International Society of Supervillains

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "...And Birthplace of My New World!"

Being able to contort would be great, but I'd prefer to keep my bones in.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: The Turtle/Turtle Man

Ultron: Robot of Action.

The Women We Know: A Guide to Supervillain Girlfriends, Part 2

The Turtle and Turtleman used their slowness to their advantage, but it'd have some big setbacks, too.

The ISS Takes on: Internet Comics Journalism and the Amazon Price Glitch

If you're observant, then you may have noticed that everything can go wrong with every woman on the list. If you're paranoid (and you are), then realize that none of your romantic endeavors will ever work out and that you'll die alone clutching a rotting bag of potatoes adorned with a mop head you used in lieu of the woman you're pining over as you draw your last breath. Now go out there and capture the woman of your dreams in your net of love.

The Women We Know: A Guide to Supervillain Girlfriends, Part 1

A "journalist" we don't wanna name sure does love bragging about how much money he makes off his "news."

The ISS Takes on: Making Disney Executives into Marvel Characters

March is here for us supervillains. But what exactly does that mean? Well, if you're the villain who celebrates love in some sort of way, then you have to get busy since March is the official month of love (as soon as our calendar takes effect - get on board early). You may already have your romantic target in your sights, or she might already be in your bedroom. No matter the case, she probably expects you to get/do something in celebration of your evil love.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Death Adder

Maybe this Marvel/Disney deal wasn't such a good idea after all.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "You Been a Pal"

Having a spiked tail and poison talons isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Cheap-Ass Game Review: YuGiOh: Dungeon Dice Monsters

This moment is a spoiler. Read at your own risk!

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "But We're Supposed To Sit By While This Administration Commits Crimes"

YuGiOh: Dungeon Dice Monsters is a game based off of a very minor subplot in an anime created by a Japanese guy who thought board games translated into quality entertainment. We're not so sure about "quality," or "entertainment" for that matter, but, dammit, that guy made more money than if the Parker Brothers mugged Milton Bradley. But, for those uneducated types, if you must know about the origin of this dice game, go to www.yugiohtheabridgedseries.com and look for the episode about playing dice. No, we won't tell you which episode. We're not your keepers. Do some research.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Clayface

John Horus had a point to prove, and he had to kill the president and vice president to prove it.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "This Is Going To Hurt You a Lot More Than It Does Me"

Presenting: The Clayface/Beyonce Corollary.

Re-Packaged Pulp Fiction: The Honest Approach

The Joker: Man of the people.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Multiple Santa

If message boards wrote pulp fiction novels.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: Bullseye Out-Daredevils Daredevil

Not everybody gets awesome powers. Some people have to live with powers like the ability to make clones of themselves whose weaknesses are noogies.

8 Things About Life I Learned From Grant Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony

Bullseye made a pretty good Daredevil. You know, except for the killing.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Brainwave

Playing Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony was a learning experience.

8 Things About Life I Learned From Brütal Legend

Telepathy and telekinesis ain't all they're cracked up to be.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: Dr. Doom Saves His Mother's Soul

Brütal Legend is a game that rocks hard and hates jumping.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Ghost

Dr. Doom went to hell to get his mom's soul back, and all it cost him was her love and respect.

Villains Opine on: Video Game Genres, Part 2

Some people get awesome powers. Some don't. Others, it's not so clear. Here's why intangibility and invisibility could be great. Or terrible.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "You Have Done Well, My Thunderbolts"

Hey did you like reading that thing we did on video game genres? 'Cause we wrote more and you should read that, too.

The ISS Takes on (Bonus Edition!): Don't Copy That 2

Baron Zemo played the pose-as-a-hero gambit for keeps.

Re-packaged Pulp Fiction: Double Shot!

If you pirate software, a rapper who lives in cyberspace will get all confused about how profitable piracy is and rap at you about it.

Villainous Recommendations: Let's Be Friends Again, Vol. 1, "Under Pressure"

The joke is that rocketship look like penises.

Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Thanos

Let's Be Friends Again has a book! Buy it!

Watchmen in 4 Panels

by Gortax, Not of This World

"Watchmen" in...um...four panels.

ISS Mailbag: Aquaman's Lament

Not everyone has awesome powers. Or sometimes their powers are almost too awesome.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "Die, Arrogant Earth Scum!"

This song about Aquaman so genuinely good, we can't even snark about it. I know!

The ISS Takes on: The 1994 Marvel Swimsuit Issue

That one time when Serpentor screwed up he was awesome.

Villains Opine on: Video Game Genres, Part 1

King Oblivion Ph.D. was on War Rocket Ajax this week, talking about superhero crotches.

Re-packaged Pulp Fiction: It's What It Looks Like

Six video game genres, rated in bullets. (Bullets are good, because we're villains. Get it?)

Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: The Mandarin

Yep.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "Here lies Spider-Man, slain by The Hunter"

Rings. Why is it always rings?

The ISS Takes on: Motion Comics

Kraven didn't fuck around this time.

Villainous Recommendations: Achewood Vols. 1 and 2

Motion comics. They're the wave of the future! Get it? They're comics! That move!

9 Things Marvel Will Likely Do Now That They Own the Rights To Marvelman

Give your money to Chris Onstad (if you have any left from when you give a bunch to us).

Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Doctor Octopus

Publisher Dan Buckley says Marvel's in talks with Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman and Mark Buckingham about what to do with Marvelman now that the big M owns the rights to him. But that's not really saying much. They've got to have plans for him. And knowing Marvel, these are likely what they'll be.

8 Things About Life I Learned From Batman: Arkham Asylum

Some people get awesome powers. Some don't. Others, it's not so clear. Here's why 4 mechanical arms could be great, or it could be terrible.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA KKKRRRAAAAAKKKKK"

Playing Batman: Arkham Asylum was a learning experience.

The ISS Takes on: The Disney/Marvel Internet Explosion

You remember that time The Joker snapped his own neck and killed himself just to get Batman's goat? Man, that was great.

Train Your Pokemon the ISS Way, Part 2

The crazed fanboys who floated all those theories that Disney was going to run Marvel into the ground might have been onto something, and we've got the memo to prove it.

Super-sized Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Taskmaster

A week ago, we gave you some important tips to help you train your Pokemon. But don't think you're out of the woods yet, friend! There's more to learn. Oh, so much more.

Train Your Pokemon the ISS Way, Part 1

Not everyone's blessed with perfectly awesome superpowers. Like this guy, who just mimics everybody.

The ISS Takes on: Stan Lee's 'Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2' Promotional Video

You thought they had gone away, but you're wrong. There are two brand new Pokemon games coming out in just a few short months. Which means you'd better get your shit together.

Villainous Recommendations: The Variants

Here's a question: Why would you get a 1,000 year old man to advertise your new video game?

Villainy's Greatest Moments: "SNAP!"

There's a new web series about a comic shop. It's fun.

Re-packaged Pulp Fiction: Prudish Machines

Norman Osborn's crowning achievement was making a superhero accidentally kill his girlfriend.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Ratcatcher

Machines in pulp fiction books never want anybody to see titties.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: Sephiroth Kills Aeris

Not everyone's blessed with awesome superpowers. Like this guy, whose only friends are rats.

A Quick Question About: The Lantern Spectrum

The long-haired weirdo villain from Final Fantasy VII had at least one extraordinarily badass moment.

The ISS Takes on: Rich Johnston's "Sexy Muse"

An important question about the Red and Blue lanterns.

The ISS Takes on: Comic-Con

Female empowerment through tarting yourself up for the approval of nerds.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Kang the Conqueror/Immortus

It's an open-and-shut one this week.

Villainy's Greatest Moments: 'I Did It Thirty-Five Minutes Ago'

Time travel and manipulation. Sounds awesome, right? And it is, until you have to deal with...you.

We kick off our new weekly feature with quite possibly the most badass supervillain moment of all time.

The ISS Takes On: Evony

4 Things Comics Get Wrong About Supervillains

In this week's installment, the ISS is utterly shocked by the presence of breasts on the internet.

Re-Packaged Pulp Fiction: The Newest Immobile Sensation

I wrote a guest blog over at Newsarama today on four of the most common misconceptions comic publishers, the world's most biased proponents of superherodom, have about supervillains and our ways.

The ISS Takes on: Blackest Night

Who says you have to be able to move to be a hero?

Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: King Snake

We haven't paid attention to Green Lantern comics since...ever, I guess. But even we haven't been able to avoid the promotional train for DC's ring-based summer uber-event.

Re-Packaged Pulp Fiction: Science Fashion

Not everyone's blessed with awesome superpowers. Like this dude, who has a reinforced spine. Yeah, you heard me.

An old pulp fiction novel, re-imagined as a science fashion novel.

Dear Marvel,

"Batman: The Long Halloween" in Four Panels

Proofreading, folks.

by Gortax, Not of This World

"Batman: The Long Halloween" in...um...four panels.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Miss Arrow

The 14 Most Abominable Superhero Creations of the 1990s, Part 2

Not everyone's blessed with awesome superpowers. Like this lady, who can turn into spiders and extend stingers from her wrists.

ISS Interview: Michael Kupperman

As we all know, the 1990s were the worst thing to happen to comics. Here's the second half of our list of some of the most execrable examples of the superheroes that the decade shat out.

Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Goldface

Nobody does humor comics like Michael Kupperman. With that in mind, we invited him to our cavernous underground headquarters in an attempt to suck out his unique brain juices and study them. But he said he didn't want to, and we didn't have time to argue, so we just interviewed him instead.

The 14 Most Abominable Superhero Creations of the 1990s, Part 1

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the case of a guy with gold skin, a gift and a curse.

ISS Interview: Curt Franklin and Chris Haley of 'Let's Be Friends Again'

The 1990s, I think we can all agree, were the worst thing to happen to comics. And there were plenty of terrible things that came out of them. But some things were worse than others. Here, we present the first part of our list of those things.

8 Things About Life I Learned From 'Dead Space'

We invited Curt Franklin and Chris Haley, the writer and artist, respectively, of the hilarious Let's Be Friends Again webcomic, came to our cavernous underground lair to answer a few questions about their comic. We let them go with only a few minor lacerations.

The ISS Recommends: Poodoo: Bullshitting About 'Star Wars'

Standard warning: This list of life lessons contains SPOILERS. Consider yourself warned.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Joystick

Think about the last 10 years of your life. In that time, lots of interesting things have happened. Among those things: The complete and utter ruination of the Star Wars franchise.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Captain Boomerang

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the case of a lady whose name was out of date before she was even around.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Swarm

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a man whose only thing is a laughable Australian weapon..

Solomon Stone Meets Anne Frank in: Skateboard for Hitler!

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy whose body is made of bees.

Profiles In Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Tattooed Man

NOTE: This Solomon Stone / Anne Frank fan fiction has already been published over at fanfic.net, but for our readers who don't frequent that site regularly, here it is in full.

The ISS Interviews Chris Sims (part 2)

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a man who can make his tattoos come to life.

by Lady Unpleasantries

Here's the second part of Lady Unpleasantries' interview with Chris Sims of The ISB and Action Age Comics, an interview so epic we had to split it into sections. If you missed the first part, read it here. It's so face-kickingly awesome you'll need a come-down cigarette at the end. Part 2 of 2.

The ISS Interviews Chris Sims (part 1)

by Lady Unpleasantries

Sometimes here at the ISS, we hear about awesome things going on outside of our pizza-box covered, beer-soaked headquarters. When that happens, we send someone out to see what's going on. This time, Lady Unpleasantries sat down with Chris Sims of The ISB and Action Age Comics. Part 1 of 2.

The ISS Takes on: Spider-Whiners

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Count Nefaria

Look, we hated the "One More Day" storyline in Amazing Spider-Man as much as anyone else. Here's some proof for you, even. But, guys, it happened over a year ago. It's over. It's done. It's time to stop crying about it.

ISS Mailbag: Wolverine Cufflinks

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the case of a fellow had it good, but everything went all ionic on him. Oh, the iony.

Villains Opine on: Aspects of Superhero Costumes

Here at the ISS, we occasionally get e-mails. Some of them compliment us for our continual destruction of all that is good and noble in the world. Some are from superheroic douchebags who don't get us. And some try to sell us some superhero-themed formal wear. This is one of those.

The ISS Takes on: Lying in the Gutters

In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, we look at the various aspects of costumes those accursed superheroes wear.

An Open Letter to the Administration of Arkham Asylum

It would be great if we had our own gossip column on a comics "news" site so we could promote shit we did.

by Gortax, Not of This World

Yes, well, I'm not very good at starting letters I'm afraid, I was never a good writer, despite my severe mental instability.. It's even harder writing this considering I'm not allowed to have sharp objects like pencils in my cell, so I have to write this letter with ketchup I stole from the cafeteria. Hopefully it will have dried by the time it reaches you, but I digress.

Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Doctor Phosphorus

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: The Absorbing Man

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy who burns all the time. All the time.

My "Scott and Jean": Waid and Wieringo's Magic Dr. Doom

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy who takes on the properties of whatever he touches. Whatever he touches.

Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Mirror Master

In the mid-2000s, writer Mark Waid and artist Mike Wieringo had quite possibly the best run on "Fantastic Four" since Lee and Kirby. Maybe even better. They did lots of interesting things, but more than anything else, Waid and Wieringo got Dr. Doom right.

8 Things About Life I Learned From Street Fighter IV

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a guy who ain't nothin' without his mirror.

The ISS Takes On: Scans_Daily

Note: If you haven't played the game, you will not get this even a little bit.

Profiles in Superpowers that Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Hydro-Man

An advocate for a site that posted other people's stuff online for free gets mad when someone takes her stuff and posts it elsewhere. To use an overused abbreviation, WTF (WTH)?

Single-Sentence Synopses of Popular Video Games

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun. Here we present the sad case of a man who can turn into water.

The ISS Takes On: Newsarama Headlines

Why play 15 to 20 hours of a video game when you could just have it described to you in a few words?

If that sounds appealing to you, congatulations! We just saved you like, 600 bucks.

8 Things About Life I Learned from Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and Damned

Ah, Newsarama. You try so hard. And yet your headlines and story teasers just don't make any sense. Here's just a few examples of how the comics "news" site has recently mangled the English language.

Captain Parasite in...Curse of the Jungle Phantom!

Grand Theft Auto: The Lost and Damned is fun, but also educational. Here's what I learned from it about dealing with life's problems.

5 Pathetic Marvel Superheroes Not Even Worth Killing

The world's moochiest superhero tries to get a little help in the midst of the economic crisis.

Action ensues!

by Lady Unpleasantries

We signed up for this villain thing because we wanted to pound these spandex-clad goody-goodies into the ground, but there's a point where it's just not fun anymore because they're so lame.

If we wanted angst-ridden self-loathing, we'd just start picking fights with 14 year old girls at Hot Topic.

Single-Sentence Comics Synopses Episode IV: A New Hope

10 Supervillains Who Need New Catchphrases

We read a lot of comics.

And with almost every one we read, we can't help but think, "This would be so much better in the form of one snarky statement."

10 Superheroes Who Need New Catchphrases

Last week, we listed 10 risible superheroes who have less-than-desirable catchphrases.

Of course, the noble brotherhood of supervillains isn't exempt from catchphrase hell, either. Here's 10 who are deep in that semantic pit.

Villains Opine On: Comic Book Onomatopoeias

We accept the fact that superheroes (and supervillains) need catchphrases. They're a calling card, something that separates you from every other spandex-clad do-gooder out there trying to make a name for him or herself.

But some of the most popular heroes' favorite things to say just don't work, folks. Here's why.

Profiles in Superpowers That Seem Good But Might Actually Suck: Purple Man

In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, it's the words used for sound effects in comics. (Yes, we know, the onomatopoeias in "The Incredible Hercules" are better than any others out there. They're not addressed here. Let's just assume they win and move on.)

Note that our ratings are given in terms of bullets, which, for us, are about as good as things get.

9 Characters That Should Have Been in 'Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe'

Let's face it, folks. Not everybody who gets superpowers can have the best ones, like time control or mastery over metal or the ability to turn into a giant gun.

Here we present the first part of a series in which we look at some of the lesser powers supervillains have been blessed (or cursed?) with.

In a move that is surprisingly not a joke, Midway games recently released "Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe," a video game pitting the company’s arcade game fighters up against Warner Bros.’s most iconic superheroes.

Of course, if either party had any sense, they would have picked some of DC’s darker and more obscure characters, keeping with the tone of previous MK games. Vertigo, people. Here’s what the roster and fatalities would have looked like if Midway had any, well, guts.

Ask Abobo

Classic Nintendo Game Endings Done Evil

There's more to the mutated human who fought Billy and Jimmy Lee at the end of the first stage of "Double Dragon" than you think.

This newspaper advice column ought to prove that.

by Herringbone

The NES era of video games was a simpler time.

They were a time when a title card telling you that you did a good job and a "press start" message were enough to give you a real sense of accomplishment (or, in my case, cause to throw the controller across the room because I just wasted six hours of my life just to see this). Either way, video game endings now are different. Ambiguous. And often evil.

Given that we're supervillains, we can't help but approve of that new trend. And so, here we try to modernize a few classics for this new, more evil age in gaming.

Single-Sentence Comics Synopses 3: The Synopsenating

5 Cartoons That Made Us Supervillains

As of now, we have officially summarized just about every comic we have read.

And quite a few that we haven't.

by Reverend Rogue

The world we're living in has relentlessly failed to yield any of the things we feel we were promised, like hover cars, hover skate boards, and other things that hover. So we have to wonder what fooled us into having these false hopes.

We need to lay the blame squarely where it belongs: children's programming. And really, it was our horrible childhoods that led us to this position.

5 Common Locations For Secret Lairs (And Why They're a Bad Idea)

by Mr. Malignity

Supervillains need space; whether it's a sanctuary to lick our wounds, a refuge from the law, or just a place to watch "Heroes" in peace (it's called knowing your enemy).

However, the traditional choices are often notoriously crappy, as anyone who's been living somewhere other than under a rock (another bad location, by the way), can see.

Single-Sentence Synopses of Popular Comics: The Revenge

Comics' 7 Worst Attempts at 'Scary' Supervillains

Just so you know, we totally did not post this just because the first of these pieces got linked on a popular comics website.

Nah, we're just kidding. That's exactly why we did it.

7 Scary Comics Supervillains

Last week, we listed 7 supervillains who could genuinely scare somebody's socks off.

But, of course, for every seriously frightening supervillain, there's one or more that probably wouldn't make a fetus (not even an infant, a fetus) even mildly uncomfortable. Here's 7 that are pretty much as un-scary as you can get.

Villains Opine On: The Powers the Planeteers Combined to Create Captain Planet, Plus One They Should Have Had

Supervillains have a long history of being menacing, threatening, malevolent, weird and dominating. But what about scary? Like, in a Halloweeny sense. Few fit that bill.

But here are seven supervillains who might put a little chill in your bones, along with some honorable mentions.

9 Grossly Underrated Supervillains

In this recurring feature on The ISS, we give our thoughts about anything that springs to mind. Here, it we discuss "Captain Planet," one of the best-worst shows of the '90s.

Note that our ratings are given in terms of bullets, which, for us, are about as good as things get.

Video Game Characters Who Would Be Much Less Interesting If Real

The ISS villain ratings division has done several recent studies concerning the lameness of some supervillains and the badassery of some who have no superpowers whatsoever. Now, we look at those villains who are often dismissed as b-listers or second stringers who really ought to get another chance at being in the upper tier of modern supervillainy. These villains may not be the ones who are headlining the summer blockbusters, but to us, they're among the best we have.

Single-Sentence Synopses of Popular Comics

We love video games here at the ISS, but we have some concern about the trend over past few years to make games more realistic.

Frankly, the more like real life you make games, the worse they are. And to prove it, here's an inventory of beloved characters who would be totally boring and stupid if they stepped out of the screen and took up residence in the real world.

9 Things I Learned About Life From Braid

Here, we provide quick summaries of some of the best comics ever written.

Incidentally, we spoil some completely. You're welcome!

More Real Estate Tips From the Joker

Developer Jonathan Blow's new 2D Xbox Live platformer "Braid" is this year's gaming critical darling. Discussion boards have become dedicated to determining the game's layered, up-for-interpretation meaning. But I, with my supreme evil intelligence, have figured it out. And so here I present to you the nine most important things you can learn from "Braid."

8 Superheroines Who Are Real Bitches

A real estate blog recently posted this article on why real estate agents should model themselves after the Batman villain the Joker. Apparently, someone didn’t think that real estate agents were evil enough as it is (we actually have several on staff).

So, as a public disservice, we compiled a list of more lessons that real estate agents could learn from a homicidal clown.

Xbox 360 Achievements in the Upcoming "Watchmen" Game

We've already brought you two lists of superhero douchebags, but we don't want to give the impression that we're not equal-opportunity haters, or that superheroines don't also suck.

So here, we lovingly give you the bitchiest ladies in spandex this side of Suzanne Somers.

One of the biggest pieces of news that came out of last week's Comic-Con was that Warner Bros., which has nothing but love for all its intellectual properties, is going to be releasing a "Watchmen" video game in advance of the movie next year.

That got us wondering what kind of Xbox 360 achievements might be included, especially if a game gets released that follows the story of the comic. Here's some guesses.

Make Your Own Comic-Con

The 5 Greatest Comics Ever (Un)Written

Because they're uncool, what with their full-time jobs and limited disposable income, some people couldn't make it to this year's Comic-Con International in San Diego, which is going on right this second.

But not to worry. The International Society of Supervillains (who also couldn't make it because of prior commitments involving uranium and some ants) is here to tell you how you can have a Comic-Con in your very own home.

8 Iron Man Villains We Probably Won't See in 'Iron Man 2'

So there are these comics that are out there, right? The funny thing is, none of them ever happened. Even in fictional comic-book land, the events of these comics never took place. Oh, the comics were printed. And you better believe you paid a real $1.99 to $2.99 to get them.
But guess what? Those stories have been retconned out of existence. Sorry!

Possible Ways "Battlestar Galactica" Could End

Seeing as how "Iron Man" just made all the money in the world, a sequel is pretty much inevitable. However, when they do make "Iron Man 2," they’re probably going to want to avoid using some of Iron Man’s villains.

Here are some classic Iron Man adversaries, along with in-depth analysis of why they suck.

From the Metro City Tourism Board Official Brochure, Circa 1991

The last season of "Battlestar Galactica" has begun, and nerds everywhere who actually watch the show for the plot and not the hot chicks beating each other up are speculating wildly about what might happen in the end. Will the crew find Earth? What's all that religious mumbo-jumbo? Who's the last Cylon? We have a few guesses as to how things might turn out.

9 Badass Supervillains With No Superpowers

Why not go to Metro City for your next vacation?

It's like Detroit, but more...urban.

The ISS Presents: Hygiene Filmstrip Comics

Here at the ISS, our superpowers involve amazing rhetorical abilities, stunning good looks and the ability to please a woman with a glance. But not all supervillains are so lucky to be endowed with such powers. Still, some do pretty well for themselves.

These guys, for instance.

After months of digging, the International Society of Supervillains is happy to present to you, our faithful and smelly readers, these never-before-seen hygiene filmstrips from decades past.

We only hope that they can help you seem at least slightly more presentable and human as your pathetic lives continue.

2007: The Year In Games

8 More Superheroes Who Are Also Douchebags

2007 was a big year for games. So big that something happened every month of the year, if you can believe it.

So here's a month-by-month breakdown of what was big in the world of video gaming this year.

Real-World Scenarios in Which 'Guitar Hero' Skills Could Be Useful

Just because we listed eight superheroes who are douchebags last month doesn't mean those are the only superheroes of the douchey persuasion.

So here's eight more.

7 Comics Monsters That Aren't So Scary

Who says being good at games like 'Guitar Hero' and 'Rock Band' don't actually mean anything? Sure, you can't write a sonata or actually play any Cheap Trick songs, but there are other worthwhile things you can do with the skills you get from those games.

Important things.

7 Comics Monsters That Are Genuinely Kind of Scary

Let's face it, folks, the overwhelming majority of the monsters we supervillains tend to come up with aren't on par with your 'Night of the Living Dead' zombies, your John Carpenter's The Things, or, to a lesser degree, your 'Phantasm' death balls. Just to prove it, here's a list of comic-book monsters which...well...they were a good try, anyway.

8 Superheroes Who Are Actually Douchebags

When you're in the monster-making business like we are, you just have to come to terms with the fact that it's sometimes hit-or-miss. For every Godzilla, you'll probably end up with a dozen Mechagodzillas or Ebirahs (who, for those not in the know, was a giant shrimp). That's why we've taken it upon ourselves to recognize some of the more legitimately frightening monsters who have come across the comics pages, even some that may, in some circles, be considered "heroes."

Don't believe the hype. Yes, yes, we know. You've been told your whole lives that superheroes are infallible demigods who can do no wrong. But we know better. In fact, we can provide to you incontrovertible that many (at least eight) superheroes are, in fact, total douchebags. (Also, you may have heard in some circles that all supervillains are dicks or assholes or some similar epithet. Actually, we tend to be excellent conversationalists and superb lovers when you get to know us.)

Luigi's Lament

Captain Parasite in...Land of the Death Watchers!

The younger brother struggles with unrequited love, and the heartache that comes with it. The elder offers up advice that, while good in almost any other circumstance, does not get at the heart of the matter.
A tale of love, loss and jumping.

8 Things I Learned About Life From "Bioshock"

The moochiest superhero on earth, the spectacular Captain Parasite, returns for this epic adventure full of dashing, daring and Cinnabons. Onward to adventure! And maybe some discarded Oreos with the cream filling gone!

This Semester's New Enrollees at Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters

Critics and weirdos who hang out on video game message boards have deemed "Bioshock" one of the best games of the year, not only for its excellent gameplay and art design, but also for its compelling and engrossing story. It's so good, in fact, that there's plenty that even I, the evil dictator of a fictional nation and also a scholar who wrote a dissertation on making children cry, can learn from it. Let me impart some knowledge to you.

by Laser Sharkbear

Not every class at Professor Charles Xavier's famed School for Gifted Youngsters can include standouts like a Wolverine or a Colossus or a Marrow, but Professor X gives them all his love, all the same, and Storm is still flirty with pretty much all of them. Here's the list of the young mutants who enrolled this year in the school. Whether any of them will have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with Mr. Sinister is still to be seen.

periods, teh web and u: A Guide to Grammar in the Internet Age

Captain Parasite in...Hall of Destruction!

These days, it's hard to know what the English language even really is anymore, what with Grandpa and his kin yelling at you to "capitalize" the first words of your "sentences" and that "spelling" is "important." Why don't you shut up Grandpa, you old guy you!? You're just some old Grandpa! You don't know how we live! You can't know! My motorcycle is my life, man!

Ellis Hamilton MacArthur, Ring Name "Little Mac," Addresses the Board of Commissioners of the World Video Boxing Association

Rodney Carlson was an average, unassuming microbiologist studying whipworm when, as a result of a co-worker's careless mistake, the specimen Rodney was studying inexplicably turned radioactive and jumped into his eye in a really gross chain of events that you kind of had to be there to see, but trust me, it was totally gross. Anyway, it made him into a hero who uses a parasite-like ability to feed and survive on a host. With these powers, he contributes nothing to the host's survival and hopes to one day fight crime as the STUPENDOUS CAPTAIN PARASITE!

The 11 Lamest Supervillains in History, Ever

WVBA boxer Little Mac stands up to the Commission, feeling they have wrongly stripped his championship belt. He may have a point.

I mean, they do let a guy teleport.