Michael Kupperman
Nobody does humor comics like Michael Kupperman.
With that in mind, we invited him to our cavernous underground headquarters in an attempt to suck out his unique brain juices and study them. But he said he didn't want to, and we didn't have time to argue, so we just interviewed him instead.
May 30, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Goldface
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the case of a guy with gold skin, a gift and a curse.
May 29, 2009
The 14 Most Abominable Superhero Creations of the 1990s, Part 1
The 1990s, I think we can all agree, were the worst thing to happen to comics. And there were plenty of terrible things that came out of them. But some things were worse than others. Here, we present the first part of our list of those things.
May 22, 2009
ISS Interview: Curt Franklin and Chris Haley of 'Let's Be Friends Again'
We invited Curt Franklin and Chris Haley, the writer and artist, respectively, of the hilarious Let's Be Friends Again webcomic, came to our cavernous underground lair to answer a few questions about their comic.
We let them go with only a few minor lacerations.
May 20, 2009
8 Things About Life I Learned From 'Dead Space'
Standard warning: This list of life lessons contains SPOILERS. Consider yourself warned.
May 18, 2009
The ISS Recommends: Poodoo: Bullshitting About 'Star Wars'
Think about the last 10 years of your life. In that time, lots of interesting things have happened. Among those things: The complete and utter ruination of the Star Wars franchise.
May 16, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Joystick
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the case of a lady whose name was out of date before she was even around.
May 9, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Captain Boomerang
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a man whose only thing is a laughable Australian weapon..
May 2, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Swarm
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy whose body is made of bees.
April 25, 2009
Solomon Stone Meets Anne Frank in: Skateboard for Hitler!
NOTE: This Solomon Stone / Anne Frank fan fiction has already been published over at fanfic.net, but for our readers who don't frequent that site regularly, here it is in full.
Profiles In Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Tattooed Man
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a man who can make his tattoos come to life.
April 22, 2009
The ISS Interviews Chris Sims (part 2)
Here's the second part of Lady Unpleasantries' interview with Chris Sims of The ISB and Action Age Comics, an interview so epic we had to split it into sections. If you missed the first part, read it here. It's so face-kickingly awesome you'll need a come-down cigarette at the end. Part 2 of 2.
April 21, 2009
The ISS Interviews Chris Sims (part 1)
Sometimes here at the ISS, we hear about awesome things going on outside of our pizza-box covered, beer-soaked headquarters. When that happens, we send someone out to see what's going on. This time, Lady Unpleasantries sat down with Chris Sims of The ISB and Action Age Comics. Part 1 of 2.
The ISS Takes on: Spider-Whiners
Look, we hated the "One More Day" storyline in Amazing Spider-Man as much as anyone else. Here's some proof for you, even.
But, guys, it happened over a year ago. It's over. It's done. It's time to stop crying about it.
April 18, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Count Nefaria
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the case of a fellow had it good, but everything went all ionic on him. Oh, the iony.
April 16, 2009
ISS Mailbag: Wolverine Cufflinks
Here at the ISS, we occasionally get e-mails. Some of them compliment us for our continual destruction of all that is good and noble in the world. Some are from superheroic douchebags who don't get us. And some try to sell us some superhero-themed formal wear. This is one of those.
April 15, 2009
Villains Opine on: Aspects of Superhero Costumes
In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, we look at the various aspects of costumes those accursed superheroes wear.
April 14, 2009
The ISS Takes on: Lying in the Gutters
It would be great if we had our own gossip column on a comics "news" site so we could promote shit we did.
April 12, 2009
An Open Letter to the Administration of Arkham Asylum
Yes, well, I'm not very good at starting letters I'm afraid, I was never a good writer, despite my severe mental instability.. It's even harder writing this considering I'm not allowed to have sharp objects like pencils in my cell, so I have to write this letter with ketchup I stole from the cafeteria. Hopefully it will have dried by the time it reaches you, but I digress.
April 11, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Doctor Phosphorus
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy who burns all the time. All the time.
April 4, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: The Absorbing Man
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy who takes on the properties of whatever he touches. Whatever he touches.
March 30, 2009
My "Scott and Jean": Waid and Wieringo's Magic Dr. Doom
In the mid-2000s, writer Mark Waid and artist Mike Wieringo had quite possibly the best run on "Fantastic Four" since Lee and Kirby. Maybe even better.
They did lots of interesting things, but more than anything else, Waid and Wieringo got Dr. Doom right.
March 28, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Mirror Master
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy who ain't nothin' without his mirror.
March 25, 2009
8 Things About Life I Learned From Street Fighter IV
Note: If you haven't played the game, you will not get this even a little bit.
March 24, 2009
The ISS Takes On: Scans_Daily
An advocate for a site that posted other people's stuff online for free gets mad when someone takes her stuff and posts it elsewhere. To use an overused abbreviation, WTF (WTH)?
March 21, 2009
Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Hydro-Man
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun.
Here we present the sad case of a man who can turn into water.
March 17, 2009
Single-Sentence Synopses of Popular Video Games
Why play 15 to 20 hours of a video game when you could just have it described to you in a few words?
If that sounds appealing to you, congatulations! We just saved you like, 600 bucks.
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
Why play 15 to 20 hours of a video game when you could just have it described to you in a few words?If that sounds appealing to you, congatulations! We just saved you like, 600 bucks.
The ISS Takes On: Newsarama Headlines
Ah, Newsarama. You try so hard. And yet your headlines and story teasers just don't make any sense.
Here's just a few examples of how the comics "news" site has recently mangled the English language.
March 11, 2009
8 Things About Life I Learned from Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and Damned
Grand Theft Auto: The Lost and Damned is fun, but also educational.
Here's what I learned from it about dealing with life's problems.
March 7, 2009
Captain Parasite in...Curse of the Jungle Phantom!
The world's moochiest superhero tries to get a little help in the midst of the economic crisis.
Action ensues!
The world's moochiest superhero tries to get a little help in the midst of the economic crisis.Action ensues!
March 5, 2009
5 Pathetic Marvel Superheroes Not Even Worth Killing
We signed up for this villain thing because we wanted to pound these spandex-clad goody-goodies into the ground, but there's a point where it's just not fun anymore because they're so lame.
If we wanted angst-ridden self-loathing, we'd just start picking fights with 14 year old girls at Hot Topic.
We signed up for this villain thing because we wanted to pound these spandex-clad goody-goodies into the ground, but there's a point where it's just not fun anymore because they're so lame.If we wanted angst-ridden self-loathing, we'd just start picking fights with 14 year old girls at Hot Topic.
February 17, 2009
Single-Sentence Comics Synopses Episode IV: A New Hope
We read a lot of comics.
And with almost every one we read, we can't help but think, "This would be so much better in the form of one snarky statement."
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
We read a lot of comics.And with almost every one we read, we can't help but think, "This would be so much better in the form of one snarky statement."
February 12, 2009
10 Supervillains Who Need New Catchphrases
Last week, we listed 10 risible superheroes who have less-than-desirable catchphrases.
Of course, the noble brotherhood of supervillains isn't exempt from catchphrase hell, either. Here's 10 who are deep in that semantic pit.
Last week, we listed 10 risible superheroes who have less-than-desirable catchphrases.Of course, the noble brotherhood of supervillains isn't exempt from catchphrase hell, either. Here's 10 who are deep in that semantic pit.
February 5, 2009
10 Superheroes Who Need New Catchphrases
We accept the fact that superheroes (and supervillains) need catchphrases. They're a calling card, something that separates you from every other spandex-clad do-gooder out there trying to make a name for him or herself.
But some of the most popular heroes' favorite things to say just don't work, folks. Here's why.
We accept the fact that superheroes (and supervillains) need catchphrases. They're a calling card, something that separates you from every other spandex-clad do-gooder out there trying to make a name for him or herself.But some of the most popular heroes' favorite things to say just don't work, folks. Here's why.
January 10, 2009
Villains Opine On: Comic Book Onomatopoeias
In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, it's the words used for sound effects in comics. (Yes, we know, the onomatopoeias in "The Incredible Hercules" are better than any others out there. They're not addressed here. Let's just assume they win and move on.)
Note that our ratings are given in terms of bullets, which, for us, are about as good as things get.
In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, it's the words used for sound effects in comics. (Yes, we know, the onomatopoeias in "The Incredible Hercules" are better than any others out there. They're not addressed here. Let's just assume they win and move on.)Note that our ratings are given in terms of bullets, which, for us, are about as good as things get.
December 16, 2008
Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Purple Man
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun.
Here we present the first part of a series in which we look at some of the lesser powers supervillains have been blessed (or cursed?) with.
Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun.Here we present the first part of a series in which we look at some of the lesser powers supervillains have been blessed (or cursed?) with.
December 13, 2008
9 Characters That Should Have Been in 'Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe'
In a move that is surprisingly not a joke, Midway games recently released "Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe," a video game pitting the company’s arcade game fighters up against Warner Bros.’s most iconic superheroes.
Of course, if either party had any sense, they would have picked some of DC’s darker and more obscure characters, keeping with the tone of previous MK games. Vertigo, people. Here’s what the roster and fatalities would have looked like if Midway had any, well, guts.
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
In a move that is surprisingly not a joke, Midway games recently released "Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe," a video game pitting the company’s arcade game fighters up against Warner Bros.’s most iconic superheroes.Of course, if either party had any sense, they would have picked some of DC’s darker and more obscure characters, keeping with the tone of previous MK games. Vertigo, people. Here’s what the roster and fatalities would have looked like if Midway had any, well, guts.
December 2, 2008
Ask Abobo
There's more to the mutated human who fought Billy and Jimmy Lee at the end of the first stage of "Double Dragon" than you think.
This newspaper advice column ought to prove that.
There's more to the mutated human who fought Billy and Jimmy Lee at the end of the first stage of "Double Dragon" than you think.This newspaper advice column ought to prove that.
November 20, 2008
Classic Nintendo Game Endings Done Evil
The NES era of video games was a simpler time.
They were a time when a title card telling you that you did a good job and a "press start" message were enough to give you a real sense of accomplishment (or, in my case, cause to throw the controller across the room because I just wasted six hours of my life just to see this). Either way, video game endings now are different. Ambiguous. And often evil.
Given that we're supervillains, we can't help but approve of that new trend. And so, here we try to modernize a few classics for this new, more evil age in gaming.
by Herringbone
The NES era of video games was a simpler time.They were a time when a title card telling you that you did a good job and a "press start" message were enough to give you a real sense of accomplishment (or, in my case, cause to throw the controller across the room because I just wasted six hours of my life just to see this). Either way, video game endings now are different. Ambiguous. And often evil.
Given that we're supervillains, we can't help but approve of that new trend. And so, here we try to modernize a few classics for this new, more evil age in gaming.
November 18, 2008
Single-Sentence Comics Synopses 3: The Synopsenating
As of now, we have officially summarized just about every comic we have read.
And quite a few that we haven't.
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
As of now, we have officially summarized just about every comic we have read.And quite a few that we haven't.
November 11, 2008
5 Cartoons That Made Us Supervillains
The world we're living in has relentlessly failed to yield any of the things we feel we were promised, like hover cars, hover skate boards, and other things that hover. So we have to wonder what fooled us into having these false hopes.
We need to lay the blame squarely where it belongs: children's programming. And really, it was our horrible childhoods that led us to this position.
The world we're living in has relentlessly failed to yield any of the things we feel we were promised, like hover cars, hover skate boards, and other things that hover. So we have to wonder what fooled us into having these false hopes.We need to lay the blame squarely where it belongs: children's programming. And really, it was our horrible childhoods that led us to this position.
November 6, 2008
5 Common Locations For Secret Lairs (And Why They're a Bad Idea)
Supervillains need space; whether it's a sanctuary to lick our wounds, a refuge from the law, or just a place to watch "Heroes" in peace (it's called knowing your enemy).
However, the traditional choices are often notoriously crappy, as anyone who's been living somewhere other than under a rock (another bad location, by the way), can see.
Supervillains need space; whether it's a sanctuary to lick our wounds, a refuge from the law, or just a place to watch "Heroes" in peace (it's called knowing your enemy).However, the traditional choices are often notoriously crappy, as anyone who's been living somewhere other than under a rock (another bad location, by the way), can see.
October 23, 2008
Single-Sentence Synopses of Popular Comics: The Revenge
Just so you know, we totally did not post this just because the first of these pieces got linked on a popular comics website.
Nah, we're just kidding. That's exactly why we did it.
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
Just so you know, we totally did not post this just because the first of these pieces got linked on a popular comics website.Nah, we're just kidding. That's exactly why we did it.
October 21, 2008
Comics' 7 Worst Attempts at 'Scary' Supervillains
Last week, we listed 7 supervillains who could genuinely scare somebody's socks off.
But, of course, for every seriously frightening supervillain, there's one or more that probably wouldn't make a fetus (not even an infant, a fetus) even mildly uncomfortable. Here's 7 that are pretty much as un-scary as you can get.
Last week, we listed 7 supervillains who could genuinely scare somebody's socks off.But, of course, for every seriously frightening supervillain, there's one or more that probably wouldn't make a fetus (not even an infant, a fetus) even mildly uncomfortable. Here's 7 that are pretty much as un-scary as you can get.
October 18, 2008
7 Scary Comics Supervillains
Supervillains have a long history of being menacing, threatening, malevolent, weird and dominating. But what about scary? Like, in a Halloweeny sense. Few fit that bill.
But here are seven supervillains who might put a little chill in your bones, along with some honorable mentions.
Supervillains have a long history of being menacing, threatening, malevolent, weird and dominating. But what about scary? Like, in a Halloweeny sense. Few fit that bill.But here are seven supervillains who might put a little chill in your bones, along with some honorable mentions.
October 4, 2008
Villains Opine On: The Powers the Planeteers Combined to Create Captain Planet, Plus One They Should Have Had
In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, it we discuss "Captain Planet," one of the best-worst shows of the '90s.
Note that our ratings are given in terms of bullets, which, for us, are about as good as things get.
In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, it we discuss "Captain Planet," one of the best-worst shows of the '90s.Note that our ratings are given in terms of bullets, which, for us, are about as good as things get.
September 27, 2008
9 Grossly Underrated Supervillains
The ISS villain ratings division has done several recent studies concerning the lameness of some supervillains and the badassery of some who have no superpowers whatsoever.
Now, we look at those villains who are often dismissed as b-listers or second stringers who really ought to get another chance at being in the upper tier of modern supervillainy. These villains may not be the ones who are headlining the summer blockbusters, but to us, they're among the best we have.
The ISS villain ratings division has done several recent studies concerning the lameness of some supervillains and the badassery of some who have no superpowers whatsoever.
Now, we look at those villains who are often dismissed as b-listers or second stringers who really ought to get another chance at being in the upper tier of modern supervillainy. These villains may not be the ones who are headlining the summer blockbusters, but to us, they're among the best we have.
September 13, 2008
Video Game Characters Who Would Be Much Less Interesting If Real
We love video games here at the ISS, but we have some concern about the trend over past few years to make games more realistic.
Frankly, the more like real life you make games, the worse they are. And to prove it, here's an inventory of beloved characters who would be totally boring and stupid if they stepped out of the screen and took up residence in the real world.
We love video games here at the ISS, but we have some concern about the trend over past few years to make games more realistic.Frankly, the more like real life you make games, the worse they are. And to prove it, here's an inventory of beloved characters who would be totally boring and stupid if they stepped out of the screen and took up residence in the real world.
September 11, 2008
Single-Sentence Synopses of Popular Comics
Here, we provide quick summaries of some of the best comics ever written.
Incidentally, we spoil some completely. You're welcome!
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
Here, we provide quick summaries of some of the best comics ever written.Incidentally, we spoil some completely. You're welcome!
August 28, 2008
9 Things I Learned About Life From Braid
Developer Jonathan Blow's new 2D Xbox Live platformer "Braid" is this year's gaming critical darling.
Discussion boards have become dedicated to determining the game's layered, up-for-interpretation meaning. But I, with my supreme evil intelligence, have figured it out. And so here I present to you the nine most important things you can learn from "Braid."
Developer Jonathan Blow's new 2D Xbox Live platformer "Braid" is this year's gaming critical darling.
Discussion boards have become dedicated to determining the game's layered, up-for-interpretation meaning. But I, with my supreme evil intelligence, have figured it out. And so here I present to you the nine most important things you can learn from "Braid."
August 26, 2008
More Real Estate Tips From the Joker
A real estate blog recently posted this article on why real estate agents should model themselves after the Batman villain the Joker. Apparently, someone didn’t think that real estate agents were evil enough as it is (we actually have several on staff).
So, as a public disservice, we compiled a list of more lessons that real estate agents could learn from a homicidal clown.
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
A real estate blog recently posted this article on why real estate agents should model themselves after the Batman villain the Joker. Apparently, someone didn’t think that real estate agents were evil enough as it is (we actually have several on staff).So, as a public disservice, we compiled a list of more lessons that real estate agents could learn from a homicidal clown.
August 7, 2008
8 Superheroines Who Are Real Bitches
We've already brought you two lists of superhero douchebags, but we don't want to give the impression that we're not equal-opportunity haters, or that superheroines don't also suck.
So here, we lovingly give you the bitchiest ladies in spandex this side of Suzanne Somers.
We've already brought you two lists of superhero douchebags, but we don't want to give the impression that we're not equal-opportunity haters, or that superheroines don't also suck.So here, we lovingly give you the bitchiest ladies in spandex this side of Suzanne Somers.
July 31, 2008
Xbox 360 Achievements in the Upcoming "Watchmen" Game
One of the biggest pieces of news that came out of last week's Comic-Con was that Warner Bros., which has nothing but love for all its intellectual properties, is going to be releasing a "Watchmen" video game in advance of the movie next year.
That got us wondering what kind of Xbox 360 achievements might be included, especially if a game gets released that follows the story of the comic. Here's some guesses.
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
One of the biggest pieces of news that came out of last week's Comic-Con was that Warner Bros., which has nothing but love for all its intellectual properties, is going to be releasing a "Watchmen" video game in advance of the movie next year.That got us wondering what kind of Xbox 360 achievements might be included, especially if a game gets released that follows the story of the comic. Here's some guesses.
July 26, 2008
Make Your Own Comic-Con
Because they're uncool, what with their full-time jobs and limited disposable income, some people couldn't make it to this year's Comic-Con International in San Diego, which is going on right this second.
But not to worry. The International Society of Supervillains (who also couldn't make it because of prior commitments involving uranium and some ants) is here to tell you how you can have a Comic-Con in your very own home.
Because they're uncool, what with their full-time jobs and limited disposable income, some people couldn't make it to this year's Comic-Con International in San Diego, which is going on right this second.But not to worry. The International Society of Supervillains (who also couldn't make it because of prior commitments involving uranium and some ants) is here to tell you how you can have a Comic-Con in your very own home.
July 22, 2008
The 5 Greatest Comics Ever (Un)Written
So there are these comics that are out there, right? The funny thing is, none of them ever happened. Even in fictional comic-book land, the events of these comics never took place. Oh, the comics were printed. And you better believe you paid a real $1.99 to $2.99 to get them.
But guess what? Those stories have been retconned out of existence. Sorry!
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
So there are these comics that are out there, right? The funny thing is, none of them ever happened. Even in fictional comic-book land, the events of these comics never took place. Oh, the comics were printed. And you better believe you paid a real $1.99 to $2.99 to get them.But guess what? Those stories have been retconned out of existence. Sorry!
July 17, 2008
8 Iron Man Villains We Probably Won't See in 'Iron Man 2'
Seeing as how "Iron Man" just made all the money in the world, a sequel is pretty much inevitable. However, when they do make "Iron Man 2," they’re probably going to want to avoid using some of Iron Man’s villains.
Here are some classic Iron Man adversaries, along with in-depth analysis of why they suck.
by Doktor Maxwell von Puppykicker the Third
Seeing as how "Iron Man" just made all the money in the world, a sequel is pretty much inevitable. However, when they do make "Iron Man 2," they’re probably going to want to avoid using some of Iron Man’s villains.Here are some classic Iron Man adversaries, along with in-depth analysis of why they suck.
April 20, 2008
Possible Ways "Battlestar Galactica" Could End
The last season of "Battlestar Galactica" has begun, and nerds everywhere who actually watch the show for the plot and not the hot chicks beating each other up are speculating wildly about what might happen in the end. Will the crew find Earth? What's all that religious mumbo-jumbo? Who's the last Cylon? We have a few guesses as to how things might turn out.
The last season of "Battlestar Galactica" has begun, and nerds everywhere who actually watch the show for the plot and not the hot chicks beating each other up are speculating wildly about what might happen in the end. Will the crew find Earth? What's all that religious mumbo-jumbo? Who's the last Cylon? We have a few guesses as to how things might turn out.
April 7, 2008
From the Metro City Tourism Board Official Brochure, Circa 1991
Why not go to Metro City for your next vacation?
It's like Detroit, but more...urban.
Why not go to Metro City for your next vacation?It's like Detroit, but more...urban.
March 4, 2008
9 Badass Supervillains With No Superpowers
Here at the ISS, our superpowers involve amazing rhetorical abilities, stunning good looks and the ability to please a woman with a glance. But not all supervillains are so lucky to be endowed with such powers. Still, some do pretty well for themselves.
These guys, for instance.
Here at the ISS, our superpowers involve amazing rhetorical abilities, stunning good looks and the ability to please a woman with a glance. But not all supervillains are so lucky to be endowed with such powers. Still, some do pretty well for themselves.These guys, for instance.
January 9, 2008
The ISS Presents: Hygiene Filmstrip Comics
After months of digging, the International Society of Supervillains is happy to present to you, our faithful and smelly readers, these never-before-seen hygiene filmstrips from decades past.
We only hope that they can help you seem at least slightly more presentable and human as your pathetic lives continue.
After months of digging, the International Society of Supervillains is happy to present to you, our faithful and smelly readers, these never-before-seen hygiene filmstrips from decades past.We only hope that they can help you seem at least slightly more presentable and human as your pathetic lives continue.
December 14, 2007
2007: The Year In Games
2007 was a big year for games. So big that something happened every month of the year, if you can believe it.
So here's a month-by-month breakdown of what was big in the world of video gaming this year.
2007 was a big year for games. So big that something happened every month of the year, if you can believe it.So here's a month-by-month breakdown of what was big in the world of video gaming this year.
November 19, 2007
8 More Superheroes Who Are Also Douchebags
Just because we listed eight superheroes who are douchebags last month doesn't mean those are the only superheroes of the douchey persuasion.
So here's eight more.
Just because we listed eight superheroes who are douchebags last month doesn't mean those are the only superheroes of the douchey persuasion.So here's eight more.
November 5, 2007
Real-World Scenarios in Which 'Guitar Hero' Skills Could Be Useful
Who says being good at games like 'Guitar Hero' and 'Rock Band' don't actually mean anything? Sure, you can't write a sonata or actually play any Cheap Trick songs, but there are other worthwhile things you can do with the skills you get from those games.
Important things.
Who says being good at games like 'Guitar Hero' and 'Rock Band' don't actually mean anything? Sure, you can't write a sonata or actually play any Cheap Trick songs, but there are other worthwhile things you can do with the skills you get from those games.Important things.
October 29, 2007
7 Comics Monsters That Aren't So Scary
Let's face it, folks, the overwhelming majority of the monsters we supervillains tend to come up with aren't on par with your 'Night of the Living Dead' zombies, your John Carpenter's The Things, or, to a lesser degree, your 'Phantasm' death balls.
Just to prove it, here's a list of comic-book monsters which...well...they were a good try, anyway.
Let's face it, folks, the overwhelming majority of the monsters we supervillains tend to come up with aren't on par with your 'Night of the Living Dead' zombies, your John Carpenter's The Things, or, to a lesser degree, your 'Phantasm' death balls.
Just to prove it, here's a list of comic-book monsters which...well...they were a good try, anyway.
October 25, 2007
7 Comics Monsters That Are Genuinely Kind of Scary
When you're in the monster-making business like we are, you just have to come to terms with the fact that it's sometimes hit-or-miss. For every Godzilla, you'll probably end up with a dozen Mechagodzillas or Ebirahs (who, for those not in the know, was a giant shrimp).
That's why we've taken it upon ourselves to recognize some of the more legitimately frightening monsters who have come across the comics pages, even some that may, in some circles, be considered "heroes."
When you're in the monster-making business like we are, you just have to come to terms with the fact that it's sometimes hit-or-miss. For every Godzilla, you'll probably end up with a dozen Mechagodzillas or Ebirahs (who, for those not in the know, was a giant shrimp).
That's why we've taken it upon ourselves to recognize some of the more legitimately frightening monsters who have come across the comics pages, even some that may, in some circles, be considered "heroes."
October 9, 2007
8 Superheroes Who Are Actually Douchebags
Don't believe the hype.
Yes, yes, we know. You've been told your whole lives that superheroes are infallible demigods who can do no wrong. But we know better. In fact, we can provide to you incontrovertible that many (at least eight) superheroes are, in fact, total douchebags.
(Also, you may have heard in some circles that all supervillains are dicks or assholes or some similar epithet. Actually, we tend to be excellent conversationalists and superb lovers when you get to know us.)
Don't believe the hype.
Yes, yes, we know. You've been told your whole lives that superheroes are infallible demigods who can do no wrong. But we know better. In fact, we can provide to you incontrovertible that many (at least eight) superheroes are, in fact, total douchebags.
(Also, you may have heard in some circles that all supervillains are dicks or assholes or some similar epithet. Actually, we tend to be excellent conversationalists and superb lovers when you get to know us.)
October 6, 2007
Luigi's Lament
The younger brother struggles with unrequited love, and the heartache that comes with it. The elder offers up advice that, while good in almost any other circumstance, does not get at the heart of the matter.
A tale of love, loss and jumping.
The younger brother struggles with unrequited love, and the heartache that comes with it. The elder offers up advice that, while good in almost any other circumstance, does not get at the heart of the matter.A tale of love, loss and jumping.
October 1, 2007
Captain Parasite in...Land of the Death Watchers!
The moochiest superhero on earth, the spectacular Captain Parasite, returns for this epic adventure full of dashing, daring and Cinnabons. Onward to adventure! And maybe some discarded Oreos with the cream filling gone!
The moochiest superhero on earth, the spectacular Captain Parasite, returns for this epic adventure full of dashing, daring and Cinnabons. Onward to adventure! And maybe some discarded Oreos with the cream filling gone!
September 21, 2007
8 Things I Learned About Life From "Bioshock"
Critics and weirdos who hang out on video game message boards have deemed "Bioshock" one of the best games of the year, not only for its excellent gameplay and art design, but also for its compelling and engrossing story. It's so good, in fact, that there's plenty that even I, the evil dictator of a fictional nation and also a scholar who wrote a dissertation on making children cry, can learn from it. Let me impart some knowledge to you.
Critics and weirdos who hang out on video game message boards have deemed "Bioshock" one of the best games of the year, not only for its excellent gameplay and art design, but also for its compelling and engrossing story. It's so good, in fact, that there's plenty that even I, the evil dictator of a fictional nation and also a scholar who wrote a dissertation on making children cry, can learn from it. Let me impart some knowledge to you.
September 12, 2007
This Semester's New Enrollees at Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters
Not every class at Professor Charles Xavier's famed School for Gifted Youngsters can include standouts like a Wolverine or a Colossus or a Marrow, but Professor X gives them all his love, all the same, and Storm is still flirty with pretty much all of them. Here's the list of the young mutants who enrolled this year in the school. Whether any of them will have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with Mr. Sinister is still to be seen.
Not every class at Professor Charles Xavier's famed School for Gifted Youngsters can include standouts like a Wolverine or a Colossus or a Marrow, but Professor X gives them all his love, all the same, and Storm is still flirty with pretty much all of them. Here's the list of the young mutants who enrolled this year in the school. Whether any of them will have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with Mr. Sinister is still to be seen.
August 24, 2007
periods, teh web and u: A Guide to Grammar in the Internet Age
These days, it's hard to know what the English language even really is anymore, what with Grandpa and his kin yelling at you to "capitalize" the first words of your "sentences" and that "spelling" is "important." Why don't you shut up Grandpa, you old guy you!? You're just some old Grandpa! You don't know how we live! You can't know! My motorcycle is my life, man!
These days, it's hard to know what the English language even really is anymore, what with Grandpa and his kin yelling at you to "capitalize" the first words of your "sentences" and that "spelling" is "important." Why don't you shut up Grandpa, you old guy you!? You're just some old Grandpa! You don't know how we live! You can't know! My motorcycle is my life, man!
August 17, 2007
Captain Parasite in...Hall of Destruction!
Rodney Carlson was an average, unassuming microbiologist studying whipworm when, as a result of a co-worker's careless mistake, the specimen Rodney was studying inexplicably turned radioactive and jumped into his eye in a really gross chain of events that you kind of had to be there to see, but trust me, it was totally gross. Anyway, it made him into a hero who uses a parasite-like ability to feed and survive on a host. With these powers, he contributes nothing to the host's survival and hopes to one day fight crime as the STUPENDOUS CAPTAIN PARASITE!
Rodney Carlson was an average, unassuming microbiologist studying whipworm when, as a result of a co-worker's careless mistake, the specimen Rodney was studying inexplicably turned radioactive and jumped into his eye in a really gross chain of events that you kind of had to be there to see, but trust me, it was totally gross. Anyway, it made him into a hero who uses a parasite-like ability to feed and survive on a host. With these powers, he contributes nothing to the host's survival and hopes to one day fight crime as the STUPENDOUS CAPTAIN PARASITE!
August 8, 2007
Ellis Hamilton MacArthur, Ring Name "Little Mac," Addresses the Board of Commissioners of the World Video Boxing Association
WVBA boxer Little Mac stands up to the Commission, feeling they have wrongly stripped his championship belt. He may have a point.
WVBA boxer Little Mac stands up to the Commission, feeling they have wrongly stripped his championship belt. He may have a point.I mean, they do let a guy teleport.
July 25, 2007
The 11 Lamest Supervillains in History, Ever
We here at the International Society of Supervillains recognize that not all purveyors of treachery are...shall we say, properly suited for the task. Here we present to you 11 so-called "super" villains as portrayed in the hero-centric pages of the comical book medium, all of whom make a mockery of our historied profession.
We here at the International Society of Supervillains recognize that not all purveyors of treachery are...shall we say, properly suited for the task. Here we present to you 11 so-called "super" villains as portrayed in the hero-centric pages of the comical book medium, all of whom make a mockery of our historied profession.
