Read the rest here and enter the contest to win a copy of the book that likely isn't poisoned.

Who: Rex Velvet

What: Calling out real-life superhero Phoenix Jones

When: May 1 and May 8, 2012

Where: The YouTube videos above

Why it's a great moment: Even though he's clearly our competition, we have to give Velvet credit for his boldness and his style. He's got a great HQ, an admirable collection of cars, and a great sense of branding with all his mustachioed items. He knows what he's doing.

Rex Velvet, the ISS salutes you.

Buy it here.

For example: Mimicry/Absorption.

"Superheroes don't fight fair. They team up. Take the Fantastic Four, for instance. They're always ganging up on individual bad guys, distracting them with their stretching and fire so their rock man can clobber them. Then they scoot away in their invisible bubble. One of the few ways to even the score in a fight like that is to have all the same powers as the heroes do, either by having them from the get-go, absorbing them into your body or learning them very quickly. I mean, that fight's still going to be totally unfair, but at least you can throw a rocky hand right back in The Thing's face."

Read the rest of my incredible insights here.

If you wish to purchase our words elsewhere, The Supervillain Handbook has also contaminated the Amazon.

Lauranne Chinatsu wrote:

Miss Chinatsu,

First of all, let me say that I received no such email, that I am a very busy supervillan and that you should not ever take that tone with me again, or we will have a legal dispute that will end with an associate of mine who dresses like a barrister turning you into a powdered wig.

Now, let's get down to business about this legal dispute between you and your ex (with the lack of a hyphenate there, I assume this means your ex-you, the person who used to be you). I have a wide array of implements I could use on this person to make sure that the former you never yous in this town again.

If you're all about simplicity and directness, consider a vaporizing ray. If you'd prefer something more clandestine, perhaps a locked, private room in which you use a vaporizing ray.

If those ideas aren't to your liking, we could take steps to make your ex-you into someone who was never you, thereby eliminating your problem. It's a very technical process, but basically what we do is remove all of your ex-you's DNA and replace it with someone else's DNA. Doesn't matter who, we'll just find somebody.

I hope this solution is to your liking. Since this has technically been a legal meeting, I am a supervillain and I took a four-hour break in the middle of this to do some online shopping for cloaks, I'll be sending you a bill for your DNA.

Please pay accordingly.

E-mail the iss at treachery@the-iss.com.

You will be a better supervillain.

Whether it's the wavy craziness or Norman Osborn's Brillo pad, the semi-sentient grip-strength of Medusa's locks or the electric intensity of Livewire's shock, the way you wear your hair says something about who you are. That's especially true if you're a supervillain and you need everybody to know what your deal is they second they first set eyes on you.

But which hairstyle works best for you? Consider these basic styles and customize to your liking:

High and tight. If your schtick is some kind of pseudo-military, authoritative yell-casting, a nice buzz cut would be perfect.

Bowl cut. Reserved strictly for Doctor Octopus. Sorry.

Unreasonably, unmanageably long. Enjoy your 12 hours of shampooing, lady villains!

Bald. It's fine to Luthor it up. Go Luthor on 'em! That goes for you, too, ladies, after you get sick of having all that hair.

Wild and unkempt. Do you think of yourself as a feral beast, unable to control your wild urges? Do you have fangs? Is someone having to read this to you because you're too busy tearing into an antelope? This is a good choice for you.

Green. Hard to go wrong with green. Don't much matter what you do with it if it's green.

An incomprehensible optic illusion. Terrific if you need a distraction. (This is called Osborn-style.)

Helmet that you never take off. Not actually hair, but you don't need to worry about your hair if no one ever sees it. Perhaps you could style the helmet to look like hair for special occasions.

All over your body. Are you a gorilla? This is your only real choice.

We here at ISS HQ haven't had a chance to play the game yet (though we do wish we had come up with the plan to tack an ending people hate onto a series of games people grew to love with scary admiration over five years), but we have a suggestion for an ending that we think would please just about everyone:

You're welcome, Bioware. You can send us a check any minute now.

We can't all benefit from the power of teleportation, the ability to travel through mirrors, or even super-speed or flight. Some of us have to motor.

But how to best get around? Depends on your style. Consider these options:

A car. Are you a street-level type of person? Do you hate fancy things that go in the air or on the water? Are you on a very limited budget? A quick paint job to an old Toyota Tercel should cover you.

A motorcycle. Do you wish you got more bugs in your mouth while driving a car? Here's your answer.

A private plane or helicopter. Great for villains who like to escape by jumping onto hanging rope ladders or driving a motorcycle into a docking bay. Also, those villains who just plain don't give a fuck about air traffic rules.

A hovering glider. If your supervillain name has the word "goblin" in it, you're contractually required to use one of these. Sorry!

A boat. There are lots of places to rob on the coast, or by inlets or in sounds. If you have no interest in committing crimes in places other than those, go for this.

Teleportation devices. You may not have the power to teleport yourself, but that doesn't mean you can't kidnap some brainiac to fix up a machine for you. Just make sure the brainiac is someone who knows how to make teleportation devices (currently: no one).

A rocket ship. Excellent, if precise landings are not in your top 10 travel requirements.

A rocket-powered skateboard. On the one hand, it'd be very fun to ride around. On the other, Rocket Racer can be a real litigious cat about his calling card. Beware.

"The clothes make the man," someone who didn't understand how reproduction works once said.

It's true, sort of. What a person wears is very important (you can find out more about what supervillains should wear in The Supervillain Handbook, coming in April). That's especially true of the worldly, accomplished people who become supervillains. Magneto and Darkseid don't exactly buy their threads off the rack at Ross. So where do they get them? In a few different places.

Pick the one that's right for you:

Get a personal tailor. Many supervillains kidnap and indenture tailors pretty early on in their evil careers, to make them sort of like henchmen, but for clothes. Where can you find these tailors? I don't know, tailor schools? The yellow pages? Probably lots of places.

Do it yourself. Nobody knows exactly what you need better than you. So if you're someone who can, say, control plants, like Poison Ivy does, just make your clothes out of your plants! Then your boobs can hang out the exact amount that you want them to.

Get one magicked up for you. You probably know some magic people. Tell them to magic you up something nice, and not to curse it. That last part's pretty important.

Earn it. Many gladiatorial contests in space feature a grand prize of an ancient suit of alien armor. So just beat that 400-foot-tall immortal being made of black holes in combat, and it's yours!

Have a giant multinational corporation's resources available to you. How do you think Luthor got that purple and green monstrosity he wears around? By having employees who can't tell him, "no," that's how.

Make the clothes part of your body. I think that's how Bizarro's clothes work. Isn't it? Somebody call Bizarro and ask him. You know what, on second thought, nobody talk to Bizarro.

Who: Loki

What: Convincing Norman Osborn to wipe out Asgard

When: April 2010

Where: Siege: Loki #1

Why it's a great moment: We all know Loki screws with people. That's his thing. But sometimes he really does it with panache. Look at that guy! He is so pleased with himself. And here's the thing: You know why he's doing it? He's tired of being Loki. Not because he hates screwing with people (he clearly loves it), but because he hates that everyone in Asgard is stuck in such rigid roles. So he's just gonna wipe that whole scene out.

But not before guaranteeing his immortality and arranging himself a nice little summer home in hell. It doesn't end up working out for him, but you have to admire the guy for his style.